


If You'll Endure

by LoveChilde



Category: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Power Rangers Jungle Fury, Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Background Relationships, Captivity, Depression, Everybody need therapy, Food Issues, Friendship is Magic, Heavy Angst, Hope Springs Eternal, Injury Recovery, It's all Dai Shi's fault, Medical Procedures, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Mind Rape, Multi, Novel, Pre-Slash, Psychological Torture, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Redemption, Starvation, Suicide Attempt, Team Feels, The Power Heals, Torture, the power cannot heal all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-17 12:51:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 84,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4667201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveChilde/pseuds/LoveChilde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remember when Casey went off to the Citadel alone to try and talk Jarrod into freeing himself of Dai Shi, and against all odds, it worked? Well, in this one if failed. Really badly. </p>
<p>Held captive by Dai Shi, degraded and hurt, Casey struggles to keep a hold of his strength and sanity, and even when he is freed, his battle is far from over- and neither is the fight for Jarrod's soul. Faced with problems they have no idea how to solve, can the Rangers rally and support each other, and will they be able to help a friend, as well as an enemy, endure? Featuring guest appearances by Dr. Dana Mitchell and Zack Taylor, because the Jungle Fury kids need all the help they can possibly get...   </p>
<p>Complete, multi-chapter. Please note individual chapter warnings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue- Casey

**Author's Note:**

> This...is gonna be long. The note, I mean, although the fic will be as well. It's complete, I'll post a chapter every few days over the next few weeks. 
> 
> First, credits. I've been working on this for roughly a year, and any number of people have acted as sounding-boards, hand-holders, sprint-callers and general cheer squad and advisers. This story was vastly improved through their assistance, and all remaining mistakes are mine. My eternal gratitude to [wildforce71](http://archiveofourown.org/users/wildforce71) and [Umbralpilot ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Umbralpilot%20) for their painstaking beta work, to my resident medical consultant Dafi M, who handled very odd questions without questioning my sanity, and to [Hagar](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Hagar) for plotting assistance, invaluable hand-holding, and getting me hooked on Power Rangers in the first place, twenty years after I declared myself to be too old for it. 
> 
> Please note that this is a dark fic, at least for the prologue and the first chapter. I'll post individual warnings for every chapter posted. However, I promise that I'll more or less fix everything I'm breaking by the end of the story. 
> 
> Prologue- violence, torture, psychological torture, captivity, mind-rape.
> 
> None of this is mine, I'm only borrowing them briefly, and no profit is made.

__The way your heart sounds  
makes all the difference  
It's what decides if you'll endure  
the pain that we all feel  
The way your heart beats  
makes all the difference  
In learning to live  
Here before me is my soul  
I'm learning to live  
I won't give up  
Till I've no more to give  
No more to give! 

**Learning To Live, Dream Theater**

________

Blood had dried on the back of his legs, and now itched like crazy. He focused on that itch, a simple, common discomfort, and wished it would go away. Focusing on the simpler problems was easier than thinking about the bigger things; he itched, therefore he was less concerned with the darkness, the cold and damp air, his stiff muscles and the lingering soreness of his joints. He focused on the itchy trail down his leg, and didn't think about being hungry or tired or filthy, or about the gaping hole in his soul where the Tiger Spirit had been. He didn't think about his broken Morpher. He didn't think about why he couldn't just reach down and scratch to relieve his discomfort. 

Most of all, he could avoid thinking about just why there was blood trailing down his legs.

But of course, despite the unrelenting itch, Casey thought about all of those. He had little to do except think, these days. Weeks? He wanted to think it was only days, but honestly wasn't sure. 

***

Looking back, his main mistake had been going alone into Dai Shi's citadel. His second, bigger mistake was turning his back on the demon and his human host, trusting that the remains of Jarrod's humanity would overcome the demon's will. Early on, when he still had the energy to be angry, Casey had been furious with himself for his stupidity, his optimism and hope. Later, even that faded.

There had been one soaring moment of hope, when Dai Shi's reverberating, deep voice changed into Jarrod's softer tone, and warm human arms wrapped around Casey from behind, and he truly thought that Jarrod had won. It hadn't lasted very long, as the arms tightened painfully and the gratitude turned into mocking laughter, and Casey's world was consumed by agony that faded into darkness before he had any clear idea of what the hell had happened. 

Dai Shi had told him, though, later, in explicit detail, what he'd missed while unconscious. Fingers tangled in Casey's hair, tugging his head painfully this way and that, he'd described how he'd ripped Casey's Tiger Spirit from him and taken it for himself. How he'd crushed Casey's Morpher and left it at the citadel for the other Rangers to find, and taken him away to a hidden cave, deep in the mountains, where the Rangers wouldn't know to follow. Dai Shi delighted in reminding Casey of just how helpless he was now, in long, rambling monologues that Casey had no way of ignoring or tuning out. 

"I own you, little tiger. I own your Spirit, I own your body, you mind, your soul...You are mine, little tiger. And mine you will stay." There was an awful finality to the words, every time Dai Shi said them, which was often. 

The truth was, Casey couldn't really see a way out. In fact, he could barely see anything, unless Dai Shi was there. Between 'visits', he was kept in stark darkness, and could only tell by feel what his prison looked like, beyond the dim lamp that Dai Shi carried in with him. Damp, chilly cave walls and rock floor, a small pool of water on one side, fed by a slow-leaking flow of water, and that was it. He had no idea how high the room was, as his chains didn't allow him to stand; he wasn't chained _to_ anything, but his hands and legs were linked together, keeping him on his hands and knees, without even enough leeway that he could lie down fully stretched. Cold, heavy metal pressed against his skin, and careless movement meant bruises and nicks from the rough edges of metal rods. Dai Shi had barely hit him, but he hadn't needed to - Casey's muscles were cramped and aching constantly, his joints protested the strain placed on them, and, cut off from the Grid, even small injuries took time to heal. He'd lost all sense of time, in the darkness with only his heartbeat to provide any way to measure it, but he knew he wasn't healing as fast as he was used to.

At first, he'd tried to fight, as best he could. He couldn't move much, and losing his Tiger Spirit had left him disoriented, dizzy and weak, but still he struggled. He'd hurled himself at Dai Shi, trying to knock him off his feet, but only earned bruises for his troubles. Resorting to the only weapon he had at his immediate disposal, he tried to bite Dai Shi, and actually surprised him enough that he scored a hit, sinking his teeth into the human host's hand. It came as a shock to both of them, Casey thought later- much later. At the time, brief elation was replaced by the feeling of his body colliding hard with the wall, batted there by a casual backhand from Dai Shi.

"Biting the hand that'll soon be feeding you. Bad start, little tiger. You will pay for that." Casey tried not to flinch when the demon advanced on him, and had just enough time to clench his teeth on a howl of pain when Dai Shi brought his hard, heavy boot down on his hand. Something - several somethings - snapped with a nauseating sound, and Casey tasted bile in the back of his throat as he breathed through the pain, refusing to cry out. "Bad tiger." 

The demon didn't even seem angry - he never seemed angry. He wasn't angry that first time, nor on any of the times that followed. He never responded to Casey's insults and threats, and never let him land another hit on him. He was neutral and cold most of the time, and other times he seemed almost… indulgently fond. Those were the worst times. 

The third time Casey tried to attack, after he'd healed from the results of the first two times, Dai Shi stomped on both his hands, grinding his boot down hard. 

"Do you know how many little, fragile bones there are in a foot, little tiger?" The very human finger, sliding warm up his sole, stood in stark contrast to the demon's voice as Casey lay on the ground, fighting against unconsciousness. "Try this again, and you will find out." 

He didn't try again. By the time his hands even started healing, he was too exhausted, too weak, too afraid to try again. Healing took longer every time, and he knew exactly how many tiny, fragile bones a human foot held. He couldn't risk it. 

***

Dai Shi only ever called him 'little tiger', which infuriated Casey at first, and kept infuriating him until he just… stopped caring. It didn't matter anyway, in the long run. 

Beyond the name, he was treated, in several ways, like a tiger. Restrained so he couldn't stand, denied clothes (that Dai Shi had undressed him while he was unconscious was one of the many things Casey refused to think about), and fed raw meat without the benefit of plate or utensils, it was easy to forget, sometimes, that he was a person, a human being, the Red Ranger. 

The raw meat was the worst, really. Even in small chunks, Casey couldn't force down much of it, and most of what he did manage came right up again. He drank from the shallow pool in the corner of his cave, from his cupped palms when he could, lapping the water up like a real tiger when his hands were too injured for it. It wasn't very long before hunger and thirst robbed him of much of his fighting spirit. He resisted when Dai Shi tried to feed him by hand; refusing food he couldn’t stomach anyway was the better option, when the alternative was taking the meat directly from the monster’s fingers or palm. Eventually, though, he was hungry enough that neither pride nor disgust stopped him. That he immediately threw up all over Dai Shi’s boots was a tiny act of defiance, but once he’d crossed that line, the demon kept insisting on it, and any further resistance just cost too much. 

Dai Shi kept touching him, while he was in the cave. A hand in his hair, claws trailing over his shoulder, a hand stroking his flank, possessive, sometimes invasive, and never welcome. He could do nothing to escape it, though; the cave held no hiding places, and Dai Shi was faster, and wasn’t restrained. He was also adept at pinching and scratching when Casey annoyed him, and any evasion counted as an annoyance. There was no comfort in the touch, and Casey learned to dread it, palms growing damp and his heart beating faster in anxiety when the light Dai Shi carried approached the cave. But he couldn’t fight it, so he learned to endure. 

The physical was easier to focus on, more insistent and more real, somehow, than abstract worries. But Casey was alone, in darkness and silence, for longer and longer periods, and eventually the silence inside him became as oppressive as the silence outside. The lack of his Tiger Spirit was like a void inside him, like something had cut something out of him with a knife and left a hole where most of his soul had been. He had no idea when he'd gotten so used to it, but he missed it fiercely. He also missed the Power, and not just for the faster healing and greater resilience it gave the Rangers. He was cut off, alone - and in those honest moments one can't escape when there's nothing to hide behind - terrified. He wasn't afraid of dying, not really, but the thought of spending the rest of his life here, like this, kept as entertainment for an insane demon until he forgot everything about his past and became just as crazy, himself - that, he was afraid of. He worried about the others, too - would they worry about him? Grieve for him? Could they keep up the fight without him? He knew they could, but hated that they had to. 

_Will they never come looking for me?_ The thought returned again and again, no matter how many times he pushed it away. He knew they would try, if they could, but in practice, they didn't come. It was just him, and Dai Shi - and, as he discovered, Camille.

***

Camille first appeared just after the second time Casey tried to attack Dai Shi. He'd been curled up against a wall, cradling his injured hand and pretending very hard that he wasn't crying when the light approached the cave and he drew back, trying to hide and again, failing. The surge of relief when he saw it wasn't Dai Shi made him light-headed, but he kept his guard up as best he could; Camille was an unknown factor, clearly still loyal to Dai Shi, which didn't say much as to her sanity. 

"Red Ranger, you're an idiot," Was her opening shot, and he frowned. She threw something in his direction and he pulled back from it and hissed when it jarred his hand. She sneered, "He'll keep you until you start to bore him, which could be a while. And he won't even notice if he injures you or neglects you enough that you'll die, so it's my job to keep you alive and keep him happy. Eat that." 

Still wary, he located what she'd thrown on the floor and picked it up. Raw meat, but lighter than what he was usually given, with a different texture, a different smell...

"Fish?" He croaked, stunned at this unexpected gift. Raw fish was basically sushi; he could eat sushi, he even liked sushi, sometimes. Pain made him nauseous, but he forced the piece of fish down with an effort, and Camille threw him another. 

She was silent while she fed him, piece by piece until he knew he couldn't eat another. In all, he thought he'd managed about five or six bites, but it was more food than he'd had in days, and it was food he could eat, which made Camille his favorite person in the world, in those minutes. 

"I convinced him that tigers eat fish as well as meat," she said curtly when he pushed the last slice away. "It won't be all the time, but some times, it'll be fish. Other than that, it's pretty much up to you not to anger him enough that he kills you, if you ever want to see the sun again." 

He couldn't think of a reply, so he just nodded. He didn't want Dai Shi to kill him. However, there was one thing Camille could probably tell him that might help stop Dai Shi from doing it anyway.

"Jarrod?" he asked, trying to form more words and finding that he had none. She understood him anyway, and made a sharp horizontal swipe of her hand, cutting him off.

"Forget Jarrod. Jarrod doesn't exist anymore." He couldn't tell if she was sadder or angrier, saying that. 

"Don't believe you." The more he spoke, the easier the words came. "You don't believe either. Wouldn't be here if you did." 

She looked at him for a long moment, silent. Then she nodded once, tightly, and walked away without saying anything. 

He stared into the darkness for a long, long time after she'd left, bemused and almost smiling. She still thought there was hope for Jarrod, too. Maybe they could be insane together.

***

Casey woke up to the sound of running feet outside his cave, lighter than Dai Shi’s, less purposeful than Camille’s, and to voices calling his name.

“Here - I’m here!” He shouted, his voice sounding too faint in the cramped darkness of the cave, but still they came, carrying more light than Dai Shi ever did, cool blue and warm yellow rushing at him, and he blinked hard, disbelieving.

“Casey! You’re - We thought we’d never find you -” Lily threw herself at him and he pulled back to protect his damaged hand, hissing a warning. 

“I knew you’d come,” he managed to gasp as Theo cut through his chains and pulled him up, over-strained muscles screaming in protest at the abrupt change in position. Together, Theo and Lily pulled him out of the cave, stumbling, supported by the two of them. “What happened? How -”

“Doesn’t matter. We need to get out while RJ and Dom keep Dai Shi busy.” Theo waved away his questions, and all three of them kept running down endless stone corridors. 

“Nothing left to keep busy anymore.” Dom appeared around a corner, RJ trailing behind him. Though he was in full Ranger gear, and Casey couldn’t see his face, he knew that RJ’s face lit up when they met, and could hear the grin in his voice. 

“Casey! You’re found him! How’re you doing, buddy?”

“Better.” There was an answering grin on Casey’s face, although even that felt strained, somehow. They weren’t out yet. “Dai Shi?”

“No longer a problem.” Grim, satisfied finality laced Dom’s voice as he put away his weapons. “Let’s get out of here.” 

They had to half-carry him out, as his legs were stiff and weak, but they were there, and real, and holding him close, and Casey slowly stopped being afraid. Dai Shi was gone. He was safe. They were going home.

The sunlight on his face felt amazing, and the smell of the outside, of fresh earth and plants and warmth, revived him enough that he tried to stand on his own. The others were laughing and talking all over each other, still in full morph but giddy with joy. Casey stumbled, falling to his hands and knees again, his injured hand shooting a spike of agony up his arm and shoulder -

\- and found himself in darkness again, with the cold wall and floor against his back, the air stale and damp around him, heavy with his own fear-sweat. The memory of Lily’s hand under his arm, of RJ hugging him, lingered on his skin like transparent fabric. He could almost feel the sun, could almost taste freedom. 

He didn’t sleep again for a very long time. 

***

The dream repeated, almost every time he managed to sleep. Freedom came in many forms - with all of the other Rangers coming to save him, or only RJ, or Lily and Theo alone, and once with Dom, backed up by Fran, battling Dai Shi on the way out of the mountain stronghold. At first, he struggled to stay asleep, to enjoy the illusion of freedom as long as he could, the open air and the light, but not for long. Waking up was harder every time he found himself still in the cave, still a prisoner, and he could feel despair closing in on him. He refused to give in to despair, and so he tried to stay awake as long as he could, staring into the darkness with as much single-minded focus as he could until his mind started playing tricks on him again. 

Awake, he worried about his team. He was cut off from the Grid - would he know if any of them was hurt, or - he refused to think about the ‘or’, there. He had complete faith in their ability to handle any threat, sure, but hated that he couldn’t be there to help them. He was their leader, he was the Red Ranger (had been the Red Ranger, his mind whispered treacherously, before his Morpher was broken), he should be there with them, and couldn’t. It seemed to him that Dai Shi spent a lot of time with him, just watching him, occasionally making speeches or touching him, but he never said anything about fighting the others. Casey wanted to believe that enough of Dai Shi’s attention was focused on him that he was ignoring the other Rangers. Somehow, that thought made Dai Shi’s presence, words, and touch easier to bear. 

He tried to ignore the images his mind provided of the Rangers defeated, of bloodied masks and broken bodies, of monsters running wild through the city with no one to stop them. He tried, but they came anyway, and eventually he had to close his eyes and sleep. At least in his dreams most of the team was still alive.

***

Even without a morpher, Casey kept trying to push at his connection to the Grid, trying to reach for it over the distance. If only he could reach it, it would strengthen and heal him, enough to allow him to escape, maybe. He spent most of his energy, which wasn’t a lot these days, straining to reach the Power. It was almost there, right at his fingertips, just past the edge where exhaustion wouldn’t let him reach…

And then one day he reached it. The surge of power as he mentally touched the Grid was electric, like touching a live wire. Casey knew that handling the Power without a morpher was dangerous, deadly even, but anything was better than staying in the cave forever. He mentally grabbed it with both hands, and drew energy into himself.

He knew it would be dangerous, but hadn’t counted on it being agonizing. Power lanced through him, every muscle seizing with it, every single nerve on fire, and he screamed, channelling pain into superhuman strength to pull his chains apart, the links tinkling to the floor, broken. He forced himself to stand, to walk, and then to run out of the cave, still in darkness, crashing into walls and corners as he went, until he turned a corner and saw Dai Shi, back turned to him, walking away.

Casey didn’t wait and didn’t hesitate; he was on Dai Shi’s back, hands around his neck, in less time that it took for his brain to figure out a plan. In fact, he never really bothered with a plan at all. All he cared about was repaying all the hurt Dai Shi had caused, and stopping him from hurting anybody else. All he wanted was to end it - to end _him_ , and the how of it didn’t matter. He had little to work with - bare hands, teeth and the remains of his shackles, but he didn’t care. It would have to do.

He’d caught Dai Shi by surprise, and had him on the ground before the demon had a chance to morph into his battle form, bashing his head into the floor repeatedly. Casey was vaguely aware of snippets of sensation only - himself screaming hoarsely, his damaged hands sending spikes of agony up to his shoulders, the smell and taste of blood, his own or Dai Shi’s, he neither knew nor cared. The wet, hollow sounds of flesh meeting stone, of skin slapping against skin, of bones cracking and shattering. Over it all, Dai Shi was laughing, cackling like the madman he was, until Casey finally silenced him, until the last manic gleam in his eyes was extinguished. In that last moment, Dai Shi’s eyes were human - and terrified. 

Casey jerked awake with a cry of horror, the taste of blood still thick and heavy in his mouth, his hands clenched, knuckles bleeding, healing bones misaligned again, too numb to even feel the pain. He threw up where he lay, and lacked even the strength to move away from it afterwards.

Outside the cave, he could hear Dai Shi, still laughing.  
***

This dream repeated as well, nights of violent slaughter alternating with the joy and comfort of a rescue until Casey wasn’t sure whether he was awake or asleep anymore, whether he was full of rage or despair or disgust, or something else entirely that was beyond all those. The knowledge that these dreams didn’t originate in his own mind, but were constructed by Dai Shi to achieve exactly that effect, was a very cold comfort indeed. After a while, he couldn’t even be sure it was really true, in any case; he didn’t know and didn’t want to wonder just how much his mind had unravelled already. 

Some nights, Dai Shi killed him. Some nights they killed each other. Some nights he was a tiger, not a human, who tore into the demon with wild fury. Once, Casey hit and hit him, slammed his fists down into soft, yielding flesh, only to hear Jarrod - and he was certain it was no trick this time - begging to die, thanking Casey for finally ending it, just before he finished him. That time, he woke up filled with self-hatred and disgust, but also with a tiny, foolish spark of hope again. There was a reason Jarrod kept appearing in these dreams; even in his mental games, Dai Shi wasn’t completely detached from his human host, and if Casey could only reach him, maybe together they still stood a chance... 

His hands weren’t anywhere near healed yet when he decided - again, in retrospect, idiotically - to gamble on Jarrod’s humanity again. The next time Dai Shi came to feed him, Casey pushed himself up as steadily as he could, raised his head and looked at the demon directly.

“I know Jarrod’s still there. I see him, when I kill you.” He’d practiced the words in his time alone in the dark, careful so he wouldn’t stutter or pause, and still his voice was unsteady, rusty with lack of use, raw from screaming through nightmares. “One day, he’ll fight free of you, and destroy you. He’s strong enough to do it.” Casey himself was surprised at just how certain he was of that, and how that certainty was conveyed in his words and tone. For a moment, he truly felt like the Red Ranger again. He just hoped Jarrod believed him, and would, in time, fight back. 

As usual, Dai Shi laughed, short and ugly. “You think that weakling human still has any sort of will left? You’re wrong. He is powerless, he has no say in what I use his body for. He will not stop me if I hurt this body, he cannot stop me if I hurt you. He enjoys it when I hurt you.” The demon again ran his fingers through Casey’s hair, ignoring his shudder of disgust. “You might as well give up your silly little hopes. He’ll never be free of me, and neither will you. There is no rescue, little tiger, there is only my complete power over you. Your friends have forgotten you by now: they believe you are dead, and they have moved on. You are mine - body and soul, spirit and mind, all mine.” 

“No!” Somewhere, Casey found defiance he’d never truly lost, only suppressed for a while. “You’ll never win! Jarrod will figure out how to be free of you, and so will I! When I dream about killing you -” he felt his lips stretch into a half-forgotten fierce grin, baring his teeth like the tiger he wasn’t anymore - “He thanks me for it. He’s glad when I kill him, he’s grateful, because when I kill him I also kill you. He wants you dead as much as I do.” A part of his mind was cowering in terror, waiting for the explosion at this audacity, but most of him just didn’t care anymore. If Dai Shi was right, then he had no future, and men with no future could take certain risks that saner men would prefer to avoid. 

There was no explosion. Instead, Dai Shi’s grin widened, sharpened into something vicious. “Would you like me to show you just how far gone the human is, little tiger? How powerless he is to stop anything I choose to do with his body?” The hand moved down from Casey’s head, down his shoulder and across his back, to settle on the curve of his ass, and Casey shuddered again. “Very well, I will show you.”

An explosion might’ve been kinder.


	2. 1. Camille

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the dark, Camille watches as Dai Shi brings the Red Ranger to his knees. Then, she takes action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: The non-con I warned about in the story warnings? Yeah, it's in this one. On the good news side, I swear it's the only chapter to contain rape, and if you scroll down to the first *** you'll be able to skip it, if you'd like. 
> 
> Things get better after this one, slowly but surely. I promise.

Ten thousand years of hiding and watching had taught Camille patience and silence, and she used both now, watching and waiting over long weeks while Dai Shi played with the Red Ranger, toying with his dreams, batting him this way and that. He barely noticed Camille any more, which she didn’t mind. Camille was used to being part of the background, ignored but taking in everything. Now, though, she found that watching in silence wasn’t something she could live with, anymore.

She’d waited centuries, millennia, for Dai Shi to be free, without considering that the long captivity would drive the dragon spirit completely insane. Now, she was still bound to him, still hopeful, but no longer as faithful as she had been, before. This wasn’t her Dai Shi, not as he had been - or maybe he was exactly as he had been, and it was herself who had changed, over all that time. Privately, Camille was willing to admit that perhaps the latter option was closer to the truth; time and distance had opened her eyes, and though she wanted to be Dai Shi’s most trusted confidant and lieutenant, to be allowed to love him, she wasn’t sure he was worthy of that anymore. His host, however… him, Camille wanted to get to know better. She knew he was there, just beneath the surface, struggling to get out. She could see flashes of it sometimes, when he defended her in front of the Beast Generals, when he allowed her to care for him - when he thanked her, that one time. He was still there, and the surer Camille became about Dai Shi being dangerously crazy, the more she wanted to help free his human host. 

Alone with Dai Shi and the Red Ranger, Camille knew she was technically safer than she’d been since Dai Shi’s release: the other Rangers didn’t know where they were, and neither did the Beast Generals, or anybody else for that matter, and the Red Ranger was powerless. The only danger was boredom, and Dai Shi himself. Camille dealt with both dangers by making herself unobtrusive, and watching. 

She felt sorry for the Red Ranger. He was young, and alone, and probably afraid and hurt. After watching him struggle to swallow raw meat for a few days she found she couldn’t watch it anymore, and went to do something about it. Dai Shi’s obliviousness to the state of his captive forced her to take a more active role than she usually preferred, but it was surprisingly easy to talk Dai Shi into feeding the boy fish as well as meat every few days. There wasn’t much she could do beyond that: she certainly couldn’t (and wouldn’t) free the Red Ranger, and talking to him, after that one time, was too dangerous for them both. Camille didn’t even pretend that Dai Shi wouldn’t kill her without a flicker of remorse if he thought her disloyal. She just hoped the Rangers would find them and rescue their leader before Dai Shi accidentally killed him. 

Now, watching from her usual hiding spot behind a column as the Ranger, chained and weakened as he was, dared to defy Dai Shi again, Camille wondered if it wasn’t too late. Dai Shi’s occasional lapses of control over his human host were a touchy subject, and she could read the growing fury, quiet and deadly, in the tension of the demon’s muscles, in the vicious smile on his face. 

“I will show you how I rule this body that carries me, and how I use it to master you, little tiger.” Oh, he was angry - angrier than Camille had ever heard him, possibly - but still his voice was calm and quiet, more amused than anything else, which filled Camille’s heart with cold terror. Dai Shi was most terrifying when he seemed happy, and as he ran a possessive hand up and down the Ranger’s back again, Camille could see where this would go, and shivered. 

Camille wasn’t human: there were certain things she knew she perceived differently, and certain obsessions she just didn’t get - but she understood power, and dominance, and how those could be acquired and enforced. This, what Dai Shi clearly had in mind, would exert dominance and prove his power over both his host and his prisoner, in forcing the one to be his vessel, his tool for owning the other. She wanted to look away, but force of habit and a sense of self-preservation stopped her. It would be too easy for Dai Shi’s anger to find another target. Looking away meant lowering her guard, and would show too clearly what she thought of the demon’s actions. 

So she watched, but she could choose what to look at. She did not see Dai Shi fumble at his clothing, but looked at his face, the blank expression that exposed an inner struggle. She did not see him use Jarrod’s hands to leave bruises where they grabbed and twisted; she did see the twitching fingers, the seemingly involuntary spasms of muscle as the host fought against his possessor. She did not see the look on the Red Ranger’s face, or see him bite his lips bloody to hold back a scream; she did see the look of revulsion, hatred and horror in Jarrod’s eyes above Dai Shi’s victorious, hungry grin. In focusing on the demon’s mask, and the human beneath that mask, Camille could pretend she wasn’t seeing what she was seeing. But she couldn’t quite close her ears, and the slap of skin on skin, the litany of ‘no, please, don’t’, the muffled cries of pain, and Dai Shi’s insane laughter were harder to pretend away. 

There came a moment where it seemed Dai Shi lost himself in the frenzy of driving himself into his prisoner, possibly in climax, and in that moment he froze, and his expression shifted, the horror and disgust coming to the front, full force. He pulled back and away from the Ranger with a motion as violent as any of his forward thrusts had been. 

“No!” The denial rang out, clear and strong, but only for a moment before the demon reasserted himself, and the horror turned to neutrality as demon and man fought yet again for control of the body. It was a brief fight, but a hard one, clearly, before Dai Shi stood victorious. A glow surrounded him, there and then gone with a ghostly wail of anguish, and the demon chuckled, deep and reverberating, as he straightened and seemed to look directly at Camille. 

“You see? This body is mine, and this one -” he kicked casually at the Red Ranger, who collapsed on his side, unconscious or faking it, “- both of them, are mine. And I will not be beaten by puny, weakling humans.” He reached down and pulled the boy’s head up by the hair. “You see, little tiger? You are mine, and the human’s spirit is gone. I have banished it from me, and it will never again try to stop me from using this body as I wish. Now, you have seen.” He let go and the boy dropped his head, sides heaving in silent sobs. Dai Shi patted his head, almost gently. “Now you will know.”

He walked away without Camille at all, but she knew he’d seen her, and that the display was aimed at her, as much as it was at the Ranger - and at Jarrod. She swallowed hard, and waited, unseen, to see just how much he’d damaged the boy.

***

Camille waited until she was fairly sure that the Ranger was awake, and no longer crying. He’d cried for a while, and she hadn’t the least idea of how to deal with that sort of thing, so she left him to it, and waited until he’d gone quiet, asleep or unconscious, still watching. It was several hours later when he stirred and pushed himself up to his hands and knees again, as steady as his chains allowed. When he started moving towards the water hole, she could tell moving probably hurt him, and so she approached him, slowly and carefully. She moved too silently, it turned out, because when he finally noticed her he started violently, drawing back with a cry of surprise that turned into a gasp.

“Silence.” She tried not to sound angry, but she wasn’t sure how the human read her tone, just as she wasn’t sure how to interpret his body language. He seemed no different than he had been before - afraid, starved and in pain, though possibly now a little more afraid than anything else. There was a distinct metallic smell of human blood in the cave. “You don’t want Dai Shi to return, do you?”

He blinked, frowned, then shook his head. 

“Good. Then be silent. You should drink, and eat something.” It wasn’t yet feeding time, strictly speaking, but Camille didn’t think Dai Shi would return that day, to feed the Ranger or to do anything else, so she could take the liberty of feeding him. He stared at her, intent or confused or something else she couldn’t quite pin down, and then closed his eyes and shook his head again. “That wasn’t a request, Ranger.” 

His head shot up then, his eyes hardening with anger (anger Camille knew already - it was the expression most humans wore when they looked at her), and shook his head with more conviction. He licked his lips slowly, as if working up the energy to speak, and when he finally spoke his voice was quiet enough that she had to bend down to hear properly. 

“Can’t eat. And don’t want to drink.” Steady enough, for a whisper. 

“You’re doing his work for him, weakening yourself.” She shrugged, telling herself that it didn’t matter to her if the human died. But, she knew, it did - the human was her one hope of getting rid of Dai Shi, if indeed it was possible, after today. She thought for another moment and decided to take the risk. “I...could help.”

His eyes narrowed (suspicion; Camille knew this expression as well), and he drew back. “Why?”

“If you die, Dai Shi will be upset and take it out on me.” While that wasn’t the whole truth, it was no lie, either. “It would be easier for you to drink from a bowl.” She meant for it to be a question, but it came out as a statement, and she didn’t add more words to change that. 

He was tense, she thought, angry and suspicious, and a few other things she didn’t get. Humans were complicated, and she hadn’t studied them in many millennia. But he considered her offer, and finally nodded, once. She returned the nod, and left him there without another word. Maybe he wondered about her abrupt leaving, maybe not; in any case, he didn’t call after her. 

She had the bowl already, somewhat dusty but without any noticeable stains from the days it was probably used for sacrifice. In a way, offering it to the Ranger now made perfect sense. 

There was no change in the boy’s expression when Camille returned to his cell. He’d made his way to the edge of the water hole, and accepted to bowl without a word. It took some work for him to position himself just right to be able to dip it in the water, and required him to twist himself in a way that was probably painful, but Camille didn’t offer to help, and he made no sound of distress. Camille had seen him and the other Rangers battle monsters and absorb blows that would shatter a normal human’s fragile bones, so perhaps he wasn’t as badly hurt as she’d thought before. Finally, he managed to drink, and some tension seemed to leave him - until he turned to look at her again. 

“Thank you.” His voice was stronger, but tight and tense - was he still angry, even after she’d helped him? Camille shrugged it off and picked the bowl up, careful not to let her hand brush any part of the Ranger. Dai Shi might smell her on him, and she did not want to deal with that. 

“He might find this. I will bring it with me next time I come to feed you,” she said, and he nodded again. This time she thought she recognized something that might be gratitude in his eyes. He licked his lips again, and looked at her directly for the first time.

“My - team?”

She frowned. Could she tell him? What would be the point? But she needed him strong enough to fight Dai Shi, when the time came, and there was nothing that made the Rangers fight like the safety of their team-mates, she’d learned that early on. So she answered, as best she could. “I have not seen them since Dai Shi brought you here. We do not leave this place. But - Flit says they are all still alive, and fighting the Beast Generals. They have killed Snapper.” There was a particularly vindictive pleasure in saying that out loud. “They are still fighting, Ranger.” 

She couldn’t read anything in his expression, then. “Are they… looking for me?”

“They think you are dead.” No point in hiding that truth, here in the dark. “I do not know if they all believe it. But as Dai Shi said, they have no way of finding this place.” 

He released a long breath and closed his eyes again, and Camille left, as silently as she’d come in. She thought she heard him crying again, after she left, but it might’ve only been an echo.

***

After that, Camille made as much of an effort as she could to keep an eye on the Ranger, discreetly, in ways Dai Shi would not notice. 

First, she tried to see about getting him better food. Dai Shi and herself were demons, spirit-based, and didn’t need food as humans did. Sure, Camille enjoyed the occasional fly or spider, but those came into their hiding place on their own, and she didn’t need to go outside to find them. The fish came from the underground stream that fed the Ranger’s water hole, and the meat from small animals Dai Shi brought down for fun, just outside the cave’s opening. In time, the animals grew smarter and started avoiding the place, which made it easier for Camille to add more fish to the boy’s menu. But even she knew that humans needed more than raw fish to live on. He was already getting thinner than any human she’d ever seen, save the ascetic monks in the old temples. 

The problem was, that Camille had no reason to go outside the cave complex they were hiding in, and several good reasons not to leave - not least, that Dai Shi would ask where she was going. She could catch all the sun and fresh air she needed, which wasn’t much anyway, at the cave’s mouth, without setting foot outside of the wards Dai Shi had built up around them to avoid detection. Outside, the Rangers, or the Beast Generals, might notice them and decide to attack, which they couldn’t risk, Camille thought - not yet, anyway. 

There were plants just outside the cave, a thick canopy of leaves, but no fruit, and it was the wrong season (and area) for nuts. Camille thought about it for several days before she decided to ask for help from the one creature she knew would give it without reservations, for his own obscure reasons. 

“Mistress?” Flit, hovering before her, sounded worried. “You haven’t called me in… a while.”

“I have not,” she agreed without further comment. “And now I need you to go and scout for me. Find the Beast Generals, and spy on them - do _not_ get caught, because I will not be able to save you. See if the Rangers are still alive - and _do not approach them_ , do you understand, Flit?” She grabbed him by the wings, ignored his protests, and shook him hard. “You know we have their Red Ranger, you must not tell them. It is too soon.”

“But the Red Ranger is a friend of RJ’s!!” Flit cried, struggling in her grip, “RJ and the Rangers will want to come and save him!”

“They will fail, if they try. It’s too soon,” she repeated, and let him go. “They will never find this place unless they are led here, and you cannot pass the wards without my help. Go and spy, as I told you.” Almost as an afterthought, she held up one finger, “and...if you happen to find some food a human would find useful… you may bring it back.”

For a moment Flit looked as confused as an oversized fly could, but then his many-faceted eyes brightened. “Oh… oh! I will, Mistress! Count on me.” 

He was gone before she could say anything more, and returned half a day later, barely flying under the weight of purloined human food. For a creature with the brain of a fly, he was surprisingly clever, and brought several energy bars that he said he’d seen runners eating by a sports field. She unwrapped one and gave a small piece of it to the Red Ranger, who seemed entirely confused for several long minutes, just staring the the crumbly thing on the floor in front of him, before he picked it up.

“Is it a trick?” he asked, inspecting it in the dim light.

“No trick. One day, soon, we will want to get out of here. You will need some extra strength. Eat it. Slowly.” 

He frowned and studied the piece in his hand again, before putting it in his mouth. His face twitched a few times as he chewed, but didn’t settle into any expression Camille recognized. He swallowed and licked his lips. “I… don’t really care if it’s a trick. I think.” 

“Good enough.” She fed him the energy bar in five pieces, slowly. The next feeding cycle, she fed him fish, and he didn’t ask for another energy bar or look disappointed that there wasn’t one. She alternated the human food and the raw meat, to stretch it out before she needed to send Flit out again. Dai Shi rarely noticed her insect ward, but she didn’t want to take the risk, all the same.

Dai Shi himself still seemed absorbed in his captive, even after all those weeks of toying with him. He sent the Ranger wild, violent dreams, spent hours with him, taunting him, touching him. Camille didn’t think he needed to prove his dominance further, but he did want to keep his hold on the Ranger, and remind him that he was Dai Shi’s possession, completely unable to resist. 

Somehow, strangely, Camille thought it wasn’t working as well as it had. Surely, the Ranger still shuddered away from Dai Shi’s touch, and glared defiance at him when he thought he could get away with it, but there was no longer a palpable sense of fear in his cell when he woke up from the nightmares Dai Shi sent, or when he absorbed the venomous words spoken when he was awake. 

Insane or just numb, the Ranger was no longer afraid. And Dai Shi, a demon who fed on fear, was slowly weakening. 

It was a full week before Camille noticed a real change in him. He was slower, his voice lacked a certain forcefulness, his presence a certain menace. At first, she thought it was just a false hope, but after another week she was almost sure. Deprived of his main source of sustenance, Dai Shi was starting to falter. He hadn’t been feeding well before, either, with only one very stubborn Ranger to feed on, instead of a city terrorized by his monsters, but now he seemed to be completely cut off. 

She didn’t know how long it would take before what was left of the human host could try to reassert himself again; she didn’t know whether there was anything left of him that wanted to regain control; most importantly, she didn’t know how long the Ranger would last, and whether he was up to fighting Dai Shi, if he had to. When the time came, they’d be gambling on all their lives. 

In the end, it happened without any pushing on her part. In fact, she almost missed it, herself. She’d taken to going around the Ranger’s cell when Dai Shi was there, trying to avoid his attention and questions, trying not to see. But that day Dai Shi seemed distracted, preoccupied somehow, and, she lurked in the shadows, just to see whether the Ranger showed any signs of fear, or Dai Shi any further signs of insanity. 

Dai Shi was again stroking the Ranger’s bare skin, sliding his hands up and down possessively, but he wasn’t talking, for a change, only watching. Suddenly, without any change in his expression, he slammed a fist into the Ranger’s side, knocking him to the floor in a tangle of limbs and chains. 

“Look at me, little tiger.” There was something dangerous in Dai Shi’s eyes - more so that usual, and Camille tensed, ready to divert him if it looked like he was going to do something permanent to the Ranger. Slowly, the boy raised his eyes, his face blank. Dai Shi hit him again, this time in the face, knocking him backwards again. “Look at me.”

Again, the Ranger looked at him, obedient yet blank, and again Dai Shi struck him. “ _Look at me!_ ” It was a roar this time. 

“I _am_ ” The Ranger spat blood. “I’m looking. What do you want?” He sounded tired, almost bored, maybe, and Camille wondered whether he’d really lost his mind entirely under the strain of captivity, after all. 

“You look, but you no longer see me, little tiger. You no longer fear. You are making a terrible mistake, in that.” Dai Shi was on his feet now, where he’d previously crouched at the Ranger’s side. “Do I need to remind you why you should fear me?” His boot rose, menacing, over the Ranger’s bare foot. 

“I know why. But I don’t see why I should bother anymore.” The Ranger’s eyes were closed, his voice quiet but steady, even though Camille could see him trembling and knew that Dai Shi had seen it as well. “The great Dai Shi, thousands of years old and instead of taking over the world, you’re busy with me. I’m just a human. What can you do - kill me? That’s the worst you could do. If you could do worse - if you could kill the other Rangers, you’d have done it already.” 

“And how do you know I haven’t?” Dai Shi kicked him, but Camille could tell it wasn’t very hard, because the Ranger’s ribs didn’t all break. His pained hiss and curling around his middle showed that at least a few had cracked, though, and it took him a few moments to gather enough breath to speak.

“You’d have - gloated about it. They’re alive.” Was he grinning? He _was_ , and Camille rubbed her eyes to make sure she was seeing right. The crazy Ranger was smiling, with blood on his lips. _Definitely insane_ , she thought as Dai Shi roared again, and slammed the Ranger against the wall. “All this time, and you can’t have me. You’ll never own me while they’re alive. I’m theirs, not yours - and I’m not afraid of you.” 

Camille cringed and dropped to the floor as Dai Shi released another roar and a wave of energy that shook the cave walls and made small rocks drop from above. 

“I see you need a reminder, little tiger. You’re mine, regardless of your useless little friends. Mine, do you hear? Mind and spirit, body and soul, mine -” He grabbed the Ranger by the hair and dragged him closer, “I showed you once, I can show you again.”

For the first time in weeks, a brief spark of fear flashed through the Ranger’s eyes, and Dai Shi shivered as if electricity had gone through him. “Yes, that’s good, little tiger. You shall learn to fear me again. You -” He dropped the Ranger suddenly and arched back, his teeth clamping on a scream. Camille’s heart skipped a few beats and settled into a wild rush when she realized that Jarrod _was_ still there somewhere - and that he was fighting now in earnest. With Dai Shi weakened, he might even have a chance. 

“Fight him!” she whispered fiercely, unheard over the inhuman growls coming from Dai Shi, twisted through Jarrod’s human throat. 

The human host was twitching violently, limbs jerking as colored light engulfed him, gold and black and orange and red entwined and sparking off each other. Finally, a swath of red light detached itself from the maelstrom, and rushed towards the Ranger, who was still on the floor, curled up to protect his head from rocks.

“Casey! Kill him!” Jarrod’s very human shout was echoed by the Ranger crying out in pain as the red light spun around him and was absorbed into him, and he screamed again as the chains and cuffs flew off him in a hundred red-hot pieces. Somehow, while Camille hid behind a column, the Red Ranger was on his feet, and the red light coalesced into the shape of a tiger. It seemed like everyone was screaming now: Dai Shi and Jarrod, two screams from the same throat; the Red Ranger with his tiger spirit roaring in a mindless fury; and Camille herself, who was sure she _was_ screaming even though she couldn’t hear herself above the others. 

The tiger spirit tore into Dai Shi, clawing and biting at the swirling colored spirits spiralling around the host body with wild abandon, released from captivity and now taking revenge on the captor. The Ranger didn’t seem to have much control over it - nor did he seem to be trying to control it, even when it became clear that it was inflicting the most damage not on the spirit, but on the very human body at the center of the storm. 

Just when Camille was about to intervene, and most likely get herself killed, she was sure, the lights around Jarrod separated, and the gold and black pooled together in a snarling tangle floating by the cave’s roof. Now Camille did scream, when the tiger spirit continued its attack, not on Dai Shi but on Jarrod and the battered, weakened lion spirit, which was all he had left. “Ranger! _Focus on your true enemy!_ ” She leaped from her hiding place, fully armoured, and interposed herself between the tiger spirit and Jarrod - just in time to absorb a blast of force from Dai Shi, which knocked her back and into the Ranger, so they both came crashing down. As colored lights danced in front of her eyes, Camille noted that it hadn’t been a very powerful blast; it had knocked the air out of her lungs and thrown her across the room, but otherwise it had barely hurt. Dai Shi _was_ weaker, very much so. 

The blast was enough to redirect the Ranger and his spirit, though. The human wasn’t on his feet yet, none of them were, but he roared as much as his spirit did, and the red tiger looped around towards the ceiling, only to be thrown back by another blast from Dai Shi. The tiger spirit wasn’t particularly strong either, Camille noted, and both humans had an odd greyish cast to their faces, even in the dim light of the cave. It occurred to her that she was possibly the strongest creature in the room, for the first time ever, and that she’d best do something about that before anybody realized. Before she could second guess herself, Camille directed the strongest pulse of power she could produce at Dai Shi. His scream at this unexpected attack was most gratifying, but then, to Camille’s horror, she felt the ancient dragon’s attention focus on her completely. 

“So… you too betray me, Camille? You side with the humans now?” The demon sounded almost disappointed. “Very well, you will die with them.”

“No!” The Red Ranger pushed himself up to his knees, and his tiger spirit charged again. Camille added her own chameleon spirit, and to her surprise the lion spirit joined them, even though Jarrod looked unconscious. Maybe he was only pretending, Camille thought, as the spirit animals came together in a focused attack, and the dragon was forced back. 

A blast knocked her flat again, and she coughed twice and spat Flit out without even meaning to. Now that he was there, though… “Flit!” She held him close and spoke very quietly as battle raged above her, the chameleon spirit temporarily distracted as her concentration wavered. “Go, quickly, get the other Rangers. Now, fast! Take this.” She drew a coin from a hidden pocket, “This will let them through the wards. Hurry, Flit!” She sent him off, unnoticed by Dai Shi, and turned her full attention back on the fight. 

It seemed to take forever. Of all of them, Camille was the closest to full-strength, and she’d be the first to admit that she wasn’t the strongest of creatures. She was enough to stop Dai Shi from destroying both the tiger and the lion spirit, as both of them were faltering, the tiger fueled by rage and pain, and the lion barely holding its own, driven back with every attack. Back and forth they went, with bolts of energy flying, stones exploding in every direction, and the occasional rocks falling from above, and Camille spared a thought to how ironic it could be, to survive the fight but be crushed to death by falling rocks. 

Finally, the tiger spirit sank its teeth and claws into the dragon and simply held on with vicious tenacity, and Dai Shi seemed unable to shake it off. Camille took the chance for a flanking attack, the chameleon’s claws ripping at the demon’s unprotected side. Dai Shi howled in pain and fury, and managed to throw the tiger spirit off, but it was clear he’d come out the worst in the exchange. 

“You wish to draw out your ends, miserable mortals?” Even his voice wasn’t as deep, and lacked the echo of power behind it. Now, it sounded shrill and tinny in Camille’s ears, and she found she couldn’t be afraid of him anymore, either. The dragon spirit swirled around the ceiling once, twice- and then was gone, fading into the rock and away, as stones continued to fall around them. 

Camille suspected that the cave was about to collapse, and those few stones were only the beginning, and she had no way of knowing whether Dai Shi planned to return, or to allow a cave-in to do his dirty work for him. She pushed herself to her feet, sore all over and barely steady on her feet, and took stock of the situation. Jarrod was definitely unconscious now; still breathing, but only just, and the lion spirit faded back into his body, adding only the faintest tinge of pink to his deathly pale face. The Red Ranger, too, appeared to be unconscious, and bleeding from half a dozen cuts and scratches besides, as his tiger spirit subsided and disappeared as well. As Camille checked his pulse, the Ranger twitched and started to stir, only to stop with a gasp as he tried to move. Something broken, then; possibly several somethings. Camille took a deep breath to ward off panic. They were, technically, free - and in more danger than they had been before. With a sigh, she started dragging Jarrod towards the exit from the caves, hoping that the Ranger wouldn’t be further injured before she got to dragging him out as well.


	3. 2. Dom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the first hours after finding Casey again, Dom handles a badly injured leader, a badly shaken friend, a team of helpless, upset Rangers, and a former friend who may now be a former enemy as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No extra warnings for this one. Canon-level violence, and angst.

At first, Dom wasn’t sure what he was looking at. It was just another day at the Jungle Pizza Parlor, and above the restaurant in their living area, it was as quiet and subdued as it had been since Casey was gone and they’d destroyed the Beast Generals, so the sudden buzzing and the oversized fly came as a surprise. 

“Hey!” Dom snatched the buzzing creature out of the air, and jumped to his feet when it shrieked in protest. 

“Rangers - Dai Shi - Red Ranger - Camille said - _hurry_!” the fly gasped and buzzed, and Dom shook it a little to make it shut up. His heart had started racing at the words, though, and he could feel the world come into sharp focus as adrenaline flooded his system. 

“Say that again.” The noise had brought the others in - Theo and Lily from training, and RJ out of the nap he’d been taking in one of the hammocks. 

“Dai Shi is free and your friend the Red Ranger needs your help! Right now, hurry!” the fly - Flit, Dom suddenly remembered - repeated urgently. “Don’t just stand there, _follow me_! Before Dai Shi kills them all!” 

“Why should we believe you?” There was badly-disguised hope in Theo’s eyes and voice, and his hand crept into Lily’s, gripping hard. RJ looked like forming words was beyond him right now, but it was to him that Flit turned with a reply.

“RJ, my friend, would I lie to you? Camille wouldn’t let me come before, Dai Shi was too strong, but I can show you where he’s keeping your friend the Red one. But you have to hurry, they are fighting, and your friend -” Dom had no idea that a fly could sound so worried - “he isn’t very strong. Dai Shi is evil and crazy, there isn’t much time.”

“You heard him. He wouldn’t lie to me. We’re friends.” RJ seemed to find his voice, and turned to Lily. “Let’s go.” It was as much a question as a statement, since Lily had become the de-facto leader in Casey’s absence. Dom and Theo didn’t want to lead, and RJ couldn’t, so Lily naturally stepped into the position. 

“Yeah, let’s go.” Lily nodded. “Call the others.”

The Old Masters joined them as they all morphed and summoned their Zords, and Dom could feel the Spirit Masters behind them as well, offering their support. It had been all hands on deck, most of the time, to keep the Beast Generals in check until they were finally defeated, and they were used to fighting with the Old Masters now. As they rushed ahead, Dom glanced over at RJ and read the vibrating tension in him even through his suit and helmet, in full morph. He saw the looks Master Finn directed at his son, both concerned and slightly disapproving, and prayed they would be in time, and that Flit wasn’t lying and Casey was alive. 

They were in the middle of nowhere, halfway between the city and Dai Shi’s old citadel, now abandoned, when a too-familiar black and gold spiral of light and energy came flying right at them, and solidified into an enormous many-headed dragon. Dom took in the fact that apparently Dai Shi was now independent of Jarrod without stopping to think of exactly what that might mean. There was no time to think, as three Zords took to the field against the demon, fortified and supported by ten warriors, both dead and living, for the sake of one Ranger, who was hopefully very much alive.

It took only seconds for Dom to realize that while Dai Shi was much, much stronger than any of the Beast Generals in theory, he didn’t seem that much stronger now than they had been. He was injured, clearly, which made Dom’s heart soar with hope that it was Casey who’d inflicted the damage, and not nearly as big as Dom had expected. He knew it would take all their considerable skill, experience, strength and conviction to destroy him completely, but knew as well that they would give their all to do it.

The next few minutes were a blur of attack and counter-attack, flanking and leaping, harrying Dai Shi between them with all of them scoring hits both major and minor, until finally Lily called them together. 

“All of us, at once, with all our strength! One final strike, to finish him off!” She sounded like she believed they could do it, and they all rallied behind her, bringing all their energy together. 

The blast, combining so many colors it became a blinding flash of white, streamed out and pooled together and struck the demon head-on, creating a shockwave that sent the Zords tumbling heads over heels and slammed the Rangers violently out of morph. After the noise and confusion of the fight, the silence seemed huge, and terrible. When Dom blinked blearily and pushed himself up, there was only a smoking crater when Dai Shi had been. For the space of several heart beats, they all stared in awe and shock.

“Rangers! _Hey!_ ” Again, the buzzing took Dom by surprise, and clearly brought the others down to Earth as well, as Flit started not only flying around them but also pushing them around by thumping into them. “Hurry! You still need to save your friend! Camille and Jarrod and the Red Ranger are in trouble!”

RJ physically shook himself, like a dog coming out of a dream. “Where are they, Flit? We - we haven’t been able to find -”

“Sure you haven’t! There were wards! But I can lead you through them, with this!” The fly proudly presented a golden coin, “Camille gave me this, so I can lead you to them! She needs your help, and so does your friend. And - and Jarrod.” The fly’s antennae drooped a little, “Poor Jarrod.”

For a moment, Dom wondered whether Jarrod hadn’t survived being freed of Dai Shi’s possession, had been left too broken by it to live - but Flit clearly didn’t know or he’d have said something, which meant every second mattered.

“Let’s move, then.” Unlike RJ, Dom didn’t appeal to Lily but simply waited for her nod, and they trooped into the Zords again, their sense of urgency growing. Flit navigated, leading from behind RJ’s shoulder, and they all followed him through the woods and behind what seemed like the solid side of a mountain until they were right on top of it, and past the wards. Once there, they could see the tunnel leading down to what Flit explained was a series of caves, excavated in ancient times. As they left the Zords, Dom could feel the ground trembling under their feet, and heard the crash of rocks coming down somewhere in the caves below. The Rangers all exchanged looks, then broke into a dead run. 

They almost ran right over Camille, coming up to the surface as they sprinted down the corridor. She was dragging someone - Dom noted it was Jarrod, who looked pale and ragged, but bore no obvious sign of injury. When Theo almost slammed into her, she dropped into a defensive crouch. Flit detached himself from RJ’s shoulder and flew at her. 

“Camille! You’re alive!” He circled her head in frantic excitement, “ _Are_ you alive? Is Jarrod? And where’s the Ranger?”

“Down there.” She wasn’t looking at Flit but at the Rangers, and she looked scared. She also looked like she’d gone several rounds with an opponent bigger and stronger than herself, but none of her injuries looked like the kind that Casey could inflict - which Dom took to mean that they’d been on the same side, or at least not opposite each other. “The cave’s collapsing. He’s not far. Hurry.” While her expression was pinched with fear and exhaustion, her voice carried the same sort of urgency that they all felt. 

“Theo, help me get them out. Dom, RJ -” Lily didn’t need to complete the sentence, as RJ was already moving, with Dom hot on his heels, down towards where Camille had indicated. 

Dom was usually slightly faster than RJ, but not today. Today, RJ was kneeling by Casey’s still body by the time Dom reached them, two fingers at the younger man’s throat, checking for a pulse. 

“He’s alive.” There was relief, anger and something that probably went deeper than both in RJ’s voice. “Let’s get him out of here.” The floor was still rumbling under their feet, and occasional stones fell from above. 

As they lifted Casey between them - and frankly, Dom was surprised that RJ let him help at all - Dom took in the younger man’s state, and felt a rising anger, as well as sadness welling up in him. Casey was naked, painfully thin, and what Dom could see through the filth covering him was bruised and bleeding from several scrapes and cuts. He was breathing, but shallowly, and moaned in pain when they moved him. Still, they had to get him out of the cave before they could help, and all Dom could do was hope they weren’t making things worse. 

“Oh God, Casey!” Lily ran up to meet them when they finally reached daylight again., “Come on, we need to get out of here.” Together, they scrambled out of the cave, narrowly missing a massive fall of rocks that partially blocked the passage back into the cave system. “Into the Zords?” 

“Into the Zords,” Dom nodded. He could see that Theo was supporting Camille, and Masters Finn and Phant were carrying Jarrod between them. “And then -”

“Home.” RJ said stiffly, just as Master Finn said, ”My house.” 

“No!” RJ turned on his father with a snarl. “They’re coming home with us.” 

“They need care, and quiet.” There was nothing gentle in Master Finn’s voice, although his eyes, taking in Casey’s state as well as RJ’s, were sympathetic. “Look at them, RJ - they’re both injured, and with all due respect, your loft is no place to take them. Not yet.” As much as Dom shared RJ’s wish not to let Casey out of his sight again, he knew the older man had a point.

“RJ, the loft doesn’t even have private rooms, and there’s always noise from the pizza parlor downstairs.” Theo added his opinion, and RJ started to look betrayed and hurt, as well as scared and sad. Dom drew his attention, and they carefully laid Casey down on the floor. RJ covered him with his uniform jacket, but ran his hands carefully over his body underneath it, checking him over superficially. 

“Ribs, cracked at least, maybe broken. Cuts and scrapes, he hit his head on something -”

“The wall. More than once” Camille provided. “And there was something wrong with his shoulder, too.”

“Collarbone.” RJ nodded. “Broken, I think.” His face twisted in mingled grief and anger. “And his hands…” He bit his lip hard. All of them had been trying not to look at Casey’s hands, which were swollen and bloodied. “We didn’t kill Dai Shi enough. Nothing is enough for this.” He drew a hand roughly over his eyes, and stood up again. “Alright, we’ll take him to your place, dad.” 

At least that was over without a fight. Master Finn’s house was more than large enough to accommodate a few guests - Camille refused to leave Jarrod’s side, while the others, barring the Old Masters, seemed wary of getting anywhere near him. Dom reminded himself that Theo and Lily didn’t know Jarrod as well as he did, and, once Casey was safely deposited in RJ’s Zord, came to make sure his former friend was in no immediate danger. He quickly discovered that although Jarrod was unconscious, there was nothing broken that he could find, and he guessed that the man was simply dealing with the aftermath of serving as a demon’s vessel for a year - which Dom assumed had to be pretty exhausting. 

They all headed to Master Finn’s house, dismissed the Zords, and for a while they were mostly silent, setting up rooms and beds and basic medical equipment. Camille again flat out refused to let Jarrod out of her sight, almost as much as RJ seemed to have trouble loosening his hold on Casey. RJ was vibrating with tension, clearly waiting for Casey to wake up, and his nerves, as usual, spread out to the others. 

“RJ? Give me a hand, here. We should get Casey cleaned up.” Fortunately, the house came equipped with several large baths, as befit a Shark Master. RJ nodded, and Dom seemed to feel a sigh of relief behind them as they left the main room where the beds were being set up. “We’ve got him now, man. You can relax,” Dom looked at his friend’s face and amended, “You _should_ relax.”

“I can’t. I have to - I need to -” RJ choked, and Dom nodded and didn’t prod him further. Together, they gently lowered Casey into a tub and soaked several sponges with warm water. As the water touched him, Casey started waking up, whimpering in pain, and RJ made a noise in the back of his throat, halfway to hysteria. “We’re hurting him.”

“We don’t have much of a choice. We need to clean him up, RJ.” Dom kept his voice steady, calm and sure, even though he was feeling none of those things. RJ had been volatile, on the verge of flying apart (or somewhat past that edge) since Casey’s disappearance, and of all of them Dom was best at managing him, handling his bursts of temper and occasional bouts of despair. Now, he seemed to be going through both at once - though not for long, Dom hoped. “We’ll see about medical stuff after we can see him clearly, okay? Right now he’s so dirty we’re probably missing things.” 

Casey was curled up in a near-fetal position, and resisted any attempt to change that, even barely-conscious, so they didn’t have the easiest time washing him, but they managed, gently and carefully. They were clearly hurting him, though, and RJ responded to every gasp and whimper with a twitch of his fingers or a hissed out curse. Dom made a mental note to find out where Master Finn kept the good sort of alcohol and get some of it into RJ - hell, into all of them - soonest. 

Slowly, they were getting more of a response from Casey, and RJ motioned for Dom to stop moving for a moment, and gently cupped Casey’s face with one hand, smoothing a thumb over his bruised cheek. Dom wisely decided not to comment on the tenderness he saw in RJ’s expression, or the waver in his voice as he said Casey’s name. Slowly, painfully slow, Casey blinked and finally opened his eyes. 

“Casey!” It was close to a sob, and Dom put a steadying hand on RJ’s shoulder, only to have it shrugged off, almost violently. “Casey? Can you hear me?”

“Hear you.” Casey blinked again, squinting against the light. Dom moved between him and the direct glare of the large lamp behind him, and he seemed to relax. “RJ?”

“Yeah. Yeah, buddy, it’s me.” RJ smiled, for what seemed like the first time in weeks. Dom’s eyes stung, and he twitched his nose to dispel the threat of tears. “Can you move your toes for me?”

Casey twitched his toes obediently, but then winced and closed his eyes. “Not real.”

RJ frowned, “Not real? What’s not real?”

“You. This. Here, it’s not real.” 

“It’s very real. Really, really real.” Dom wondered whether RJ was trying to convince Casey, or himself. “We destroyed Dai Shi. You’re at my dad’s house. You - you’re hurt.” RJ trailed off, looking lost. Casey opened his eyes again. 

“Dai Shi’s gone? We fought him - Jarrod and Camille and me. It’s never happened like that before.” He clearly wasn’t too focused or aware; Dom frowned as well, thinking about concussions, trauma, psychological torture, any of the many things Dai Shi might’ve done, in the weeks he’d had. It was not a pleasant path of thought to follow. “He - he went away. And you got him? He’s gone?”

“Yeah. You’re safe now, we’ve got you.” RJ squeezed Casey’s wrist without thinking, and Casey let out a noise of distress. “Shit! Sorry, sorry -” RJ dropped his hand quickly and jumped back. “Damnit. I’m sorry.” 

“Casey, can you tell us where you’re hurt? Is there anything we can’t see?” Dom moved in smoothly, stepped around RJ and closer so Casey could see him. The younger man smiled, very faintly but clearly there, when he caught sight of him. He seemed to be concentrating on the question.

“Side - ribs. Left side, kick.” He let out a short breath and went a shade paler, “Broken. Collarbone. Not broken. Everywhere else - was tied up, couldn’t move. The whole time.” Muscles and joint strain, then, and Dom nodded, noting that he was still curled up into himself. “Head. Dizzy - concussion?”

“Probably, yeah.” Dom nodded again. Casey sighed and closed his eyes again, then opened them with an effort. 

“Shouldn’t sleep, then. But I’m tired, Dom. And this is… like the dreams.” Dom had never before seen him so uncertain, so very - young, really, and vulnerable. It tore at his heart, and he too reached for Casey’s arm, to let him know they were truly there. 

“You’re safe now. You’re with us, and you’re safe. Just - your hands?”

“Oh.” After a moment of confusion, Casey’s eyes cleared. “They healed, the first time. And the second. Last time… they didn’t, not that well.” He made an attempt at a quickly aborted shrug and grimaced. “Dunno.” 

“Can I check them? I’ll be careful.” At Casey’s nod of permission, Dom bent to look at his hands more closely. They were shaking, and Dom didn’t feel too steady, himself, but he knew that Casey was probably holding himself together through sheer stubbornness - as was RJ, most likely. He inspected them carefully and muttered a very dirty word. “That’s going to be a mess to fix. Sorry, Case, I hope the Power can help you, or fixing them might be about as bad as whatever hurt them in the first place.” 

“Okay.” It was as good a response as any, and Dom attempted a smile, which he didn’t think was all that successful. “Thanks. Sure this - isn’t a dream?”

“Very sure.” In that, at least, Dom knew he could sound like he meant it. “You’re home.” 

“Home.” Casey didn’t sound like he believed that entirely. For a moment, his eyes grew bright with emotion of some kind, but then he refocused. “RJ?”

“Yeah.” RJ moved closer, reaching for Casey’s arm again. They all needed to feel something solid, something real, and Dom rested his free hand on RJ’s back, silently comforting. “I’m here.”

“Good. Missed you.” The smile wasn’t as faint now. “Jarrod.”

“What about him?” RJ’s voice hardened, and the muscles under Dom’s hand tensed.

“He might try - something. Dangerous. To himself, not to us.” Casey stopped to breathe, his eyes earnest, intense. “He’ll want to die, RJ. Don’t let him. Until I’m better - don’t let him, okay?”

RJ looked as puzzled as Dom felt, but he nodded anyway, “Sure. I won’t let him do anything stupid.” 

“Good.” It was clearly a struggle for him to stay awake now, and Dom indicated that they should get him out of the tub. 

By the time they got him out, dried, and dressed in a spare set of pajamas, Casey was fast asleep. RJ lingered over him, absentmindedly stroking his hair. As before, Dom didn’t comment on the look in his eyes, nor on the tears running silently down his face. He drew RJ away after a few moments, pulling him into a one-armed hug. 

“Let’s let him rest, okay? He needs it, bad.”

“Yeah.” Unwilling though he was, RJ allowed Dom to lead him back out. “I just -”

“I know, man. You can come back in a few minutes. Right after we make sure Jarrod isn’t actively trying to kill himself right now. Okay?”

“Okay.”

***

As it turned out, there was no need to worry about anybody trying anything for a day or so, as both Casey and Jarrod slept for hours, woke only briefly, and slept again. Jarrod said nothing when he woke, and wouldn’t look at any of them except Camille, who was standing watch over him with a loyalty Dom found impressive. She wouldn’t leave his side, dismissing inquiries as to her own comfort or injuries, and watched all of them like a hawk. 

“We won’t hurt him. Not while he’s like this, anyway,” Lily explained earnestly - if perhaps too honestly for Camille’s peace of mind, as the chameleon spirit bared her teeth at her until RJ hastened to add that they were under orders not to let any harm come to him, in any case. Camille relaxed only marginally at that, but allowed herself to doze off after a while, one of her hands resting firmly on Jarrod’s arm.

RJ himself was a bundle of nerves, pacing anxiously, starting to say something only to stop mid-word, wave a hand and pick up his pacing again. Eventually, Dom stood in his path to make him stop. 

“Why don’t you, Theo and Lily go back home?” he suggested carefully, “Just for a while, to let Fran know what happened, and to pick up some clothes and things for Casey? Fran’s probably out of her mind with worry - and run off her feet with the afternoon crowd.” Dom squeezed RJ’s arm. “Look, we have the Old Masters here -” Masters Phant and Swoop had stayed to help, and Master Finn was still there too, of course “- and they won’t wake up anytime soon, man, you need the distraction until they do or you’ll work yourself up into… something.” Despair, rage, ecstasy, any and all of them were possible, the state RJ was in. Dom didn’t want him to do anything rash or stupid just because he was worried. 

“That’s a great idea!” Theo had been standing by the wall looking lost, and seized the opportunity to leave with almost rude haste. He’d been the least open about his feelings regarding Casey’s disappearance, of all of them, and Dom had a feeling that he had really believed Casey was dead - or had tried hard to convince himself of it, since grief was easier than not knowing. Now, he’d need to reconsider and settle some things in his mind, and a break from the tension would do him good. “We’ll be more useful at home, bringing things, than we are here,” Theo added, almost as an apology, when RJ glared at him. 

“It _is_ a good idea, Dom,” Lily nodded in agreement, but wasn’t as eager about it as Theo. “Are there things besides clothes that we need?”

“Yes, I’ll make up a list for you,” Master Phant replied, and Dom was again grateful for the assistance of the Old Masters in this. If he had to be honest with himself, none of the Rangers had the experience or knowledge to deal with whatever was probably wrong with Casey - and even less so with whatever trauma Jarrod might be dealing with. “We’ll need a few more details, however,” Master Phant added, then turned to Camille, who’d come awake when they started making plans, “Camille, what can you tell us about what happened to Casey in captivity, and what he and Jarrod might need now?”

She tensed and thought for a moment. “I know most of what happened, but not how any of it would affect a human body, or what a human might need, as a result.” Her reply was slow, and it was clear she was choosing her words carefully. She kept looking at RJ, her eyes darting around the room nervously, but always returning to him. He glared right back at her.

“Then tell us everything that happened.”

“No.” That took courage to say, in the face of RJ’s anger, and again Dom was impressed with her fortitude. “Not while they’re both still asleep. Most of it can wait.” She held up her free hand, “I _can_ tell you that they both need to eat. Jarrod was sustained by demon energies, while he was Dai Shi’s host; I haven’t seen him eat once in all this time. Your Red Ranger…” She shrugged, “Is probably hungry.” 

“He’s lost a lot of weight,” Dom agreed, seeing that RJ was struggling to maintain some semblance of calm and wasn’t up to talking. “What did Dai Shi feed him?”

“Tiger food. Raw meat, raw fish. Not much of either. Once every couple of days.” Camille now seemed detached, answering without thinking and without any emotion behind the words, but her fingers tightened where she was holding Jarrod’s hand. “And I think humans aren’t very good at eating raw meat?”

“We aren’t,” Master Phant agreed dryly, his pen racing over a sheet of paper as he spoke, “Lily, I’m making two separate lists for groceries and pharmacy, or a food supplement store if you pass by one, and underlining what’s most urgent, alright?” 

Dom glanced over his shoulder, and saw a whole array of vitamin supplements, as well as a list of groceries that seemed to be more for the caretakers than for Casey and Jarrod, but then, it wasn’t like Master Finn was really up to hosting all of them for any length of time. 

“Thanks, Camille,” he said, because it didn’t seem like anybody else thought to say it. “Is there anything that you need?”

“Demon energies and the occasional fly sustain me well enough,” she replied neutrally, but Dom thought she was surprised by the question. “Thank you.”

“Thank _you_ ,” Dom returned, “Without you and Flit, we’d never have found them. Thanks for - for keeping an eye on Casey.” He saw RJ open his mouth to say something, and close it again, having apparently rethought the idea. Good. Whatever he said now would probably be something he’d regret, when he wasn’t out of his mind with worry and fear. 

It didn’t take long after that to get his fellow Rangers out of the house. RJ lingered, looking back and clearly reluctant to leave, until Dom set himself at Casey’s bedside, promising silently that he’d keep watch. Even so, Lily and Theo had to practically drag him away. Fortunately, they too had become adept at RJ-handling, over the past weeks, each of them in their own way. Left alone with Camille and the Masters, Dom let his shoulder slump and sat down heavily. “This is going to take longer than anybody thinks, doesn’t it?”

“Probably,” Master Phant nodded, his expression serious. “They will both need time to recover, physically as well as spiritually and emotionally. I’m going to guess that Casey didn’t have access to his tiger spirit, in captivity?” The question was addressed to Camille, who nodded. 

“It was the first thing Dai Shi took from him, right after he disabled your cameras. And it was the first thing Jarrod gave back, when he freed himself from Dai Shi’s influence. From what I saw, both spirits are weak, damaged, but they’ll recover in time. Faster, now each is back with the body it belongs in.” She seemed less tense, now RJ was no longer glaring at her or sneaking dark looks at Jarrod. 

“Having the spirit back will do them both good,” Master Swoop spoke for the first time in hours. “Things will be easier for Casey if we can get him back on the Grid, the Power will help.” 

“I’m sure RJ will bring his morpher back.”

“His morpher?” Master Finn’s question made Dom wince, but he shrugged it off. The truth would’ve come out pretty soon anyway. 

“RJ fixed it. He thinks it should be back to full power and functionality now, but he’ll only know when he puts it on Casey again. Will he need to be conscious for that?”

“He’s been off the Grid for a while. It might help if he was conscious, but it may not be necessary.” It was Master Swoop who answered, while Master Finn’s face worked through a number of expressions before settling on uneasy acceptance of the situation. Casey’s morpher had caused some spectacularly explosive fights between RJ and his father, though there’d been plenty of other causes besides. “We’ll simply have to try and see. He’ll need a lot of help.” With Master Phant’s help, Master Swoop made his way to Casey’s side, his sensitive fingers feeling along his arms and legs carefully. “Was he restrained?”

“Chained down.” Camille replied shortly, again casting a worried look at Dom, then at Master Finn. She could certainly read a room, Dom would give her that. “I’ll - make it simple? Dai Shi treated him as if he was a tiger. No standing up, no clothes, bare cave, raw meat off the floor. He couldn’t move much. Especially after Dai Shi damaged his hands.” 

The slow rage that had bubbled in Dom’s gut for weeks, and grown since they’d found Casey, threatened to erupt into violence. Master Swoop’s hand shot out and grabbed his arm in a painfully tight grip. 

“Control yourself, young warrior. We are all angered by this, but further violence will not help. Work through your anger now, that you may help your friends to the same later.” 

“If I start working RJ through his anger, we’ll both be at it until we’re old men,” Dom grumbled, but the grip on his arm helped ground him, and he drew a deep breath through his nose, released it slow, and forced his shoulders to relax. “Okay. I’m back. Sorry about that.”

“Entirely understandable,” Master Swoop nodded, his voice gentle. “As I said, we are all angry. Let’s try to be happy that Casey’s back with us and safe now, and that Jarrod is free of Dai Shi’s influence. He, too, will need a lot of help - though probably somewhat different help. Casey will need to rebuild his muscles, and that takes time and patience. He’ll want to rush himself, so it’s up to us to make sure he takes things easy, or he’ll harm himself.” His hands returned to Casey’s, gently feeling the layers of scarring around his wrists where the skin had been worn and torn probably countless times, and his fingers, no longer bloody but swollen and crooked. Even in sleep, Casey twitched and let out a soft sound of distress at the touch, and Master Swoop let go, carefully. “Badly healed fractures… once he’s back on the Grid, I’m afraid it may be necessary to break the bones again and allow the Power to re-set them correctly, or he may never have full use of his hands again.” 

Again, Dom took a deep breath through his nose and fought for calm. Master Finn’s walls were liable to take a beating, if this continued - they were a safer target than the people, and less likely to defend themselves. 

“He tried to bite,” Camille volunteered. “Succeeded, once.” Master Finn let out a bark of laughter, and she jumped, then turned to glare at him. “All he ever asked about was you. The Rangers, his team - all he cared about was whether you were still alive. He’s not very smart, your Red Ranger.” 

“Not very strong in the self-preservation department, I think. Red Rangers tend towards… well, less generous people might call it recklessness.” Master Phant smiled very slightly. “I think they held him up well, the Red tendencies. All things considered. Was he talking, earlier?”

“Yeah.” And coherently, more or less, which made Dom think Master Phant was right about the Red tendency towards - well, Dom himself called it ‘crazy’. “He wanted up to keep an eye on Jarrod, he’s worried about him being suicidal. And he didn’t believe this wasn’t a dream.”

“Dai Shi sent him dreams of being rescued,” Camille supplied. “I’d hear him laughing about it. I’m not sure any of the dreams had him getting out without - without killing Jarrod on the way.” She shuddered. “The millennia of captivity twisted and broke Dai Shi’s mind. Not that he was all that sane before, to be honest.” 

“Yeah…” Dom shook his head. “Twisted fuck. Poor Casey. You might want to either distract or restrain RJ, if you’re going to be breaking his fingers again.” This he addressed to Master Swoop, who gestured towards Master Finn, aware of where his fellow Masters were even without sight. 

“I leave that to Master Finn. You’ve both shown a remarkable ability to handle the young Wolf Master. His pack was threatened, his -” for a second it seemed that Master Swoop would say something, and changed his mind, “packmate has been taken from him and hurt. It will take him some time to regain his balance, as well. It’s up to all of us to make sure he doesn’t accidentally do more damage, in his eagerness to help.”

“RJ wouldn’t,” Dom protested, but Master Finn was nodding slowly. “He’d never do anything to hurt Casey!”

“No, he wouldn’t. But in trying to help Casey, he might harm himself, my idiot son.” Master Finn’s tone softened the harsh edge of his words. “I’ll keep an eye on him. Making him take care of himself has been hard enough, these past weeks.” 

That was true enough; getting RJ to eat and sleep had been difficult, in between rounds of combat, and there had been many, many rounds until the Beast Generals were defeated. “We haven’t held him together all these weeks just to have him fly apart on us now.” He didn’t want to think about the kind of hell Casey’d been through, but they hadn’t had the best time of it, either. 

“We’ll manage.” Master Phant’s tone, gentle yet resolute, reassured Dom. With another small sigh, he settled into a more comfortable position and waited for the others to return. 

***

Jarrod woke up before Casey did, which was a problem. It wasn’t long after the other Rangers had returned; RJ had come in, slipped Casey’s red sunglasses over his face, and settled down next to him, tense, silent and watchful. Lily and Theo had gone over to the kitchen with Master Finn, to start setting up the various stores of food and some basic supplies, and the room they were using grew silent again for a few minutes before Jarrod stirred, his head thrashing back and forth in apparently distress.

“Jarrod?” Camille was on her feet, clutching his hand, awake in an instant, “Jarrod, wake up.” 

Hearing his name must’ve helped - or startled him into wakefulness, anyway. Dom stood up and approached their two former enemies, holding his hands up to show Camille that he meant them no harm. It was a pointless gesture, he thought as he crossed the room: he could do about as much damage with his bare hands as most people could with firearms, even without morphing. Holding his hands up could be considered a threat, if someone stopped to think about it - and Camille clearly was thinking about it, because she held up her free hand to stop him. 

“Don’t come any further, White Ranger.” She looked down, her tone and manner softening considerably, “Jarrod? Can you hear me?”

“Yeah…” He was struggling to raise his head, and she propped him up carefully. When he looked up and saw Dom, with the Masters behind him and RJ still seated next to Casey, he froze and went a few shades paler. Then he closed his eyes and looked down. “I’m - still alive?”

“Evidently.” Master Finn answered, without heat or judgement, “And as we don’t intend for you to be anything but alive for the foreseeable future, would you like some water?”

The idea seemed to surprise him; he frowned for a moment, as if not sure what the offer of water meant, and then nodded, carefully, uncertain of the motion. Dom reminded himself that Jarrod hadn’t had control of himself, even at the most basic level, in almost a year. Did Dai Shi need to drink, at all? Had he bothered with nodding, or did he just gesture imperiously for things to be done according to his will? He shook off this silly train of thought and watched quietly as Jarrod reached for the bottle of water Master Finn held out, labeled and sealed, so he’d know it was probably safe to drink. Jarrod’s hand trembled as he took the bottle, and he raised his eyes for a fraction of a second to look at them all, then looked down again and tugged his other hand out of Camille’s grip, wrapping it around the bottle as well. He drank slowly, every motion calculated, and choked slightly on the first sip. The third sip sent him into a full coughing fit, and only Dom’s fast reflexes kept the bottle from spilling all over the bed and the floor, as he grabbed it when Jarrod let go to focus on coughing. 

“Perhaps a straw would help,” Master Phant suggested neutrally, and dug around one of the grocery bags that hadn’t ended up in the kitchen, retrieving one and holding it out to Jarrod. It took the younger man a moment to collect himself, and he was looking thoroughly miserable by then, but with the aid of the straw he managed to get half the bottle of water down. 

“Alright.” Master Finn clapped his hands once for attention, “Our guests don’t need an audience, they need peace and quiet, and Casey needs for you not to wake him up.” He made a shooing motion with both hands. “Everybody but Camille, Dom and RJ, out. Lily, Theo, you have classes to teach, and the evening rush at the pizza parlor won’t take care of itself.”

They did have afternoon classes, and Fran needed help, but both Lily and Theo were reluctant to leave, and Dom didn’t blame them a bit. He knew he had to stay, just in case their former enemies were less ‘former’ than they seemed, and to make sure RJ didn’t accidentally kill Jarrod even if he wasn’t any kind of threat, but the room felt crowded and Camille was looking more and more tense. Jarrod had laid back down with his eyes closed, but he held himself rigid, even more tense than Camille and clearly not asleep. 

“Come.” Master Phant slung a friendly arm across Lily’s shoulders. “Young Masters, this journey will be a long and slow one. You miss nothing by not behind here for parts of it. Besides, you need to rest now, so that we can send those two -” he indicated RJ and Dom, “to bed, later. We’ll all need our rest. Go now, and come back after you close up shop for the night. Casey won’t wake before then.”

Master Phant seemed to be the most knowledgeable of them all with this sort of situation, or at least was pretending very well to be; his words and tone were reassuring, and Lily relaxed visibly. 

“You’re right. Come on, Theo, Fran will need our help. RJ, would you like us to close down Jungle Pizza for a few days? I’m sure everyone’s allowed a few days off for a personal emergency.” She voiced the suggestion carefully, her gaze analysing what she could read in RJ’s face. As leader of the Power Rangers over the past weeks, Dom thought Lily had matured a lot - by necessity, and not through pleasant circumstances, but it had done her good. She’d certainly become better at reading people.

“No.” The word came like a soft explosion, and RJ swallowed hard and repeated it, in a more controlled fashion this time, “No. Our customers shouldn’t go hungry just because we’re having… issues. We’ll stay open. Besides,” he added with a rueful shadow of a smile, “pounding dough is therapeutic. Go. I’ll join you later - after Casey wakes up.” He even sounded like he meant it, though Dom knew it’d take a fight to remove him from the room even for a bathroom break, at this point. Lily and Theo seemed to believe him, though, and soon the room didn’t feel quite as crowded. Master Swoop was quietly meditating in the corner, so still and silent it was as if he wasn’t there, and RJ hadn’t moved from his seat by Casey’s bed.

After a few minutes of silence, Jarrod opened his eyes but didn’t move. “Why am I here?”

“You freed yourself of Dai Shi,” Camille explained, smoothing her thumb over the back of his hand, “You helped the Red Ranger free himself by returning the tiger spirit to him. And then the Rangers collected us all, and defeated Dai Shi - and now…” She seemed uncertain, suddenly, at a slight loss, “They’ve promised not to hurt us, in any case.”

“We have,” Dom confirmed. “Jarrod - you’re free. Safe. When you recover, what you do will be up to you.” 

RJ’s expression said that he didn’t necessarily agree with Dom on that; Camille looked skeptical, while Jarrod simply stared blankly, as if the concept was too complex for him to wrap his mind around - and maybe it was, Dom thought, after so many months with no freedom and no control. “Rest, and take your time. Nobody’s in any hurry.” Nobody was, except possibly RJ, who really wanted Casey to wake up already. He’d removed the morpher from Casey’s face and hooked it on the collar of his pajama shirt after about half an hour, and Dom had to admit that Casey was looking a little better already, not as pale and wan as he had been - but possibly that was just the softer lighting. He didn’t think the Power would fix things quite so quickly, and from what he’d read, it wouldn’t be a good idea to draw too strongly on the Power, anyway. 

Jarrod was clearly not up to arguing it out, in any case, and after a while the tension slowly drained out of him as he slid towards sleep again. After that, there was silence for a while. RJ stared at Casey’s face, drinking him in - did he have any idea, Dom wondered, of how love-struck he looked, doing that? Because Master Finn was looking at him closely, and he clearly saw the same thing Dom had - and didn’t necessarily like it. Dom filed that away for future reference; they probably had a while yet before anything happened in that regard, although he was fairly sure Casey liked RJ about as much as RJ liked him, and in much the same way. With Dai Shi gone, maybe they could explore that - when Casey recovered. 

With his mind on said recovery, Dom again forcibly removed himself from a pointless path of thought, and stood up. “Maybe we should move one of the beds to another room,” he suggested quietly. The others all looked at him, and he shrugged, slightly uncomfortable with their full attention on him, “Might be better for both of them not to be together? And they’ll need peace and quiet, which I’m not sure this room can provide, Master Finn, with all due respect.” It was the main room of the house, and opened to the outside as well as the kitchen, several other rooms, and the stairs going to the second floor. “You do have smaller rooms, don’t you?”

“I do,” Master Finn nodded, “and that’s not a bad thought. Let’s do that before either one of them wakes again.” 

It was a bit of a project, moving both patients without waking them up or injuring them further. There were two smaller rooms on either side of the kitchen which could be cleaned up and made into sick rooms, which at least saved them from having to carry everything - and everyone - upstairs. Dom was fairly certain that Jarrod was actually awake most of the time, drawn out of sleep by the noise they made, but his eyes stayed closed and he didn’t offer to make things easier for them by walking on his own, so Dom didn’t comment on it. Jarrod was probably still scared of them, all reassurances aside, and not up to extended interaction, and Dom couldn’t blame him for it, either. There’d be some sort of price to pay for the damage he’d done, even if he’d had no real control over himself in doing it, and until that was resolved, Dom assumed a wariness would remain. 

An hour later, everything was calm and quiet again. Master Finn disappeared into the kitchen and returned with plates full of some kind of stew - vegetables and beans only, Dom noticed, but it smelled pretty good - and set one in front of each of them, Master Swoop and Camille included. The chameleon demon seemed surprised by the attention, but inclined her head in a simple gesture of gratitude and ate without speaking. When Dom went over to the room Casey was now in, he found RJ playing with his food, moving it around on the plate until Dom cleared his throat and glared at him, at which point he started eating, slow and sullen. 

“He’s back, and safe,” Dom said quietly, “Now you need to get your act together and help him recover, man.” He tried not to sound harsh about it. RJ thought for a moment, then nodded once and kept his head down, hair falling over his eyes. 

“I know. It’s just - it doesn’t seem real yet. And he looks more dead than alive. And I feel like there’s more I could be doing, but I don’t know what.”

“You should meditate.” Dom couldn’t believe he was suggesting this, but it did usually help RJ a lot more than it helped him, “Or you could do something so you don’t feel so useless.” 

“I’d love to feel less useless. Any ideas?” Now that Dom was looking at him properly, RJ looked wrung out, grey with exhaustion, and Dom wondered how much effort it would take to get him to go to sleep as well. Maybe when the others returned. He thought for a moment, picking his own brain for options. 

“We’re going to need help, here,” he started. “All due respect to the Masters, I’m not sure any of them are really up to date on common methods of helping someone recover from a long captivity. The Grid can’t do all the work for us, and we wouldn’t like it if it did.” At RJ’s nod, he continued, “so, go research. Read up online about things that might be useful. reach out to the other Ranger teams, you have better connections there than all of us combined.” The others were only marginally aware of the fact that seeking help from other Ranger teams was even an option, and Dom wasn’t really into the whole networking thing - but RJ was. 

“Huh. I hadn’t thought of that. Too distracted, I suppose.” RJ scrubbed a hand across his face. “I could call the Lightspeed team, their Pink is a doctor - and I think we might need a doctor on board for this one, at least to consult with.” 

Dom nodded slowly. First aid and basic stuff they could all deal with, but this was far, far out of what they were familiar with, and the potential for doing more harm than good worried him. “If she can come help us, or at least be aware of the situation, I think that might be a good start.” When RJ’s hand hovered towards his phone, Dom caught it in a light grip, “It’s late, dude. Call her tomorrow, it’s not an emergency anymore. Now, we have pretty much all the time in the world.” 

RJ subsided, and finished his dinner under Dom’s watchful eye. Dom stayed with him afterwards, trusting the Masters to keep an eye on Jarrod and Camille, and so he was there when Casey finally woke up again. 

It was almost 1 am, and they were all silent, watchful and waiting. Or, to be entirely honest, RJ was watchful and Dom was catching a quick nap, waiting for the others to return from Jungle Pizza after closing down shop for the night. He jerked awake, though, when Casey started moving restlessly, in near silence. When he opened his eyes, though, it was with a low cry of - pain? Misery? Fear? Dom wasn’t sure, but it seemed to tear at his heart and he was on his feet before him mind consciously registered the noise. 

“Casey? Case, whatever it is, it’s just a nightmare, okay? It’s not real?”

“No… you’re not real.” Casey slurred the words, still apparently asleep, “Always - dream - freedom. Always wrong.” 

“Not this time, buddy. This time it’s real.” RJ’s hand hovered over Casey’s again, uncertain, but Casey took the decision himself and grabbed for the reaching hand with both of his, damaged as they were. 

“RJ?” Soft and plaintive, and somehow even worse than before. Casey blinked at them both, eyes unfocused, and Dom remember he had a concussion, which the Grid couldn’t possibly have fixed this quickly. They didn’t need to worry about waking him up every few hours, with him on the Grid again, but there was only so much supernatural healing could deal with, in less than a day.

“Yeah, we’re here. You’re at my dad’s house. It’s not a dream, okay, Casey? It’s real, you’re free, you’re safe. I promise.” RJ’s voice cracked slightly on the last word, and that seemed to convince Casey that it wasn’t a dream - though Dom wasn’t enough of an optimist to think he’d just believe it every time he woke up, from now on.

“Jarrod - okay? Camille and the others?”

“They’re all fine. You should concentrate on yourself, Case, We’ll take care of Jarrod.”

“‘S what - I’m afraid of.” Apparently RJ’s reassurance wasn’t all that reassuring, which probably had something to do with his less than friendly expression. “Don’t hurt him. Not his fault.” 

“I won’t hurt him.” Dom thought it wasn’t a promise RJ liked to make, and wondered just what it was that made Casey think they’d want to take their revenge on Jarrod for Dai Shi’s actions - but then, Casey knew a lot more than they did about Dai Shi, now. Maybe he had a reason to worry, which in turn made Dom worry. “You rest, alright? We’ll have time to talk about this later.”

“Everything hurts.” There was very little complaint in the words; they were a statement of fact, not much more. “Will that stop?”

“Eventually. You’ll heal, we always do. We’ll all help.” Now that was a promise RJ sounded much more certain about, and Dom could echo without reservation. “You’ll be alright. Believe me?”

“Ye-eah.” The word was interrupted by a yawn. “RJ?”

“Yeah?”

“‘S nice… to be home.” Casey drew RJ’s hand down to his face as the blankly sleepy mask cracked and he started trembling, hard, “It’s - it’s -”

“Shh…” RJ”s free hand came up to stroke Casey’s shoulder, now shaking with silent, wrenching sobs as he buried his face in RJ’s hand, still held in his own. “Shh… it’s alright, buddy. Let it out. Let it go. You’re fine. You’re be alright. You’ll be just fine.” 

None of them were fine, least of all Casey, but for a few short minutes, alone in a small room in the dark, Dom let himself believe that they would be, now. 

Minutes later, when Casey slipped back into sleep and it was RJ’s turn to sort of collapse into a chair, looking absolutely shattered, Dom reconsidered that burst of undue optimism and decided that they still had a long way to go, towards ‘fine’, after all.


	4. 3. RJ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gondor- or rather, RJ- calls for aid, as the Rangers are clearly in over their heads. Guest appearance by Dr. Dana Mitchell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No extra warnings in this one, unless very vague medical stuff is a touchy subject for you. Please note that being fed only raw meat for weeks causes a whole bunch of incredibly unpleasant problems, most of which I'm disregarding under the clause of The Power Heals and the fact that parasites and malnutrition may be good story material, but for another story.

In the morning, after a night with very little sleep, RJ made a few calls. 

Everything still felt unreal to him. He kept feeling like if he closed his eyes, went in the other room, let go, even for a minute, he’d return or open his eyes and Casey would be gone again. And the hell of it was, that he was pretty sure Casey felt exactly the same, so why not make things easier for them both by not leaving, not letting go, not closing his eyes? Except that eventually exhaustion won, and RJ woke up in the chilly light of early dawn - and Casey was still there. Well, that was reassuring, at least.

There were too many feelings swimming around RJ’s mind, enough so that he could almost imagine a cloud of confusion surrounding him, obscuring clear thought and interfering with everything he wanted to do. He knew he’d need to work on them, later, when he had time; to work his way through the anger, the fear, the worry and resentment, the violent fury he felt whenever he looked at Jarrod; to allow the hope and joy settle in, and gratitude to slowly dissipate so he could stop being grateful and start being useful. But that would take time, and he had no time, could take no time, there was too much to do.

There was definitely too much to do. And the problem was, RJ only had the vaguest idea of _what_ there actually was to do, except that there was too much of it, and the helplessness, too familiar after weeks of searching in vain, only increased the confusion and the mix of emotions. 

“You’re pacing.” Quite abruptly, RJ found himself nose to nose with his father’s familiar glower. “Sit, or stand still. Better yet, go meditate, work out, go for a run. Something. You’re scaring our guests and making everybody else twitchy. Enough.” 

For a few breaths, RJ found that his brain had entirely forgotten how to form words to convey meaning. One hand rose to wave the order off, though, to dismiss it as silly and pointless - and was grabbed out of the air and lowered, firm yet gentle.

“I said enough, RJ. If you have all this energy, you might as well make breakfast.” 

Breakfast. Fantastic idea. 

While making breakfast (his orders were for scrambled eggs, bran muffins, fruit and a big pot of white rice for some reason), RJ made a phone call. 

Talking to people who didn’t know what had happened, and couldn’t be expected to understand the verbal shorthand that passed for conversation at Jungle Pizza, helped focus him even more than stirring and mixing did. 

“Lightspeed Compound? Great. Can I speak with Dr. Mitchell please? Tell her it’s kinda urgent. And that it’s RJ.” That should have been enough, and turned out to mean that she’d get his message soonest, as she was away from the compound for the morning. That done, he went back to pacing. 

While everyone except him got scrambled eggs and muffins for breakfast, RJ tried not to look like he was openly staring at Jarrod, who despite waking up looking much better than yesterday, still wouldn’t look any of them in the eye. Jarrod got a bowl of plain white rice, which he looked at with clear confusion, as if he had no idea what to do with food or why it was necessary. He ate it anyway, slowly and wearing a very blank expression, and stopped after maybe half the bowl was gone, pushing it away. Minutes later he shot across the room, almost stumbling over his own feet, and just barely made it to the sink before throwing up. The look he gave the room in general seemed betrayed, hurt - and that made RJ irrationally angry.

“Y-you’re trying to poison me? There are easier ways to kill me.” The second sentence wasn’t even accusing, just resigned. Fortunately for RJ, his father spoke before he had a chance to reply.

“Nobody’s trying to poison you, young man. How long has it been since you’re eaten? Did you eat real food, at all, while Dai Shi had you?” 

Jarrod flinched and went pale, and didn’t answer, but only went back to his bed. It was Camille who answered, as she’d already told them the night before, “Not once that I saw, in all the time he was Dai Shi.” 

“There you have it, then.” Master Finn - it was easier to think of him as a Master than as a father, when he used that tone of voice, which RJ knew he’d one day have to deal with, but not right now - nodded. “Your body’s forgotten how to handle food. You’ll need to get it used to it again, slowly. We’ll start you out with nutrient shakes and hope that your animal spirit helps you out.” 

Jarrod watched him in silence, and RJ couldn’t look at him anymore. He left the main room and , went back to the smaller one where Casey was. Lily was with him, and she looked up from her book when he came in.

“Hey RJ. Did I smell breakfast?”

“Yeah - there’s eggs left. I think. Go, eat, I’ll sit with him.” He was planning to sit even if Lily didn’t leave, of course. “Has he woken up at all?”

“Just for a few minutes. I made him drink, like Master Phant said.” Sugar water or Gatorade at first, the Masters all recommended, and plain white rice with broth. “He was happy to see me. And - I was happy to see him awake.”

“Yeah,” RJ dug up a smile for her from somewhere. “I reached out to a former Ranger who’s a doctor. If she can’t come here to see him, she can hopefully at least give us some tips over the phone.” 

“That’s great.” Lily grinned for a moment, but her face clouded quickly, and she touched Casey’s shoulder carefully, “He can barely move, RJ. And every time he does, it looks like it hurts.”

“I know.” And it made him sick, to think what Dai Shi had done to cause this. RJ thought he was doing a pretty good job of not letting his anger show, but Lily still gave him a Look, so maybe he was wrong about that. “But it’s something that can be fixed. Muscles rebuild, you know? And I think the Power’s helping him already. And hopefully Dr. Mitchell can come visit and help us out.” Maybe if he said it enough times, he’d believe it as well. It seemed to help Lily, anyway, which was good. She’d become a good, solid leader while Casey was gone; there’d initially been a bit of doubt, but RJ had been adamant about his unwillingness to lead the team, and Lily had stepped up admirably. 

He thought about that again, after Lily went off to see if there really were eggs left: the fact that they’d wanted him to lead, and how wrong he thought they’d been, to want him. It was his fault Casey’d been taken like that, they all knew it, even if they were nice enough not to throw it in his face. He’d told them not to go help Casey, citing some destiny nonsense - was that his destiny, then, to be a prisoner, and suffer whatever consequences came? If RJ hadn’t stopped them, they might’ve stepped in in time to save him. Instead, they’d waited until the cameras suddenly went dark, and by the time they reached Dai Shi’s citadel, it had been too late. The Beast Generals had been waiting for them, and in the wake of that fight all they’d found of Casey was his shattered morpher. And it had all been RJ’s fault. He should’ve known, should have helped, but no, he had to try to sound wise and knowledgeable, instead. Some mentor he’d turned out to be - how could they have trusted him enough to lead them, after something like that?

“I’ll make it up to you, buddy. I promise,” he whispered to Casey, who looked surprisingly peaceful in sleep, even with his gaunt face and the deep shadows under his eyes. RJ sighed and pulled himself away from self pity forcefully. “Maybe I do need to meditate.” But he knew he was too jittery to even try. Not yet. 

“RJ?” Lily appeared in the doorway, holding a plate of food, “Dr. Mitchell’s on the phone for you.” 

“Great.” Reenergized, he motioned for her to take his place, and bounced outside to take the phone. 

“Dr. Mitchell?”

“Call me Dana, please.” He could hear her smiling over the phone. “I’m going to guess you’ve found your missing friend?”

This gave RJ pause. “How did you even know we lost our - friend?” he asked, mindful of the fact that this was an unsecured line. 

She chuckled, “The twilight barking chain works, you know. You told Cam, who told Shane, who told Kelsey, and so on. Everybody who’s within reach knows. Besides, there was buzzing..” 

“Yeah.” He did know; the Grid had probably gotten echoes and some backlash from the negativity they’d all been feeling. Most former Rangers kept at least half an eye on what was going on with the current team, just in case backup was needed. Thus far, between the Spirit Masters and the Old Masters, their team hadn’t needed help from outside. Now, they did. “Yeah - we found him. And - we need a doctor.” 

“I see.” The lightness left her voice. “How bad?”

He had to pause and swallow before replying, “Bad - not life threatening bad, I don’t think, but not something we can take care of the usual way. At the very least, we need advice.” 

“Gotcha. He’s connected again?”

“Yeah. We think it’s helping.”

“It most likely is, but you don’t want him to draw on that too deeply. That could cause damage beyond the physical that would take years to undo.” She paused, and RJ heard rustling, as if she was looking at papers. “I think… I can be there this evening, would that be okay?”

“That’d be amazing.” Relief swept through RJ, making the world a little brighter. “This evening is great. That you so much, Dr. - Dana, I mean. Thanks.”

“I haven’t helped you yet.” She still sounded serious, but the words held no warning or threat. “But you’re very welcome. Text me the exact address?”

“I will. And thanks again.” RJ hung up and rejoined the others, waving Lily over to join them as well. If she left the door open, they could all see both Casey and Jarrod from the main room now. “Dr. Mitchell will be here tonight. And she says to call her Dana.” 

“The former Ranger?” Lily asked, and he nodded in reply.

“Lightspeed Rescue Pink. She was pre-med when they started out, and now she’s a doctor, and if anybody’s an expert on Ranger healing and physiology, it’s her. She’ll hopefully have a few tips for us.” Maybe then he’d stop feeling so lost and helpless and _sad_ , when he should be elated. He just had to get through the time until the evening. He could do that.

“RJ, why don’t you go home for a while? You’ve been here since yesterday,” Lily suggested gently. “Dom and Fran and Theo could probably use a hand with the lunch crowd, and we can keep an eye on things here, between us. You’re going a little stir crazy, I think.” 

Was he? Could he leave? He didn’t _want_ to leave, but wasn’t sure what he’d do if he stayed. Pace all day? Make more rice? Plan out elaborate revenge on someone who no longer existed, while trying to avoid the entirely too human face who’d represented the demon for a year? Maybe not being here was the better idea, after all. 

But he didn’t want to leave Casey. 

Indecision must’ve shown on his face, because Lily stroked his arm, and he felt tension he hadn’t known was there drain out of him at her touch. “Go. Clear your head a little. Bring pizza tonight. I’ll text you every hour, okay? It’ll be better than being cooped up in here all day.” She didn’t add ‘until you and your dad explode at each other again’, but her eyes darted towards Master Finn and RJ knew she was thinking it - and that she wasn’t wrong. He took a deep breath and let it out in a huff. 

“Dana’ll probably call about her exact arrival time. I’ll try to be here with pizza ten minutes before then. Text me if anything happens - and I mean _anything_ , Lily.” He held up a warning finger, “Okay?” 

“We will, I promise. Really.” She practically physically shoved him out the door and he let her, knowing that without further prompting he’d stay, just out of indecision. Better to go, make pizza, feed people, think about other things. At least when he was making pizza he didn’t feel quite as helpless and useless. 

In the end, he made pizza for seven hours straight, nibbling on stray bits of crust through the lunch rush, snacking on raw mushrooms and pepperoni, as he usually did while lost in cooking. It wasn’t the healthiest lifestyle, but he made up for it when he wasn’t working, and besides, Ranger metabolism had its advantages. It helped him blank out the choking emotions, at any rate. He even found himself joking with Dom and Theo through the day, for the first time in weeks without the guilty twinge that followed jokes while Casey was gone, because how could they fool around when their team-mate was gone? Even in his head, RJ didn’t call any of them pack-mates, because thinking it could lead to saying it, which would lead to Trouble, but team-mate was acceptable. 

He’d sent Fran home to rest when he’d arrived, and she returned around six to handle the evening crowd. Dom said he’d stay with her, which meant that Theo and RJ could pick up a few things they’d forgotten the previous day, load up five trays of pizza, and return to Master Finn’s just before Dana arrived, as planned. Lily had sent hourly texts, as promised, most of which had said ‘nothing new’. One had said ‘Casey woke up for a few minutes, had a drink and two spoons of rice, and went back to sleep’. He wondered whether sleeping so much was dangerous, or a sign of some deeper problem they didn’t yet know about, or just exhaustion and injury taking their toll. In a day and a half he didn’t think they’d done Casey any further harm, at least, and as he’d told Dana, he didn’t seem in immediate danger of - 

‘Dying’ wasn’t a word he even wanted to think. He’ spent weeks denying the possibility, arguing and fighting and lashing out over it, and he honestly didn’t think he’d be able to handle it, if anything happened to Casey now that they had him back and he was safe. But it wouldn’t. None of them would let anything happen, that was RJ’s firm belief and he’d stick to it. 

They were quiet on the way to his dad’s house. Of all the other Rangers, Theo was best at not pushing and not pressuring him to talk about things, which meant that RJ had taken to spending more time with him, when Lily and Dom got to be too much. It had benefited them both, since Theo could discuss lore and philosophy for hours, and nobody wanted to discuss it with him except Master Swoop and RJ - and in turn, talking in theoreticals meant that RJ wasn’t obsessing, worried or depressed, most of the time. Their silence was a comfortable one, until they parked, and Theo suddenly seemed tenser. 

“What is it?” A failure he might be, but RJ was still a mentor and Theo was one of _his_ Rangers. 

“Nothing,” Theo hedged, even in the face of the Look RJ gave him. “Really, nothing. Just -”

“Yeah.” They were all worried, all helpless, and RJ knew that Theo hated feeling helpless as much as any of them did, if not more. “You and me both, buddy. I really hope Dana can help us out, there. At least we’ll know what we need to do, to help.” There was no need to pretend he wasn’t frazzled and as worried as any of them; over the past weeks the Rangers had seen RJ at his lowest, and he owed Theo that same honesty even now, when he could choose to disguise it. The fact that they all felt the same at least meant that nobody’d be ashamed of being afraid and uncertain - he hoped, anyway. “Just hang in there, okay? At least we’re all together again, and Dai Shi’s gone.” 

“Yeah.” Theo nodded, looking a little more sure of himself, and RJ let himself enjoy that for a moment, as they headed in. 

Jarrod was awake; RJ didn’t bother to look too closely, but there was movement in his room and the crackle of papers - maybe he was reading. Not something RJ wanted to concern himself with right now. It didn’t look like Casey was awake, however, and Masters Swoop and Phant were nowhere to be seen. RJ shot a questioning look at Lily, who shrugged.

“They have homes to go back to, you know. They said they’ll be back in the morning.” She sniffed the air and her face lit up when she saw the pizza boxes, “Oh good, dinner. I tried to cook earlier, it… didn’t really work out.”

“You should’ve let my dad cook, he’s not terrible at it.” RJ guessed that it was his dad’s turn to sit with Casey, and didn’t bother to ask where he was. They set out the pizza for everybody, and Lily took two plates over for Camille and Jarrod, and returned with one of them, looking embarrassed. 

“Forgot Jarrod probably shouldn’t be eating pizza yet. He can barely handle soup and rice right now.” Her expression was sympathetic, and RJ marvelled at her ability to feel bad for someone she’d only known as a bully and a monster. He wished he could be that forgiving.

They were halfway through eating when they heard a car pull up outside, and RJ was at the door even before Dana knocked - and it had to be Dana, because they weren’t expecting anybody else who’d knock, and besides, the pink hairband was a clear indication of a former Pink Ranger. She wasn’t wearing anything else pink, but jeans and a red and white striped shirt, and carrying a large backpack with the Lightspeed Rescue emblem on it. She smiled when he opened the door. 

“Hello, you must be RJ.”

“Guilty as charged.” He smiled back and moved away to let her in, shaking her hand and drawing her into the room in the same motion. “And you’re Dr. Dana Mitchell, Rescue Pink.” 

“I told you, call me Dana. I haven’t been the Pink Ranger in a while, and I’m only Dr. Mitchell at work.” She took in the room, clearly matching faces to names she’d heard, and he could see her making mental notes about all of them. Lily came forward first.

“Hi, I’m Lily. Yellow,” she added as an afterthought. She was clearly curious about this woman, the first Ranger she’d met outside her own team. Theo, too, looked curious but hung back, and RJ guessed he didn’t want to overwhelm their visitor with questions in her first five minutes with them. “It’s so nice of you to’ve come all the way here, we really appreciate it. Want some pizza? We have plenty of it left.” 

“I’d love some,” Dana nodded. “And then I’d like to have a look at - Casey, right?”

“Yeah. He’s asleep. I think. That’s pretty much all he’s been doing since we found him, sleeping.” Lily’s face clouded with worry. “Is that - normal? I mean - he can barely stay awake for ten minutes at a time.” 

“From what I hear, he’s been through a lot, and he’s fairly weak.” Dana didn’t look worried, and she had something about her that drained the tension right out of the room, and put them all at ease with her. “I think it’s entirely normal, but I’ll need to examine him and hear more about exactly what happened to him to tell you more,” she finished, apologetic. 

“After you’ve eaten.” Thinking about that made RJ lose what appetite he had left, but that was no reason for them to neglect their guest. He put some pizza out for Dana, then stopped with the plate held out halfway to her when Camille poked her head out into the main room, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“Who’s she? She’s not part of your team.”

“Camille, this is Dana Mitchell. She’s a doctor and she came to see if she can help us with Casey,” Lily answered before RJ had a chance to, which was all for the better actually. “She’s a friend, alright?”

“Ah.” Camille nodded, seemed to gather her nerve and then asked, “Can she - can _you_ ” she addressed the question to Dana herself, “look at Jarrod as well?”

“Jarrod?” Dana raised an eyebrow.

“Long story.” RJ sighed. “But he could probably use some medical help as well. I’ll explain after you’ve eaten, or you won’t want to eat anymore.”

“Oh-kay…” Looking mystified, Dana ate anyway, and RJ reminded herself that she was a doctor and probably used to eating where and whenever she had the chance, no matter what was crashing in the background. She wasn’t that much older than him, maybe a year or two, and he could see a wedding band on her finger - she’d married her team’s Red, he recalled vaguely. He was less up to date on the older teams; he’d read the files Cam sent him, but that was pretty much it. Still, the Lightspeed team had been a public one, and some of them - Dana included - still worked for the research and rescue center and made the occasional media appearance, so he could’ve gotten updates, but never bothered to. He guessed it didn’t matter much, anyway. 

“Wait, your morphers are _sunglasses_?” the conversation had progressed while RJ was lost in thought, it seemed, and Dana had finished her pizza and moved on to inspecting Lily’s morpher, “I wish ours were as neat. These are really nice. We just had big and too-noticeable bracelets.” She wasn’t wearing hers anymore, her team had been deactivated for years, after all. 

“RJ designed them.” Lily motioned towards him with a smile.

“You did?” 

RJ felt himself blush a little, “Not alone. I had help from a few others with the technology, but the design’s mine, yes.” And he’d taken so much crap over it from both Cam and Hayley, that he didn’t even want to discuss it anymore. 

“It’s amazing. You’re so lucky.”

“We know,” Lily agreed. “You’ll tell us all about your team, later? I bet you have some great stories.”

“I don’t know that I’d call them great, exactly… all the good stuff was on the news, anyway.” Dana shrugged, then winced, “You were all too young to watch the news then, weren’t you? Now I feel ancient.”

“I wasn’t.” RJ waved a hand in the air. “And you’re hardly ancient. They’re babies, that’s the problem.” 

“At least none of them are twelve, this time. I don’t know what the Power was thinking of, back then.” 

“No idea, to be honest, but it worked out alright for them in any case.” Theo and Lily were starting to look a bit glazed, and as much as RJ was enjoying just chatting, they had had a purpose in dragging Dana all the way up to Ocean Bluff. “If we’re all finished…?”

“Yes.” Dana stood up and reached for her bag. “I’ll just go wash my hands quickly.” She matched actions to words and disappeared towards the kitchen, and RJ and the others went to see if Casey was awake. 

He wasn’t, and Master Finn said that he hadn’t woken up since early afternoon, so RJ didn’t feel too bad about waking him up for this. He shook his shoulder carefully. 

“Casey? Come on, buddy, we’ve got company.” 

“Company?” Casey’s eyes shot open and he tensed, trying to push himself up and groaning when he found out he couldn’t. “Attack?”

“No, not that kind of company.” RJ could kick himself for the stupid choice of words. “A friend, a guest - a doctor.”

“Oh.” Casey lost some of the tension, but then regained it. “How do we explain all this to a doctor?”

“Fortunately, you don’t have to.” Dana came in behind them, and he started, drawing back a little into the pillow. “I’m Dana, I used to be a Power Ranger as well. And now I’m a doctor, lucky for you.” 

He frowned, looking at her carefully, and finally smiled a little, “Lightspeed Rescue. I saw you on TV when I was a kid.” 

“That’s the one.” She nodded, “Would it be alright if I examined you? And if you told me about what happened to you?”

“Oh.” Casey subsided and looked uncertain, but glanced at the rest of the team and made a visible effort to brace himself. “I guess?”

“Everybody else will leave the room.” It was a promise, but also an instruction, and Lily, Theo and Master Finn moved to obey. RJ lingered, and Dana seemed to note the look he and Casey exchanged. “Would you like RJ to stay? I might need a hand with moving you. But only if you want, and if anything makes you uncomfortable, he’ll leave, right, RJ?”

“Sure,” RJ said, and wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t lying, but it was the expected reply. He wasn’t sure he could leave Casey alone with a stranger, even a fellow Ranger, without freaking out.

Ranger-stranger, that rhymed, and he played it over in his head a few times while Casey apparently thought about it. Finally, he nodded. “RJ can stay. But -” he looked at RJ and spoke to him directly, “I might want you to leave. Later.” 

He didn’t want to think about reasons Casey might want to keep things from him, because the most likely answer was probably nothing even close to what he thought, and could have been (most likely was) nothing more than a guy wanting privacy with his doctor, like most people naturally wanted, because society made them like that. It almost definitely had nothing to do with anything specific, which was why RJ tried not to speculate. He knew he’d just drive himself crazy trying, so he gave it up. “Okay then. Let me know and I’ll go, no questions asked.” He locked the door, just in case, grateful that his dad’s place had doors that locked, unlike the loft. “Doc, he’s all yours.”

“Help me sit him up,” Dana asked, and together they maneuvered the bed so Casey was propped up. He tried to help, but his control over any kind of muscles seemed a little shaky, and the attempt mostly frustrated him. Then RJ took a step back and let Dana do her exam. He tried not to stare, out of respect for Casey’s privacy, or what was left of it, but frankly there was nothing there that he hadn’t seen several times, and he didn’t think Casey minded much. 

“So, Casey, can you tell me what happened? I don’t need a day by day description. Things that a doctor would need to know.” Dana’s voice was gentle, and RJ closed his eyes and focused on not reacting to anything Casey might say. There was a long, tense moment before Casey spoke. 

“I - I think most of my injuries right now are from the last fight. My ribs, and my shoulder, my head - that’s all the last fight. Before that… he could’ve killed me, but he didn’t want to.” He sounded neutral, his voice flat, like he was listing groceries. “He kept me - chained. On my hands and knees, I mean. I could crawl, and lie down if I curled up, and kneel, I guess.” 

“Metal cuffs?” RJ heard fabric moving, and guessed that Dana was looking at Casey’s ankles, at his knees where the skin had rubbed raw over and over again. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, and tried not to let anger overwhelm him. 

“Yes. And metal bars connecting my hands to my ankles. The cave was big enough that he could stand and walk around, but - well, I couldn’t.”

“I see. And I’m going to hazard a guess that he didn’t feed you enough.” 

RJ still wasn’t looking at them, but he could almost sense Casey shaking his head. “He- ” There was a long, shaky inhalation but Casey’s voice was steady enough when he continued, “He took my tiger spirit away, and then pretended that I was a tiger. Raw meat, fish, sometimes. I couldn’t - I threw most of it back up again, most of the time. I lost track of time, but I don’t think it was every day. Camille gave me energy bars for a few days, maybe - RJ, how long was I even gone? I forgot to ask Lily.” A laugh that might not be a laugh at all followed the question, and RJ jolted his mind back into some kind of action. 

“Seven weeks and two days.” He could have given the hours and the minutes as well, but thought that might be excessive. He opened his eyes, just to see what Casey thought of that, and in a perverse way found his surprise amusing.

“That’s… not that long, really? I wasn’t sure. Sometimes it seemed like forever, sometimes I thought it was just days. I knew I was off the Grid…” he trailed off, looking down, until Dana touched his arm again, and he jerked away, hard, then shot her a look filled with guilt before the blankness returned. Dana didn’t comment and continued with her questions. 

“Alright, so food was an issue - you had enough water?”

“There was a pool,” he nodded. “That was never a problem.” 

“Good. How’ve you been about eating since you came back?”

Casey hesitated, eyes turning to RJ, who tilted his head in question and replied, when Casey nodded his assent. “Sugar water, gatorade, clear soup and plain rice, that’s what Master Phant recommended, and he has the most medical experience of all of us. And whatever liquid vitamin supplements we could get, like C and K and E, in the water.”

“And how did you handle the rice?” She directed the question to Casey, who shrugged and then winced at the motion.

“Not that great.” 

“Take your time with it. Very small portions until your stomach gets used to food again. Chicken broth - made from actual chicken, please.” Dana looked at RJ, who nodded. “White rice for a few days, and then you can see about something a little more interesting. You need calcium and probably a whole array of other things I can’t be sure of without full blood work.” She made a few notes on a small electronic notepad. “You have some catching up to do, weight-wise, but once you get used to eating normally again - which will take a while, even with Ranger advantages - you’ll return to normal in time. Do not rush this.” She stressed the words and added a finger for emphasis. “You’ll do yourself more harm than good if you go too fast. Now…” RJ closed his eyes again as she tested Casey’s range and ease of motion, with results he could tell Casey found disappointing and frustrating even without looking. By the time she was done and RJ opened his eyes again, Casey was white with pain and looked exhausted. 

“I think that’s enough for now.” Dana noticed it as well, and patted Casey’s shoulder as she drew the cover over him again. “Rest for a while, and listen, and try to stay with me, alright?”

“Uh huh.” He tilted his head down slightly. His eyes were open, though, and worried, focused on Dana.

“Almost two months of not moving much and being tied up in a restrictive position like that have done a fair deal of damage. I can’t give you specifics without X rays and other tests I could only run at a hospital, but you’ll need to rebuild muscles, and that’ll take time, patience and hard work. Essentially, you’ll need physiotherapy, and a lot of it, before you’re back in fighting shape, even with Ranger resilience and healing. Supernatural healing can’t do all the work here, you’ll need to help it along. The good news is that, since you _do_ have the Ranger boosters, it’ll probably only take a couple of months rather than - well, many, many months, in a normal human. And you have a much higher chance of returning to the way you were before. But just like with food, you can’t rush yourself, and you shouldn’t push too far, too soon. You’ll only hurt yourself and set back your healing process. With me so far?” 

“Yes.” Casey was looking more awake and alert, but deeply unhappy. ”Right now - you saw, I can barely lift my arm.” 

“I saw.” Dana nodded. “But you’ve been back what? Two days? Give yourself time to recover, kiddo. It’ll be at least a week before you can get out of this bed for more than a few minutes.” She turned to RJ again, “Is there anywhere you can borrow a wheelchair for a week or two? If he’s anything like Carter or any other Red I’ve met, he’ll start going stir crazy about five minutes after he stops sleeping 20 hours a day, which should be in a day or two. If you stay mobile, you’ll feel better, I’m guessing. Also, spend as much time as you like and can tolerate outside, the sun will do you good.”

Casey’s eyes lit up a little at that, “I’ve - missed the outside. I’d like that, sitting in the sun.” He admitted, and RJ felt like another layer’d been sanded off his heart, leaving it even more raw with anger and guilt. 

“Good. Also on the good news side, d’you like ice cream?”

“Who doesn’t?” He smiled, and RJ comforted himself with the thought that whatever had happened, Casey hadn’t lost his sense of humor and pleasure in life, which counted for a lot, especially if he was looking at a long recovery process. 

“Good. You’ve heard of Ensure?”

“Um…” He looked doubtful. “It’s for old people?”

“And for people recovering from illness or starvation, who can’t handle solids. They’ll help you get some of the extra nutrients you’re missing. And while I hear they’re not the tastiest things on their own, the chocolate flavored kind, added to ice cream, makes a mean milkshake. As soon as you’re up to handling dairy, anyway - which might take a few days. Try things out, carefully, see what works for you, and don’t worry if you throw up at first. You’ll start with the simplest stuff and work your way up to a normal diet in time.”

“No rushing.” Casey nodded, to show he’d been listening. 

“Exactly. Definitely not with food,” she confirmed. “Now, the real problem. Let’s look at your hands. Can you tell me what happened?”

Casey hesitated, eyes going to RJ and returning to Dana. He swallowed visibly, and opened his mouth twice without saying anything. Finally RJ forced himself to say something.

“Is this where you want me to leave?” 

“I… don’t know,” Casey thought about it for the space of a few heartbeats. “I want you to stay, but I saw you, before - it’ll make you angry.”

“I’ll deal with my own anger, Case.” It wasn’t something Casey needed to worry about, anyway. “I’ve managed it so far, haven’t I? I’d - I’d rather you didn’t keep things from me just to spare my feelings. Honesty, right?”

There was something going on behind Casey’s eyes that RJ didn’t understand, couldn’t decipher, and didn’t like, but after a few more moments he nodded.

“Right.” He breathed in slowly and let it out, slower. His hands were above the covers, and Dana started to unwind the bandages that RJ and Dom had wrapped them in, the first day. “A few times, I sort of - made him angry. I bit him.” He didn’t sound at all proud of that, which RJ filed away to be handled later. “When I made him angry, he stomped on my hands. They were on the floor, and he was in his full armor most of the time, so…”

“This happened more than once?” Dana was definitely trying to be careful and gentle, and still Casey hissed with pain when she touched his hands, pressing here and there. 

“Yeah. First time, I healed - fast. I think I was still holding on to bits of the Power, it was before the first time he fed me, so right after - that.” He explained, and RJ grit his teeth and forced his face into polite, non-violent interest and sympathy. “Second time, it was - a few days later? I guess. Still healed, just not as fast. Not as neat, either. Third time…” Again, a shrug and a wince, “He got both hands. The first two times, it was only one, so I could still move around on the other hand. The third time, I healed like a normal human - which means I didn’t, I think.” He bit his lip and gave RJ an apologetic look, then motioned for Dana to come closer and whispered a few short sentences in her ear. RJ tried not to eavesdrop, but a wolf’s hearing is sharp, and he heard some of it - enough to know that it had to do with nightmares and walls and further damage. “I don’t think the third time healed right,” he concluded, louder. “I can’t really close the hand. And it hurts.”

“I can see that. Without an X Ray, I only have educated guesswork, but I think your assessment isn’t far off-base.” Dana replaced his hands flat on the covers. “You have several fingers that were broken and didn’t align properly before they started healing, and I’m not sure there’s anything normal medicine can do for the broken bones in your hands, here -” she indicated two places on his right palm and another two or three spots on his left, “without surgery. Once they’re properly aligned, Ranger healing should take care of them inside a week or so, but aligning them won’t be easy. You’d be better off with an expert surgeon, a specialist even. If the bones fuse wrong, you might be left with… some limitations.”

“Permanently?” Casey’s eyes were very wide, his face still very pale, and he looked down at his hands - RJ saw them twitch, as if he tried to move his fingers and found that he couldn’t. 

“It’s possible,” Dana answered seriously. “However, we have a few other avenues we can explore, less… conventional.” She took half a step back and angled herself so she could look at both Casey and RJ. “The elemental masters of the Wind Ninja Academy practice several types of healing, both of water and of earth. Does the Pai Zhu tradition have healing magic? I haven’t had a chance to explore it yet.”

Casey frowned and glanced at RJ, who frowned as well. “Possibly one of the Old Masters knows something of healing. It’s not something we usually practice, since we’re less reclusive than the Ninjas - we don’t dismiss modern medicine as un-traditional and therefore bad, you know?” RJ only really knew the Wind Ninjas through Cam, which meant he wasn’t their biggest fan. “We may have a healing tradition, but I don’t know it. I can ask my dad, he’s the most traditional of the group.”

“Could you go and ask? Having the answers right now would speed things up.”

RJ had a feeling that Dana was trying to get him out of the room, and as much as he wanted to know why, he knew she was right about the usefulness of having all the information on hand. He nodded quickly and left the room.

The main room was brighter than he’d expected and oddly quiet. Lily and Theo seemed to be outside, and RJ could hear quiet conversation drifting in through the open window. His father was in the kitchen, washing dishes. He turned to look when RJ came in, and raised one hand in greeting. “So, what did the former Pink Ranger say?”

“That we shouldn’t be planning to make Casey climb any mountains for a while.” The glib reply came too easily, and RJ waved one hand, dismissing his own words, “She says that everything, from food to rebuilding muscles, is going to take time and work and patience. It’ll be a long recovery process, even with the Power helping out.” 

Master Finn nodded and picked up the plate he’d been soaping. “Nobody expected otherwise, I think. Although Rangers aren’t really used to needing rehab.”

“No, we aren’t.” Being morphed usually took care of injuries that would put a normal human in the hospital for weeks, and even outside of morph, Rangers healed _fast_ and efficiently, without the need for outside help like physiotherapy, most of the time. “We’ll have to learn to deal with it, I guess. She did ask - and I figure if anybody knows, it’s you -” A little flattery never hurt anybody - “Do any of the Masters practice healing magic? I’ve never learned it, and I know none of the others have either.”

His father stopped with a sponge in mid-motion, and frowned in thought. “The path of the Shark doesn’t teach healing,” he started, “But it’s possible that Master Phant might be able to help. It’s a very old tradition, and one that has fallen out of use when hospitals became more reliable. Maybe one of the Spirit Masters - they’d have a better idea about it that all of us.”

“Alright, so we’ll ask them.” Which… was something RJ didn’t actually know how to do yet. The Spirit Masters had helped them on several fights over the past weeks, but it was always of the Old Masters who called them to help, or Master Mau just magically appeared, with them in tow. RJ couldn’t count on a magic visit just now, though, so he’d need to be direct - and his dad was about as forthcoming as ever. “Uh… Dad, could you ask them?”

“What? Oh. Yes, of course. As soon as I’m done with the dishes?” 

“I’ll let Dana know. She needs all the info we have - and if anybody has healing magic, it’ll save us having to explain things to a doctor, which could get tricky.” 

“Indeed.” Master Finn gave him a quizzical look, “That bad?”

“His hands,” RJ explained shortly, and his dad nodded.

“I know it’s his hands. I was asking about you, you look like shit.”

“Gee, thanks dad.” He’d had little or no sleep in days, and almost two months of fighting and worrying, worrying and fighting, and knew his dad was probably right, but him being right didn’t mean he had to come right out and _say_ it. “I’m okay. It’s not easy to hear, but I don’t want him to feel ashamed of any of it, and I’m sure it was much, much harder to live through. Which isn’t making me any happier. He’s actually trying to make it easier for _me_ to handle.” Which was downright insane and only made marginal sense because it was Casey they were talking about, and Casey was, by definition, insane like that. 

“That doesn’t even surprise me.” Master Finn looked fondly exasperated. “I might need to gently slap some sense into him at some point.”

“I think he’s had enough slapping, dad. Leave him alone.” RJ hesitated a moment before admitting, “There are things he’s not telling me. That worries me.”

“Everything worries you, these days. I almost miss the time when you were too calm about things.” That, RJ didn’t believe at all. Master Finn grew serious, “RJ, you shouldn’t smother him with too much care. He’s had a rough few weeks, and he may need to regain a sense of his own abilities and independence, especially if he’s looking at a long recovery process. There are things he won’t tell you, and things that will stay between the boy and his doctor, and you’ve no right to demand full honesty from him until he chooses to give it. And if you do, _he_ won’t be the one I’ll slap sense into. Clear?”

That he knew this was right didn’t make it any easier for RJ to swallow, but he nodded. “Yeah. I know. I’ll - try? Best I can promise right now.” 

“Best I can expect from you, probably.” Several soap bubbles were blown in his direction. “Let me finish here so I can see about contacting the others.” 

“Yeah. Thanks, Dad.” He meant it for more than just playing spiritual conduit, and knew it was received as intended. Perversely, after the hellish weeks they’d had, RJ thought he and his father were probably closer and more functional than ever, in their own screwed up way. He swept his gaze around the room, resting briefly on the open door to Jarrod’s room - was there nobody but Camille with him? That wasn’t good, they still needed to be guarded. He made a mental note to take care of it later, and went on to Casey’s room. 

When he knocked, it took Dana a moment to open, and when he came in Casey looked even worse than before, ashen and exhausted, but somehow less tense. RJ focused on Dana then, giving her a searching look. She seemed - disturbed, maybe. Outwardly as calm and collected as before, but there was unrest beneath her professional demeanor. “Everything alright over here?”

“As well as can be,” Dana replied, and Casey nodded his agreement, slowly. “Any new insights?”

“Dad’s going to contact the Spirit Masters and ask. He can’t heal, and doesn’t think any of the other Masters can, but the old ones, the ones who’ve come before, maybe they can help.” 

“Good. If not, you can always ask one of the ninjas to help, if you don’t want to explain everything to a doctor who does need more of an explanation than ‘captured by a demon’.” She turned back to Casey, and put a hand on his arm; he twitched and she removed it again. “So, are you clear about food?”

“Yeah.”

“Physiotherapy will need to wait until your hands are better, but I can start you on very gentle, very light exercises for your legs. The Power is already mending the damage to your joints, for which you can be extremely grateful, because that kind of damage does not heal easily, in normal humans. Still, you want to be up to solid food before you start really pushing yourself - which, as I’ve said before, you really shouldn’t do.” She looked around the room, grabbed a chair and sat down, and motioned for RJ to do the same. “Right now, you can morph, and once you do, while you’re morphed, you’ll be able to walk, lift things, even fight, if you have to. Eating won’t be an issue, of course, and your energy levels will be boosted by the Power. You’ll probably still hurt all over, but you’ll be able to function. This does not, in any way, mean that you _should_ morph, outside of emergencies.” 

Casey tilted his head sideways to see her better. “Why not?” 

“Because drawing too much on the Power will set you back in terms of normal healing. And, as best I’ve seen, will screw with your head in unpleasant and potentially permanent ways. Morphing is for fighting, right? To defend the world from whatever is trying to destroy it this week. The more you draw on the Grid for healing, the more you’re locked into the combat mindset, and the harder it is to free yourself from it afterwards. It becomes a real bitch when you want to live a normal life afterwards.” 

“So… I could be stuck?”

“You could be overwhelmed by the strictures of the Grid, and become less your own person and more the Red Ranger. As I said, outside of emergencies I wouldn’t recommend it.” 

“Gotcha.” Casey nodded very carefully. “Is it - okay if I rest for a bit now?” He was only barely staying awake, RJ noted, and he was on his feet and ready to make Dana leave him alone if she didn’t decide to do it of her own volition, but she held up both hands in a placating gesture.

“We’re done here for now. I’m staying the night, and I’ll want another look at you in the morning to see just how fast the Power’s healing you, and to see if we have an answer about the possibility of supernatural healing, but for now, you can rest. Bear in mind that I’ll - never mind,” she finished ruefully, seeing that Casey’s eyes slipped closed as soon as permission was given, and he was no longer listening. She completed the sentence anyway, talking to RJ, “Wake him up in a few hours to drink and eat something. It’s important to keep him hydrated, and if you can get him to drink Ensure, all the better. I’ll make up a list of additives he probably needs, and if he allows me to take some blood in the morning, I’ll run some tests back at the hospital for a clearer picture when I get home.” She stood up. “Now, the other potential patient - you said it was a long story?”

“It is.” He followed her out “But I’ll make it simpler and shorter. Jarrod was an advanced student at the Pai Zhu Academy, tagged to become one of the Guardians. Instead, Master Mau chose Casey, and Jarrod, in a snit, accidentally freed an ancient demon and was possessed by him. We’ve been fighting him ever since.” 

“Wait - tagged as a Guardian? That means he almost became a Ranger?” Dana stopped just outside Casey’s room.

“Exactly. And instead, he spent a year wreaking havoc, killing people, bringing buildings down and sending monsters after us.” RJ sounded harsh to his own ears, and tried to tone himself down; he didn’t want to prejudice Dana against Jarrod, after all. “But Jarrod himself was still in there, somewhere, and then Casey decided to go and bring him out. You’ve just heard how well that turned out for him. I’m still not sure what happened that made Jarrod finally free himself from Dai Shi, but he did, and now he’s here. And according to Casey, he’s probably going to try to harm himself, but he hasn’t yet. Then again, he’s slept almost as much as Casey, since he’s been here.” 

“After being possessed for a year? I’m not surprised, somehow.” And yet, his story had surprised her. “My older brother was raised by demons, more or less. But he was always - himself. Being controlled like that sounds… ” She shuddered, “Poor guy.” 

Oh good, he hadn’t managed to prejudice her after all. The door to Jarrod’s room stood half open, but he still knocked, on principle. Camille opened the door just a bit wider, “Yes?”

“You wanted Dana to have a look at Jarrod.” 

“Yes.” Camille repeated, and made way for them to come in. Jarrod was sitting on his bed, his back against the wall and his legs bent before him, but he straightened and lowered his feet to the floor when they came him. 

“Evening, Jarrod. This is Dr. Dana Mitchell. Okay if she examines you?”

Jarrod’s eyes narrowed with suspicion, “What for?”

“You were possessed by a millennia-old demon for a year, don’t you want to know whether your insides are in order, now he’s gone?” RJ was having a really, really hard time not snapping at the younger man; this sort of attitude was exactly what got him in trouble the first time. Jarrod flinched, which surprised RJ at little and gave him a bit of hope that possibly the bully’d learned at least something while in the demon’s control. 

“Very well.” He barely raised his eyes, just enough to glance at Dana before lowering them again, “You may examine me.”

“Thank you.” Dana turned to RJ, “Could you wait outside, please?” 

He hesitated, because she was a Ranger, yes, but she was probably out of practice and didn’t know Dai Shi or Camille and how dangerous they could be. Should he leave her alone with them? Dana resolved his indecision by pushing him lightly. “Go. I can handle myself, I could probably still knock you on your ass in a fight, and even if you aren’t being unkind in thinking they’re a danger, would they try anything with three active Rangers just outside? I doubt it. Go.” 

RJ went. 

The examination didn’t take long, and he joined Lily and Theo outside while his dad went to his favorite meditation spot in order to contact the Spirit Masters. Maybe ten minutes later, Dana joined them as well. 

“So? Is he going to live?” Again, RJ tried to disguise his emotions, and again it felt like he was failing, because three pairs of eyes gave him different levels of odd looks when he spoke. 

“Physically he’s more or less alright. Needs to gain some weight, and maybe re-learn some fine motor control, but other than that, he’s alright. Camille said he had trouble eating, and in that, I recommend the same thing I did for Casey - slow, small portions, start with light foods and work your way up. Psychologically, though…” She pursed her lips. “Casey’s not wrong, I think, in thinking he might try to hurt himself. And I’m not a psychologist, I’m not sure what to do in this kind of case, other than keep him from harming himself or others, and see if you can help him regain some kind of normalcy. A routine, something to let him feel useful, maybe, as soon as he’s up for it. Physically, he’ll make a full recovery much faster than Casey will. Emotionally and mentally, I’m not so sure. He doesn’t have the Grid to hold him up and give him confidence, so he’ll need help. A lot of it. And if you guys can’t provide this help because of what he did while possessed by Dai Shi, maybe you should think of transferring him someplace else.”

“We won’t send him away,” Lily jumped in with an answer, and she sounded far more sure of herself than RJ felt on the matter, “No matter what he did or what Dai Shi made him do, he’s still Pai Zhu. We take care of our own.” 

Again, there was something guarded about Dana’s expression that RJ couldn’t figure out, and didn’t like at all, but she didn’t challenge Lily. “Good to hear. I think you’ll all need to be very patient with him. But you can do it, I have complete faith in that. And I’m only a phone call and a few hours by car away.”

“We can be patient.” Lily promised, “And we have all the time in the world, with Dai Shi gone.”

“Yes…” Dana pursed her lips, “About that - are you entirely sure that he’s dead? Because I’m not so sure.”

“Of course he’s dead. We killed him, we saw it. We destroyed him,” Theo answered first, this time, while Lily seemed dumbfounded and RJ tried to kick his brain into producing some kind of response. 

“I’m sure you saw it, but on the way here I checked in with others, who have a better rapport with the Grid than I do, and you all still register as the active team - that means you haven’t completed the task you were activated for, which I understand is Dai Shi. If he were dead, you’d register as inactive by now.” That she sounded so matter of fact about it only made it worse. 

“But - but -” Theo had settled on trying to speak and failing, and Lily closed her mouth with a snap. It was only as he saw the tension coil in her arms and shoulders again that RJ realized how relaxed they’d all become, over the past two days. “We destroyed him.”

“Only the Guardians can destroy Dai Shi.” 

RJ whirled around, ready to defend himself, and froze, feeling like an idiot, when he saw Master Mau’s shimmering form in the air behind them. Dana’s exclamation of surprise would’ve been funny any other day, but now he barely registered it. 

“Master Mau! What do you mean?” Theo seemed less stunned by the sudden arrival than by Dana’s revelation. Master Finn came out of the house to join them as well, following Master Mau. 

“To truly destroy Dai Shi once and for all, the chosen Guardians all need to pool their powers together and reach beyond themselves, deeper into their spirit animals than any Master before them. All your efforts, even with the help of the Old Masters, would not have been enough without Casey’s tiger spirit.” Master Mau didn’t look too worried about all this, while RJ felt his stomach drop to about his knees. Lily seemed to feel the same way, pale under a summer tan. 

“Then - he might attack again? He might try - to recapture Casey? To take over Jarrod again?” she asked anxiously, and RJ was glad she could voice the questions he was too afraid to ask himself. 

“He is weakened, very much so. Your attacks on him, and what Jarrod and Casey did when they freed themselves, injured him almost to the point of death. It will take him some time to regain his strength and try again - long enough, I hope, for Casey to join you in the final fight.”

“Yeah, or it won’t be the _final_ fight.” Theo looked sick. “How long?”

“I do not know. Days, or weeks,” Now Master Mau had turned grave, “Less than months.”

“That’s not long enough for Casey to recover - not days!” Lily looked towards the house; the windows were all open, and RJ had a sudden moment of horror at the thought the both Casey and Jarrod might hear the conversation. Casey was probably asleep, but Jarrod was definitely very much awake - and would be affected by this as much as any of them, possibly more. He turned towards the house as well, but it was silent, to all appearances peaceful. 

“He can fight if he morphs, if there’s no other choice.” Dana didn’t sound happy about the prospect of that happening. She bowed slightly to Master Mau, “I’m going to guess you’re the one who might know about the magical healing available to the Pai Zhu order?”

“I am,” he nodded at her, “Healing is not part of the common traditions of our order, generally; beyond the somewhat faster healing granted by our spirit animals, we rely on so-called ‘mundane’ medicine, as necessary, or learn to deal with limitations as they are imposed on us.” 

RJ thought about Master Swoop, and remembered also years of nursing bruises, sprains, and cuts as he learned the Pai Zhu way, until he had full control of his spirit animal and even afterwards. Until he became a Ranger, getting injured was just a part of life, to be taken in stride as everything else was. He sighed, quietly, and wondered whether they’d need to figure out an explanation to give to a hospital after all, but Master Mau continued. 

“However, in special cases, the healing powers can be accessed, though it is a different path from the one most warriors walk, and calls for different skills. Master Lope is the most experienced in such matters, and he too will require some time to gather his strength for a Healing.” He was still looking mostly at Dana. “In your opinion, will two or three days more exacerbate the damage? Because if so, seek another path of healing.”

Dana shrugged, “I think at this point two or three days more won’t matter. The damage is done, the bones have begun to fuse together. He’s lucky that there was minimal infection, I’m guessing that’s the Power at work. Having a few days to gather his strength before a Healing might actually be helpful. Just make sure he doesn’t use his hands, or he might make things worse, and make the Healing harder.”

“Indeed. Neither the wait nor the Healing will be easy, and he will need a few days afterwards to recover full use of his hands.” Master Mau now looked at all of them in turn. “The Healing will only restore them to a state from which healing is possible, through the Power - realign what is now out of the correct order.”

Dana looked even less happy, “So… you’ll just re-break everything and get it in the right position for the Grid to take over?” 

“Essentially, yes.” 

“Are you _sure_ you don’t want me to call in an Earth ninja?” This question was directed at RJ and Lily, and RJ gathered himself and raised a placating hand. 

“I think - we’ll see if we can handle this one ourselves, first.” The team needed time to collect itself, and bringing in more outsiders right now would upset whatever fragile balance they managed. Dana tilted her head down, not quite nodding.

“Alright. I’ll make up a list of instructions for you, and go over very basic exercises with both Casey and Jarrod in the morning.”

“Great,” Lily beamed, as Master Mau quietly faded from sight without a word. “I’ll drive you to the loft to sleep?”

“That’d be great, thank you.” 

RJ again looked towards the house, where he thought he heard something moving that wasn’t just the wind. He suddenly remembered that Camille was a chameleon, and had gone invisible on them several times in the past, even though actual chameleons had no such ability in nature… could she have been listening in?

A broken cry of denial from inside confirmed his suspicions - he could only assume that Camille had told Jarrod. By the time they all rushed in, the door to Jarrod’s room was shut and locked, and the noise had woken Casey up as well.

It turned out to be a very long night, after that.


	5. 4. Lily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily deals with the fallout, as new facts come to light, Jarrod acts, and everything briefly descends into chaos. Warnings at the the end to avoid spoilers.

Lily was glad that she’d volunteered to take Dana home, even though it was a little cowardly to leave guard duty to the boys. She didn’t even want to imagine what it might be like to explain to Casey that Dai Shi was still alive and could - or rather, _would_ return. Explaining it to Jarrod had probably been even worse - but Lily wasn’t there for any of that, past the initial confusion. She returned with Dom hours later, after closing up Jungle Pizza and settling Dana in at the loft, to find Master Finn’s house uncomfortably quiet. 

Casey had fallen back into a fitful sleep, Theo reported, and Jarrod had locked himself in, forcing RJ and Theo to explain through the closed door everything that Master Mau had told them. They only had Camille’s reassurance that she wouldn’t let Jarrod harm himself, and as much as Lily thought there was the potential for good in Camille, and loyalty and nobility, there was only one of her and Jarrod was pretty big and pretty mean and determined, as Lily remembered him. The rest of the night passed in a fretful silence: RJ patrolled the corridors, his steps wolf-silent, his face set in grim lines; Theo guarded the door to Jarrod’s room, while Master Finn slept and Dom went back to the loft. Lily tried to sleep and found she couldn’t, and settled for watching over Casey.

He had nightmares, that night, which he hadn’t had before. Lily thought this was possibly a good sign, that he was no longer so deeply asleep that he didn’t dream, and that his mind was pushing up memories, but she wouldn’t wish nightmares even on people she disliked, and Casey was a friend. 

The first time he woke up with a cry of fear that turned into a low moan of pain when he moved too fast, Lily tried to catch him - and he nearly fell out of bed scrambling away, was left gasping, half sobbing as she drew away so fast her head was spinning. 

Okay, touching is bad, got it. “Casey?” She kept her voice quiet, for his sake as well as the others, who might be asleep, “Casey - it’s okay, you’re home. You’re safe. Come on, look at me.” 

When he did, his eyes were wide and shadowed, terrified. She held up one hand, close enough for him to reach for but not touching, “Shhh, everything’s okay now.” It wasn’t, but it was a comforting sort of platitude to go with. She waited, just watching him, until his breathing settled, still a little shuddery but steady. “Back with me?”

“Lily?” It took him a few tries to get the word out, and she nodded. He closed his eyes and released a slow breath. “It was dark. Really dark.” 

There was moonlight coming in through the open window. “Do you want me to turn on the light in the bathroom? Or in here?” She made a mental note to get a nightlight or a reading lamp, if dark was a problem. After a long moment, Casey nodded, reluctant. 

“Please? Bathroom.” While she was turned away to take care of that, he added, “it was always dark, over there, except when Dai Shi came.” 

“Oh.” It was the first time he’d told her anything about his captivity directly, and she didn’t know whether to ask questions, or wait for him to volunteer more information. Casey wasn’t really the type to talk about things that bothered him, but this… this was different. She flicked the light on in the bathroom and left the door open to let the light paint the room a brighter twilight. “Better?”

“Yeah. Thanks.” By the time she turned back, he’d rearranged himself back into the position he’d been before, but sweat stood out on his forehead and she could tell the effort had drained him.

“If you’re already awake, do you want something for pain? And you should drink something.” Dana had left a box of over the counter painkillers and said they ought to help, to start with. The Grid hadn’t kicked in with the pain-numbing effect the Rangers usually enjoyed, and Dana theorized that it was because of the nature of Casey’s injures: if he didn’t notice how much he hurt, he might do too much, too fast, and injure himself further. 

Casey grimaced but nodded. “Guess I might as well.” He waited patiently while she popped a straw into a bottle of apple juice (real apples, none of them drank the apple-flavored stuff) and produced two pills to go with it. “Thanks.” He obediently drank half the bottle before dropping back, tired again. 

“Anytime.” She hesitated a moment as she put the bottle away, and decided to take the risk, “Casey, if you want to talk about it -”

“I don’t,” he cut her off, not harshly but decisive, cutting. “Really, really I don’t.”

“Okay. But if you ever do, I’m here, we all are, and we’re all willing to listen. Alright?” He nodded, already half asleep, but she wasn’t particularly hopeful about him talking much anytime soon. He’d told Dana and RJ some of it, and whatever it was, it had made RJ furious, and meant that Casey would have weeks of recovery, maybe. She’d seen enough to draw some of her own conclusions, and heard enough from Camille, but it still wasn’t a clear picture. The little she knew told her that maybe in this case she’d be better off not knowing, but she dismissed that thought as cowardly. Casey was her friend, her team leader, and whatever she needed to know in order to help him make it through this and recover, she’d find out, eventually. But not before Casey was ready to talk about it.

He woke up a few more times during the night, and Lily knew better than to touch him now, but her presence and the light seemed to help calm him, once he finally drew himself out of the nightmares. He refused to talk, not just about the dreams but about anything, and Lily didn’t push him. It was only a few days since he’d returned, and he clearly needed the time. 

In the morning, Lily caught up on some sleep while RJ and Dom sat down with Dana and Casey to discuss physiotherapy exercises. She wanted to be there as well, to learn what they needed to do to help, but was just too tired: none of them had slept much or well since Casey’s disappearance, and trying to keep things going and handle both monsters and hungry clients with one of them missing had taken its toll. Now that he was back and safe, she could finally sleep. Or so she thought, anyway.

Shouting and crashing noises pulled her violently awake, what felt like a very short time after she lay down, and Lily rushed out, morphed without even thinking about it and prepared for attack. When she found the source of the noise, though, there was no enemy. Instead, she found RJ, Casey and Dom, each of them in a different corner of the bathroom - on the floor, in Casey and RJ’s case. RJ was just starting to stand, holding one hand to his head, while Dom looked stunned, and Casey was curled into himself, eyes shut tight, trembling visibly. 

“What’s going on?” She directed the question to Dom, and demorphed as she spoke. He shook his head, as if trying to refocus himself. 

“I’m - not sure. We were trying to help Casey clean up, and then -”

“His tiger spirit _attacked me_.” RJ was on his feet now, and his face was a mixture of pain, shock and confusion. “Just - I tried to help him take off his shirt, and -”

“Oh…” Damnit, she should have warned them. “Crap. Uh, I should have told you - earlier - during the night, I mean - touch seems to be an issue.” She didn’t know how to explain it politely, especially not with Casey right there. She knelt by him, and motioned for the others to step away a bit. “Casey?” He seemed to be lost in whatever was going on in his head, and shook his head when she called his name again. “Casey, you’re at Master Finn’s house. And you look like you’re cold. I’m just…” She looked up, feeling a little lost, and saw that the others looked about as clueless. Great. “Dom, can you get a blanket or something? The floor’s cold.” 

“Sure.” He disappeared. Lily looked at RJ, who shrugged helplessly, guiltily. 

“I have no idea what I did. I just - he’ll probably feel better after a shower?”

“Probably, but - how did he handle Dana touching him, earlier?” Touching Casey right now would be a terrible idea, so she didn’t do that. He didn’t look like he was about to attack anybody again right that minute, at least.

“Okay, I think? He was tense, but he didn’t attack her.” Now RJ sounded a little hurt, and Lily shot him a Look; it wasn’t Casey’s fault, and he definitely shouldn’t take it personally. He looked down, one hand raised in surrender to acknowledge that he was being a bit of an idiot. However, his point was made, and it meant that Casey might react better to a woman touching him; he hadn’t attacked Lily, after all, and he’d been asleep and mid-nightmare at the time. A flight reaction was easier to deal with than a fight reaction, especially when he couldn’t actually run anywhere. Dom came back with a blanket, tossed it at Lily, then backed away and dragged RJ with him. Lily gave him a grateful smile, then turned her full concentration on Casey.

“Case? I’m just going to cover you with a blanket, the floor’s chilly,” she said, trying to radiate calm and safety and _normal_. Casey didn’t twitch when she draped the blanket over him, but after a few breaths he turned over a little, dragging it with him so he was lying on it and rolled up in it as well. Lily breathed a silent sigh of relief, and settled down to wait it out, not crowding him, not saying anything, just being there. 

It was more than ten minutes later when the trembling finally subsided and the tension slowly left Casey’s muscles, and he appeared to sag slightly, exhausted. Lily sat up, studying him as he blinked at her. “Better?”

It took him a moment to figure out a reply to that, “Don’t know.” At least he was honest about it. 

“Okay. Think it’ll be alright if I help you sit up?” Another moment, and then a nod. “I’m going to touch you.” She carefully showed him her hands moving, did everything slowly enough to allow him to move away if he wanted to, but he allowed her to pull him up and help him sit with his back against the wall. “Water?”

“Yeah.” That took less thinking, which she saw as a positive sign. It was sugar water, but he drank it easily enough. “I’m - sorry. That - I don’t even know -”

“Hey, that happens, okay? I’m guessing something happened that you weren’t expecting?” She kept her voice and manner as casual as she could, not wanting to show anything like anger, judgment, even confusion that might reinforce his own negative emotions and thoughts. 

“They were going to help me take a bath, I think? And RJ - he - his hand was here.” He indicated his side, just below the ribs. “It hurt. And - and _he_ used to - “ He shuddered, “It was always so cold. I wasn’t - wearing anything.” His face flushed a little, in anger or shame, she wasn’t sure, but she desperately wanted to hug him, even though it was probably a terrible idea. 

“So RJ did something like Dai Shi used to do?” she prompted, still trying to sound conversational and interested rather than wildly curious, or invasive. Casey nodded. 

“Just - surprised me. I think.” He grimaced, “And we were on our way to the bathroom.” She glanced around, to indicate that they _were_ , in fact, in the bathroom, and he rolled his eyes, “To use the toilet, I meant. And after that we talked about a bath, maybe.”

“Ah. And you still want - either or both?”

“I think so?” Yeah, the flush was definitely embarrassment. “I’ll need a hand - standing.” 

“Yup.” Okay, so it might get a bit awkward, but they’d shared a living space with no doors for a year, and helped each other clean up after combat and training; between that and the occasional injury, any body shyness was long gone. “Ready, or d’you want to rest a bit first?” He looked drained and tired. 

“Better if we do it now. Before I change my mind.” 

“Okay.” She stood, and pulled him up again, carefully. He could more or less stand up, although it clearly hurt, and he braced himself against the wall with one arm as she helped him take the few steps to the toilet. “Alright from here?”

“Yeah. This - I can manage.” 

She didn’t quite believe him - he couldn’t use his hands for much of anything, and whatever he did, it wouldn’t be comfortable, but if he wanted to risk some pain for the sake of retaining that basic level of dignity, she wouldn’t fight with him over it. She turned away, giving him at least the pretense of privacy, and only turned back when it became clear that he needed help getting his clothes back in order. This she did without a word, with swift, practical motions that barely ghosted over his skin, and somehow it passed with only a slight tensing of his arms. 

“So, bath? I’m not sure you’re up to a shower right now.” Lily offered when they were done. She wasn’t even sure he could handle a bath, which would involve nothing more taxing than lying down in water. It would, however, involve a lot of touching. Looked like Casey knew this as well, because he considered the suggestion for several moments before nodding, a little reluctantly. 

“I should.” He looked down, then at her, resigned but clearly not very pleased. “It - I think it’ll be better if you do it?”

“Okay.” If Dai Shi had done anything that made Casey freak out when a man touched him - even _RJ_ , for goodness’ sake - the thought made Lily cold all over, then hot with anger. She didn’t want to think too deeply about what might have happened to make him fear touching. The three of them, Casey, Theo and herself, all liked to touch and be touched; RJ said it was the animal spirits’ effect on them, being large cats, and usually he wasn’t averse to joining their casual hugs or messy group sprawls on the floor to watch a movie, while Dom looked on from the outside, happy for them but less interested in human puppy piles. “I’ll be as careful as I can.”

“I know.” He tried to smile at her, but it came out tired, and a little bitter. “I’ll try to warn you if - if something goes wrong.” He looked away again, “I need to ‘pologize to RJ. I don’t even know - I didn’t tell the tiger spirit to do it.” 

It wasn’t the first time he’d manifested his spirit in self defense without a conscious order, but they’d taught him that kind of control in their first month as Rangers, and it hadn’t happened since. “I guess it’s upset about being separated from you, and extra-protective,” Lily suggested. “When you’re up for it - like, tomorrow or the day after, you should try meditation. Ask RJ to help, you both concentrate better when you’re together, and he knows what it’s like to have his animal spirit taken away and returned. Remember how he was, back then?”

Casey frowned, “Think I’ll become a were-tiger?” And she wasn’t sure whether that was a joke or asked seriously, but chose to take it as a mostly serious question. 

“Probably not? At least, I hope not. Here, sit down while I get the bath ready, okay?” He didn’t look like he could stay on his feet a moment longer, and indeed, when he sat it was more of a controlled fall than anything else. She draped the blanket over his shoulders again, and took it as another positive sign when he clumsily drew it closer to him. Drawing a bath didn’t take very long, and the water didn’t need long to heat, either. While that was going on, she slid plastic bags over Casey’s bandaged hands for protection. She chose to skip adding soap to the water and made sure there was a sponge ready and several towels on a shelf, before she roused Casey again. “Going to need to get the clothes off you - will that be okay?”

“Won’t know ‘til you try.” He looked guilty and frustrated again, “But maybe? If I know you’re doing it and can see.” 

“Alright. I’ll go slow.” He was wearing a simple long sleeved T, and it was easy enough to draw it up and over his head. He was tense, but it didn’t look like he was about to panic again. “One down. Good thing you’re not wearing a three piece suit, huh?” He managed a faint smile in reply. There was definitely a lot more tension when she got him out of his pajama pants, but his eyes were locked on her, and she made an effort to touch him as little as possible; from that into the tub took no time at all. He relaxed as soon as the warm water closed over him. 

“Thanks, Lil.” 

“Anytime.” She stopped her hand half an inch from ruffling his hair and kicked herself mentally for almost freaking him out again, probably. “Just relax there for a bit, okay? Floating is supposed to be soothing.” 

“It - sort of is,” he agreed, and closed his eyes, stretching out a bit. Lily thought she might be imagining it, but he was moving a little more easily in the water, and she made a mental note to consult with Dana and Master Finn about physiotherapy in water. She gave him another few minutes before soaping up a sponge. 

“I’m going to wash you now. Let me know if it gets to be too much, okay?”

“Uh huh.” But despite her worries, he lay in the water fairly calmly, and only shied away from her touch when she reached the parts that probably hurt - over his ribs, across his shoulders where he’d hit the wall, the back of his neck - those, she noted for the future so she’d remember where not to touch. 

“Doing really well so far, Case. Think it’ll be okay if I wash your hair?” 

He considered this, shook his head once, and sank under the water so it covered his head entirely. He resurfaced before she even started being concerned about air, and shook the water away from his face. “This - will have to do. I don’t think I could - he kept grabbing me by the hair.”

“Gotcha.” Damn him. Maybe it was a good thing Dai Shi wasn’t really dead, so they could all have the pleasure of killing him a second time. ”Let’s get you out of there before the water goes cold.” Getting Casey out, dried and dressed passed without incident, but by the end of it he was unsteady with fatigue and obviously in pain from moving (or being moved) so much. ”I think - would it be alright if I just carried you back to bed? It’ll be easier.” 

For a moment he looked like he’d object, but he seemed to think better of it, and nodded without saying anything. He was limp and cumbersome when she slid a hand under his knees and shoulders, the weight less of a problem than the fact that he was taller than her, and felt somehow fragile. He also completely lacked the muscle tone to be of any help while being lifted, but Lily was a Ranger, so she managed well enough. Oddly, Casey seemed a lot more relaxed with full-body contact than with just hands touching him - which meant that possibly hugging him would be acceptable, which was very good news. 

“Oh -” She paused before they left the bathroom, “Wait - bed, or d’you want to rest outside for a while? Dana said you could.” 

“What’s the weather like?”

“If it was raining, someone would’ve complained by now.” 

“Then I’d rather be outside.” 

She had to put him down on his bed for a few minutes, but getting Dom to help her out with setting up a lawn chair in a shady spot outside, away from the wind, didn’t take very long. 

“Where’s RJ?” she asked as they worked, out of Casey’s hearing.

“Gone for a run.” Dom shrugged, “He took it kinda hard. I think he feels guilty, still. I’ll talk to him?”

“Yeah,” Lily sighed. Dom knew RJ better than she did, even after a year of knowing each other, and guys had an easier time talking to other guys about things sometimes. “Let me know if you need help kicking his butt.”

“Pretty sure I’ll manage,” Dom snickered, “But I hope I won’t need to.”

Together, they got Casey outside and settled him in the lawn chair. He turned his face up, closed his eyes and smiled a little. 

“I’ve missed the sun.” Lily wasn’t sure, but thought his eyes were oddly bright - it might’ve just been the light, of course. About five seconds later he was fast asleep, and she motioned for Dom to come inside with her, where they could still keep an eye on Casey while giving him his own space and some quiet.

“He’ll sleep for a while, I think he’s exhausted.” Seeing him so wiped out after so little exercise was disconcerting - Lily was used to Casey being energetic, full of life, and this weak and lackluster version of himself - must be freaking him out a lot more than it’s freaking me out, she reminded herself sternly.

“You don’t look too bright eyed and bushy tailed, yourself. Weren’t you catching up on sleep before all the excitement started?” Dom gave her a searching look, and she nodded, sheepish. “Go pick up where you left off, then, I’ll hold the fort here.”

“In a minute.” She wanted to check on their guests, first. “Has either Jarrod or Camille been out of the room at all?” The door was closed, as it had been since yesterday. 

“Not that I saw. Camille opened the door for food earlier, but that’s pretty much it,” Dom glanced towards the door as well, “I think Jarrod was pretty - hell, I don’t think ‘upset’ begins to cover it, but let’s go with ‘upset’ anyway - when he found out Dai Shi was still out there.”

“Can you blame him? I’d be terrified, in his place.” In fact, she was a little freaked out about it as well, but could only imagine what it might feel like to someone newly freed of possession to find that the creature who’d stolen his life for a year was still alive and might return at any time to reclaim him. 

Lily knocked on the door, still firmly shut. “Jarrod, Camille, can I come in?”

For a few breaths there was silence, and then she could hear footsteps coming closer. “What do you want?”

“To talk to you. It’s just me, okay? I just want to see how you guys are.” She was genuinely concerned, especially given Jarrod’s reaction to the news the previous night. The door opened a crack, and Camille looked out, wary. When she saw it really was just Lily, she opened the door wider to let her in, but closed it again as soon as she’d come through. Lily took the room in - it looked like somebody’d punched a hole in one wall, the window was open, Camille looked as tired as Lily had ever seen her, and she assumed the mound under the covers on the bed was Jarrod. “Asleep?” She nodded towards him, keeping her voice low.

“Maybe. Or ignoring us. He hasn’t said anything since last night, and I can’t get him to eat.” Camille sounded worried, and kept glancing in Jarrod’s direction. “I think he had some water, earlier, but I can’t even be sure of that.” 

“Are you holding up alright, yourself? Do you need anything?” Camille had been injured during the fight with Dai Shi, Lily remembered, but she didn’t look injured now. Possibly demons healed as quickly as Rangers, which made sense, given what she knew of the creatures they’d spent a year fighting. Camille gave her a confused look.

“I don’t need anything. Why do you ask?”

Lily shrugged, “You’re a guest, and you’ve been in a fight as well - and I want to make sure there isn’t anything we’re missing? I mean - you might need - things we wouldn’t think of.” She was sure she was somehow being offensive, but couldn’t think of a more diplomatic way to say it. 

“Oh.” Rather than giving offense, the idea seemed to startle Camille further. “I don’t really need anything. For now.” There was a spark of calculation in her eyes that Lily noticed and made a mental note to watch out for, in the future. “But I’m worried about Jarrod,” Camille made no effort to keep her voice low, and looked over at the bed again. “Think you can get him to eat?”

“I have no idea.” She hadn’t really been close to Jarrod at the Academy; he’d been a bully, and she never liked him much, and now it was pretty awkward to see him like this, after a year of essentially trying to kill him - his body, at least. Lily approached the bed carefully, as if Jarrod might explode if she was careless - which, for all she knew, could be true. “Jarrod? Are you awake?”

He didn’t answer, but even under several blankets he didn’t look like he was relaxed in sleep, so he was either awake, or a very tense sleeper. Lily moved closer and shook his shoulder, not very hard, “Jarrod? Come on, I know you’re not asleep.” If he had been, he probably wasn’t anymore, now. He didn’t turn to face her, though. “Jarrod, please talk to me?”

“Why should I?” It was muffled by the covers, but even so she noticed how raw and hoarse he sounded. “What’s the point?”

“The point is you probably need to eat.” Dom had told her about Jarrod’s problem keeping down solid food, “Or at least drink something. Master Finn made chicken soup.” 

“I don’t want to eat.” He didn’t say he wasn’t hungry. 

“So, what? You’re trying to starve yourself?” He didn’t answer, and Lily frowned, “Jarrod -”

“Shut up. Stop saying my name.” His voice was toneless, but she could feel the anger just beneath the surface. “Stop talking to me. Stop - just - stop.” He still hadn’t turned around to face her, either.

“Stop what? Stop trying to keep you alive? Not gonna happen.” Lily felt irritation rising, and made a conscious decision to show it; maybe he’d handle impatience and annoyance more easily than concern. “You’re still Pai Zhu, Jarrod, you could be again.” Maybe he deserved a few days of hiding away from the world, and if she were honest with herself Lily knew she’d have trouble looking at him without letting her hatred towards Dai Shi color their interactions, but if he was trying to hurt himself… ”I’m under orders not to let you die. We all are.” 

There was silence for a few moments, and for the first time Jarrod sounded involved in the conversation when he asked, “Whose?” 

“Casey’s. He specifically told us not to let you do anything to harm yourself until he was well enough to deal with you personally.” This was a slight expansion of what Casey’d actually said, and probably manipulative as well, but if it kept Jarrod going until Casey was stronger, it was worth it. If Jarrod thought he deserved some kind of retribution for his actions - which Lily could possibly agree with, in a way - then maybe he’d wait for Casey to decide on what was to be done with him. 

No reply came from Jarrod, and the silence stretched into awkwardness until Camille asked, “The Red Ranger - how is he?” She glanced towards the bed again, as if to indicate that while she didn’t care much about Casey’s well being, herself, Jarrod needed to hear it. 

“About as well as can be expected, I guess. He sleeps a lot, but when he’s awake he talks to us, so that’s a good sign? Not doing that great with food, but Dana said that will take time. So will everything else, he just needs time and patience and hard work, and he’ll be back to normal.” Repeating the words Dana said didn’t give her much hope, because there was always the chance that something would go wrong, that something wouldn’t heal, that Casey would have problems for the rest of his life - but she couldn’t let herself think that. He was young and had the Grid helping him out, he’d be okay, eventually. 

A pale, sharp-clawed hand waving in front of her face drew her out of her thoughts sharply and she jumped, “Huh?” 

“You - what is the terms humans use - ‘spaced out on me’?” Camille seemed mostly amused, and Lily’s face heated with embarrassment. 

“Oops. Sorry. It’s - Dana’s visit gave us a lot to think about. But really, Casey’s doing well, considering it’s been all of four days.” She approached the bed again. “Jarrod, I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now, and I’ll be honest, I don’t want to try to imagine it because it probably sucks. But harming yourself won’t help. Eat something. Come out of the room for a bit. The weather’s great.” That last part felt lame, but she didn’t think any of their company would be enough to tempt him outside. “Just… think about it, okay?”

She turned to leave, and Camille walked her to the door. “Thank you for trying.”

“I meant what I said: he’s still one of us, and we take care of our own. Besides, Dom worries about him, and Casey asks how you both are, I wanted to check on him for them.”

Camille snorted, “Your Red Ranger is -”

“Insane, I know.” Lily smiled, sudden and sunny. “You know what, after the past weeks, after whatever it was that happened? I’m just glad he’s still that sort of insane.” There were so many other ways he could’ve snapped under the pressure of being a prisoner, maybe it was good that his pre-existing brand of Red crazy had kept the other threats at bay. 

“He hasn’t told you what happened?” Camille seemed puzzled by this, but then, Lily thought humans in general confused her - or maybe it was just the Rangers. She looked towards the bed, her eyes calculating again. 

“Some, yes, but not all of it, I think. Casey doesn’t really talk a lot about things that bother him, unless we push.” He complained as much as any of them, but the deeper stuff, the insecurities, the things that hurt, he kept close. That he’d been forthcoming about the reasons for his panic earlier had surprised Lily, but maybe he missed having someone to talk to. “By the way, I’m not sure I thanked you - he said you helped him out with food, and you talked to him, you said, when he asked about us - thank you for that. It - it means a lot, Camille, okay?”

Camille shrugged, outwardly unaffected, but Lily suspected she was pleased, “Whatever, Yellow.”

“Lily,” she corrected her, and Camille nodded. 

“Lily. Thank you for checking on us. I’ll try to get him to eat.”

“Good. Shout if you need anything.” Letting Camille shut the door behind her as she left, Lily worried that letting them stay there together wasn’t the best idea - for any of them - but Camille wouldn’t leave Jarrod anyway. Maybe she’d send Dom to sit with them, later, he was closest to Jarrod of all of them. With a sigh, Lily filled Dom in with as few words as possible, and went to find a bed to crash in. 

***

The rest of the day and the night that followed passed quietly, without further incident. Lily caught up on sleep, helped Fran with the evening shift at the pizza parlor, and returned, as she had the night before, to spend the night in Casey’s room. As before, neither one of them got much sleep, as Casey woke up several times. The first two times, he jerked awake quietly, but not quietly enough that Lily didn’t wake up as well, and she didn’t bother trying to sleep again after the second time. Casey wouldn’t look at her, after his breath evened out again from the panicky, shallow gasps of the dream, and he’d already made it clear that touching him was a bad idea, so she simply sat and made a point of not staring at him. He stayed awake for over an hour, just looking at the darkness, and careful side-glances showed Lily that he was fighting to stay awake, forcibly dragging himself awake every time his eyelids started drooping. She wished there was something she could do to help, but every part of his body language screamed that help would not be welcome, so she left him to it, and eventually he lost the fight against fatigue. 

An hour later he again crashed violently out of sleep, this time with a cry or anger and - fear? Maybe fear. Lily was wide awake, and had been wondering whether it would be safer to wake him up for about two minutes before he woke up on his own, but he saved her the attempt and pulled himself up to almost-sitting before falling back again with a snarl. He raised both arms from the mattress, and let them drop down as hard as he could, which wasn’t very hard but enough to make him suck in a breath in pain. It also made Lily jump to her feet, and she grabbed both his wrists in as gentle a grip as she could before she even thought about how he might react. 

“Casey, no! You’re hurting yourself!” She kept her voice down so as not to alert the others, and let go of him as soon as he stopped struggling against her hold - and he immediately took advantage and did the next best thing to slamming his hands down again. “Casey! Stop that right now.” She locked both his wrists down again and this time didn’t let go. “You’re awake, don’t bother pretending you were just doing it in your sleep.” Lily pushed down irritation and softened her tone, “Case, come on, look at me. It was just a nightmare. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay.” She had to lean down to hear him, talking through clenched teeth. “It’s not okay and it won’t be okay and it’s all wrong and -” he was breathing fast and shallow again, and she was sure he’d work himself into hyperventilation if she let him. 

“Crap. Casey, I’m gonna hug you now. Try not to attack me, okay?” She said it very quickly, and while she was pulling him up and close to her, arms going from his wrists to his back, encircling him. He froze, at first; for a moment he didn’t even breathe, and she could feel his racing heart against her, thumping and skipping, while everything else was perfectly still. Then he slumped, his full weight leaning into her, and when he breathed the air stuttered out in a choked gasp. “Shh… it’s a lot more okay than you think. It will be, anyway.” She rubbed his back as his shoulders shook, and he buried his face in her shoulder, making little whining noises that broke her heart. For a while she didn’t say anything more, but made the sort of soothing noises people used with animals and small children, figuring they worked just as well on adults. Finally, she felt him relax again, and shortly after he awkwardly tried to shrug her off. She let him down, only to prop him up with a pillow so he could look at her without straining his neck. “Better?”

“You keep asking that.” He sounded raw and tired, and looked it, too, “It’s not. Not really.”

“Sorry.” She wasn’t even sure what she was apologizing for - his state, or her failure to improve it. He shrugged and grimaced. 

“Not your fault.” He looked down and off to the side, but it looked like he was working up the energy or the nerve to say something more, so Lily waited. “I hate this, Lil,” he finally admitted, looking back at her again, “I thought - I was sure if I got out, that everything would be better, you know? But I’m back and things are - worse, in a way.” 

That surprised her. “Worse how?”

“Back there - I knew why I hurt. I knew what was wrong, you know? There were reasons. Here… I just hurt, all the time. I’m sick of it. I’m back on the Grid, and there’s the Power waiting, just at the tip of my fingers if I want it, but I can’t reach for it.” He stretched on hand out on the covers, mouth twisting in a bitter smile, “I’m not chained anymore, but my own body’s holding me prisoner. All the food I could eat, but I throw it all up. It’s - it’s like my body still thinks I’m back _there_. And my mind…” he chuckled, and the sound of it brought tears to Lily’s eyes and a lump to her throat, “my mind keeps throwing me back there whenever I close my eyes. I fucking hate it.” 

She’s never heard him so bitter and angry. She’d never, in all the time she’d known him, heard him swear, and the shock of it made her giggle, except it turned into a sob mid-giggle and she pressed a hand to her mouth to stifle it. His eyes widened in alarm, the bitterness draining and shifting into concern with distressing ease. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t unload on you like that - I didn’t mean to.” He reached for her only to drop his arm with a grunt. “Damnit.” 

“I’ve never heard you swear before.” It was the easiest thing to fixate on, the amusing and normal, and Lily latched on to it, feeling that they were both teetering on the edge of something and needed to draw back. 

“Desperate times.” The slight change it topic seemed to steady him. “Sometimes, it’s swear or punch something or explode, and I can barely raise my arm, you saw. If I explode.... it might be like it was with RJ, earlier. He said he’s starting me on remedial meditation to get the tiger spirit back under control in the morning.” 

“That’s good. It’ll help you feel better.” Crisis averted for now, Lily changed tacks again, “Casey, you know you can’t expect to go back to normal right away. You’ve been through - a lot. A trauma, okay? And you can’t expect yourself to recover from it in three or four days. Not your body, and definitely not your mind.” She paused, feeling like she was depressing him; she was certainly depressing herself, but maybe he needed to hear this and nobody’d thought to tell him things that seemed obvious to any outsider. “It’s natural and okay to feel angry, frustrated, or scared - who wouldn’t, in this kind of circumstances? And seriously, talking about it helps. All the books say so.” 

“You’ve read books about this?” He raised an eyebrow, but at least he was following her and not lost in some inner torment. She nodded.

“Articles, actually - online. We sort of - I needed a distraction, and something useful to do. Reading up on - trauma survivors and what you might be going through helped me feel less lost, when we were waiting for you to wake up.” 

He nodded, slowly, and even more slowly settled back into the pillow. “Think you could bring a laptop tomorrow? I think - maybe reading those articles might help me feel less lost, too.” 

“Sure.” She carefully reached for his shoulder and squeezed it, and he didn’t flinch away this time. “You’re not lost, Casey. Not anymore. You’re with us, and whatever journey you have to make now, you won’t have to do it alone. Got that?”

“Yes ma’am.” He blinked a few times as sleep snuck up on him again, and Lily watched with a small smile as he nodded off in second. Then she wiped her eyes, and wiped them again, and eventually gave up and just let the tears come, one hand still on Casey’s arm. 

He slept clear through the rest of the night. 

***

The next day, while Lily was taking care of the lunch rush at Jungle Pizza, was the first time Jarrod actively tried to kill himself. 

Lily only heard about it afterwards, when she returned to Master Finn’s house to a tense silence, Casey’s door firmly shut, Jarrod’s wide open, with Dom, looking drawn and stern and nothing at all like his usual self, sitting between the bed and the door. There was nobody else in sight, but the main room looked different somehow, and a closer look showed several things out of place or missing, and the faint smell of bleach. Alarmed, she drew Dom’s attention and he motioned her over.

“I’m not moving from here,” he said, which explained nothing but let her look into Jarrod’s room beyond him. Camille was curled up on her cot, apparently asleep, and Jarrod was -

“Why is he tied to the bed?” It sounded too loud, her sudden spike of worry showing clearly, and Dom made a ‘hush’ motion. Jarrod’s face was pale and drawn even in sleep - or possibly unconsciousness; he was too still for sleep. “What happened, Dom?”

“He grabbed a knife from Theo and tried to kill himself.” Flat and cold, and Dom seemed almost angry about it. “He only managed to slash across one wrist before Camille and Theo jumped him and got it away from him, and it was just a pretty dull steak knife - the cut’s ugly and bled a lot, but it wasn’t deep, he didn’t get any tendons or major vessels.” 

“God, Dom…” Lily honestly had no idea what to say. She looked at Jarrod again and decided that he was definitely unconscious. “You sedated him?”

“Master Finn used some kind of - it looked a lot like a Vulcan nerve pinch, actually,” Dom snorted, but remained serious. “Jarrod was screaming and scratching and his lion spirit tried to join in the fun, but it’s so weak it was barely visible. Manifesting it exhausted him, we just helped him stay down longer. Camille was crazy with worry - and as soon as he was quiet, she was out on her feet - literally. We moved her to the cot and she hasn’t moved since.” Dom indicated Jarrod’s wrist, “Bandaged him up, but we’ll need to figure out what to do with him when he wakes up.”

“Make sure he doesn’t get another chance?” Lily suggested, a little more sharply than she’d intended, and then cut herself off with a sharp gesture. “I’m sorry - sorry. It wasn’t your fault.”

“We should’ve kept a closer eye on him,” Dom replied bitterly, scowling. “Casey warned us, and we were careless. We won’t be again.” 

“Keeping him restrained won’t help him not want to - to -” She had to force the words out, and even then she couldn’t say it out loud - “to do something like that. He needs help, Dom.”

“You think I don’t know that?” He wasn’t angry, Lily realized, but afraid and worried and freaked out, all things she wasn’t used to, from Dom. “I don’t know how to help him. Casey tried, but just looking at him he started freaking out as well. RJ’s with him now, and at least he didn’t attack anybody this time, but I don’t think he’ll be much help with Jarrod yet. What Dai Shi did to him, came with Jarrod’s face attached to it, and I guess he’s not really up for talking to him yet. Can’t blame him, to be honest. But until we figure out how to deal with this, stopping Jarrod from trying again is top priority.”

“Agreed. Want me to stand watch for a bit? You look awful.” They all looked awful, these days, even the Old Masters sometimes. In the face of this unpleasant development, Lily felt like a coffee break was entirely due, for Dom if not for her. He thought about it and shook his head. 

“I think I want to be here when he wakes up. If you can make coffee, though…”

“Mindreader.” She flashed him a quick smile. “I’ll just look in on Casey and RJ and do a coffee run. Where’s Master Finn?”

“Out back communing with the Spirit Masters, I think. Or just training and meditating, we’ve wrecked his schedule entirely, being here all day, every day.” 

“We have, haven’t we? Who knew that taking care of people takes up more time than saving the world.” She was already heading across the main room towards Casey’s room, and could pretend she didn’t hear Dom’s muttered ‘yeah, wait until we have to do both at the same time’. 

Casey was asleep, and RJ got up to join her just outside the door to avoid waking him. “He did some physio, had some broth and rice and some kind of special enriched peanut butter that Master Phant brought. Granted, he had all of a spoonful of everything but the broth, but it’s better than yesterday. Then he heard Jarrod screaming and saw him outside and…” RJ sighed. He too looked pretty awful. “Like yesterday, but without the attacking. He just froze and wouldn’t talk or move for over an hour. He pulled himself out of it, though, and just got to sleep so I don’t want to disturb him.”

“Roger that. Coffee?”

“Would you? That would rock.”

Making coffee kept Lily busy for a while, and after that she did some meditation of her own. They all needed the extra grounding and focus, and between everything over the past days, she’d neglected her training. By early evening, things felt almost normal again. Master Finn came in from the garden, looking pleased. 

“Master Lope will be ready to perform the healing ritual in the morning,” he informed the room in general. “He said Casey should try to get a good night’s sleep, and shouldn’t eat anything beforehand.” 

“Not eating won’t be a problem, sadly.” RJ joined them as well, leaving the door to Casey’s room slightly open to keep an eye on things. 

“Time and patience, son,” Master Finn reminded him, “And how is Jarrod doing?”

“Woke up, but he’s not very responsive,” Dom reported. Camille peeked in behind him, and Lily waved her over. 

“You okay?” 

“Yes. I believe I am,” Camille nodded cautiously, “But it was not a pleasant few minutes, earlier.” She looked back towards Jarrod’s room, where the door had been left open as well, and shook her head. “He’s human now. I’m… less familiar with how humans behave, in these situations.” 

“With this kind of situation, I think we’re as clueless as you are.” It wasn’t fair, Lily thought suddenly; none of it was fair, to Jarrod or Casey or any of them. A distant growling sounded in the back of her mind, and she took a deep breath to calm the animal spirit in her. There were enough of them ready to come apart at the seams or already unravelled, she needed to keep a cool head. “If you want a break, we’ll keep an eye on Jarrod,” she offered, “Two of us together, I think, until we figure out what to do about this.” Possibly Jarrod needed more help than they could give, on their own, but who could help him without asking questions? Explaining suicidal thoughts as a result of demonic possession to a normal doctor would be difficult, to say the least. 

Camille considered Lily’s offer in silence, then nodded once. “I need the rest. But I will stay in the room, and I’m a light sleeper.” She still didn’t trust Jarrod with all of them, Lily thought, and maybe she was right not to. 

“That’s fine. RJ, join me?” Maybe spending time with Jarrod would help RJ lose some of the lingering resentment and dislike he carried around. Of all of them, RJ knew Jarrod the least, having left the Academy when Jarrod was barely more than a cub. He was Dom’s age, so slightly older than Theo and herself, and younger than RJ by a few years, and as far as she knew, RJ had never taught any of his cub classes, having been too busy fighting with Master Finn during his Academy days. Right now, he looked sullen about her request, but nodded; that was one of the best things about RJ, his ability to acknowledge some of his own faults and take steps to overcome them. 

“Yeah. Somebody come replace us around midnight?” 

“We will. I’ll let Theo know he’s on duty with me,” Dom promised. 

“And I’ll call the others in for backup.” Master Finn was already dialing.

Two hours later, Lily and RJ were jittery with tension and inaction in Jarrod’s room. Camille was still napping, and Jarrod was awake, but silent, staring at the ceiling. Lily could almost believe she could feel anger radiating off him, and hatred, but didn’t know whether the hatred was directed at them or inwardly, at himself. She thought possibly it could be both. A rustle from the bed drew her attention to it, and she sat up, fully alert. Jarrod had turned his head to face them, for the first time since they’d come in, gracing them with an ugly glower. 

“Let me up.”

“I don’t think we can,” Lily replied, standing up and approaching him carefully. “Not if you’ll try to hurt yourself again.”

“You’ll have a mess on your hands pretty soon, if you don’t.” He looked down at himself significantly, and Lily winced, knowing she was blushing and hating herself for it a little. 

“Oh.” She thought for a moment and exchanged looks with RJ - both of them weren’t happy with this, but they could just let him stay there, could they? “Okay then. RJ, go make sure the bathroom’s safe.” They’d be keeping an eye on him, but she didn’t want to risk him grabbing a razor or anything else he could use to hurt himself. The mirror was probably enough of a risk, even if they made him leave the door open, which she hated to do, but the physical liberties she felt comfortable taking with Casey would be awkward with Jarrod, to say the least. RJ made a quick round of the bathroom, and together they let Jarrod sit up, and then stand. ”Go and take care of things - but don’t try anything, okay? We’re both right here watching.” 

“You might give me performance anxiety.” His tone was too light, too flippant, something she’d never heard from Jarrod before, which immediately set her even further on edge. 

“Or maybe I’ll just go with you.” RJ slid past her without waiting for permission from either of them, and followed Jarrod, his expression stormy. Lily wondered, given the past few weeks, how she ever could’ve thought that RJ was an easy going, laid back guy - or rather, he _was_ , but not when any of his pack was threatened. Jarrod shrugged, with his back to both of them, and Lily settled down to wait. It didn’t take them very long, and once they returned she motioned for Jarrod to get back on the bed. 

“Don’t lie down yet, I want to check your hand,” she said, “Actually, if you want to stay seated, we’ll adjust the bed.” 

“Before you tie me down again?” Again that light, mocking tone that raised all of her red flags. Still, she nodded.

“We have to. I’ve told you, until we figure out how to -” her breath caught when she took his hand - freezing cold - and unwrapped the bandage on his wrist “- to help you.”

“Why bother?” There was something underneath the lightness, something that was self-mocking, a darkness and bitterness that colored every word. He wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Why do you even care? Is it just the -” Jarrod choked as if something was physically stopping him from speaking, and his mouth worked a few times, soundless, before he managed to force out “- his orders? Just that?”

“It isn’t and you know it.” There was no new blood under the dressing, and Lily quickly and efficiently replaced it with a fresh one. She didn’t try to look Jarrod in the face as she worked, for both their sakes. “I’ve told you before, and it hasn’t changed since.” She patted his wrist over the bandage out of habit, and he pulled away sharply with a snarl. 

“You’re still fools, all of you. You have no idea - what I did - what _he_ did -” Now it was clear that he meant Dai Shi, not Casey. Lily held up a hand.

“We don’t know and don’t care. None of it was you, Jarrod.” 

“We know enough,” RJ added, his voice dark with the promise of violence, should Jarrod try anything, and Lily shot him a warning glare.

“You know nothing. You wouldn’t be doing this if you knew. He hasn’t told you, has he?” Jarrod’s question was followed by a bark of something that might’ve been laughter, but sounded too broken to count as mirth. 

“He’s told us enough.” RJ advanced one step, and Lily motioned for him to stop, her forearm across his chest as he came up behind her. 

“RJ, don’t. Don’t let him get you worked up.” She glanced back and noticed a flare of purple behind RJ, a brief glow that was quenched almost immediately, but still worried her. 

“Oh, why not? You have so much to be furious about. Don’t you want to know who you’re helping? What it is that you care about? Who you’re sheltering under your roof?” Jarrod’s voice lost all pretence of lightness, and was full of anger and bitterness, and a self-loathing that had Lily looking around to check whether there was anything he could grab and use as a weapon. 

“Let him talk, Lily. He wants to tell us so badly - go ahead,” RJ spoke up, and she could hear the barely restrained anger in his voice. 

“That’s a terrible idea, RJ. Really.” She was on her feet, ready to step between them if she needed to, but by that point RJ and Jarrod were fully focused on each other, and neither one of them even looked at her. 

“No, it’s a great idea. You wanted to talk, so talk.” 

“Oh, I’ll talk.” Jarrod’s teeth were bared, and the air was filled with a subtle vibration as several animal spirits growled together. His voice dropped, becoming almost conversational as he indicated the room around them, “For a start, I didn’t show him the same kindness you show me: I kept him in a cold, dark cave, made him crawl around in his own filth, blind and injured and cold and alone.”

“Jarrod, stop.” Lily’s pulse was racing, this would end badly, so badly…

“No, keep going, _Jarrod_.” RJ’s voice was quiet and calm enough, but she could hear the venom underneath, the barely restrained fury. 

“You’ve had your doctor look at him, you know the damage I did.”

“Not you, Jarrod. Dai Shi did all that. You can’t blame yourself -”

“ _I_ did it! Me - all of it! I let Dai Shi use me, I didn’t fight it, I let him do - everything he did, I let it all happen. All the dead people, the buildings, the homeless, the terror - that was all me. He enjoyed every second of it - and so. Did. _I_.”

“I don’t believe you.” They were all getting louder, and Lily made an effort to control herself. She didn’t believe and didn’t want to believe. 

“You should.” His grin was more a grimace of hatred and disgust, “I knew everything that he did, you know. I felt it all, every sadistic pleasure, the joy of destruction. When we sent your fearless leader nightmares that made him scream and puke in terror, he drew the images from my mind- from my memories and desires. Everything he did to your precious cub, _I did_. _My_ hands beat him, _I_ ruined his hands, _I_ starved him and taunted him and left him in the dark alone and terrified. I listened to him cry and scream, and I _laughed_!” He was shouting now, and the growling was louder, the purple glow of the wolf spirit more pronounced. Lily could hear people moving and doors slamming open behind them, but found she couldn’t move, could only watch in silent horror, one hand pressed against her mouth as the tirade spiralled towards its inevitable, horrible end. “And when Dai Shi wanted to break his will, _I_ raped him! I-”

But he couldn’t finish, as a streak of purple light shot right over Lily, and RJ knocked her physically away, pushing her to the floor as easily as if she wasn’t there at all, and threw himself at Jarrod, hands tightening around his neck, shouting - or howling, Lily couldn’t tell. 

The room suddenly felt incredibly crowded, as Dom, Camille and Master Finn all rushed in together, Camille leaping over Lily lightly to reach Jarrod as well, while Dom and Master Finn wrestled RJ away and held him back. Jarrod was gasping on the bed, caught between hysterical laughter, sobbing and whatever damage RJ had done to his throat, a terrible sound that held little sanity. Purple and grey and white spirits spun around each other and the room was full of shouting, howling, growling and the grind of furniture over a wooden floor - until suddenly all was silent. Well - mostly silent. 

On the bed, Jarrod was still laughing, choked and ragged and - torn, somehow, Lily thought as she sat up. Flat on the floor with both Dom and Master Finn holding him down, RJ was swearing a blue streak, struggling to rise and using language Lily had never heard from him - and several words she’d never heard before from anybody. She got to her feet, wobbling slightly as new bruises-to-be announced themselves, supporting herself on the bed, and reached for Jarrod to make sure he was in no immediate danger of dying. He didn’t seem to be, but he was starting to hyperventilate, his face an odd shade of purple.

“Crap.” Of all of them, Camille seemed the calmest, so Lily turned to her. “Get a paper bag from the kitchen, there’s a basket by the door. Hurry.” Camille scrambled away, and Lily kept one hand on Jarrod’s wrist to feel his pulse and looked down to the others, “Get RJ outside, right now.” Him staying would only make things worse right now. All the while, Jarrod’s last confession was battering the wall she’d put up in her head, begging to be addressed and acknowledged, but she refused. She’d think about that once nobody was going to die. Later. There’d be time. It was not as if ‘later’ would make things any better, and they could hardly be worse. 

Master Finn nodded, his eyes steely and cold, and hauled RJ up by the scruff of his neck, completely disregarding the fact that they were of a height and that RJ could resist if he wanted- though he didn’t look like he was planning on it, to be honest. He was trembling with rage, and seemed to be holding on to the remains of his composure by a bare thread. Dom took his arms, and together he and Master Finn half led, half dragged him out of the room. Which left Lily alone with Jarrod. Angry red marks were already rising around his neck, and while his breath had wound down a little and the paper bag that Camille returned with was no longer necessary, it still stuttered and hitched coming in and out. His eyes were screwed shut, his fists clenched in the sheet underneath him. 

“Jarrod, look at me.” It was hard saying his name, harder to say it calmly, but she managed. He ignored her. “ _Jarrod!_ Look at me!”

“If you won’t look at her, then look at me,” came from behind her, and Lily whirled around, mouth dropping open inelegantly when she saw Casey, fully morphed, standing in the doorway. He was leaning on it, as if even morphed he could barely stand, but he was there, and talking. “Sit up and open your eyes, Jarrod. You owe me that much.” 

“No.” Jarrod had sat up and opened his eyes, despite his verbal refusal, but he looked flat out terrified, pressing himself back into the bed and possibly trying to disappear. Camille _had_ disappeared entirely, fading away into the background, and Lily only wished she could do the same. 

“Casey, you shouldn’t be up yet - Dana said -”

“I know what she said.” His voice was neutral, slightly tinny, like voices always were when they morphed. “I think this counts as an emergency.” He looked directly as Jarrod then. “Jarrod.” Jarrod swallowed hard and shook his head frantically, a hunted look in his eyes. “Tomorrow morning, I’ll deal with you. After Master Lope does what he can for my hands. Until then, you will stay in this room, you will do as you’re told, you won’t talk to anybody except Camille and Dom and myself, and you will absolutely not try to kill yourself, directly or by making someone kill you. Clear?”

Jarrod nodded, swallowed convulsively again - it had to hurt, given the state of his throat, and croaked, “Yes.” 

“Good.” Casey nodded as well. “Lil - I’m… gonna need a hand when I power down. I think.” He sounded a little sheepish, and Lily could put aside everything she’d just heard and concentrate on the fact that he’d clearly overextended himself. 

“Coming.” She looked at Jarrod again. “Is it safe to leave you alone?”

“He promised,” Casey answered, and Jarrod again nodded jerkily. Camille faded back into view and put a hand on his shoulder, which made him flinch sharply. 

“I’m here. I’ll keep watch until you’ve all calmed down.” 

“Thanks, Camille.” Lily could hear the faint smile in Casey’s voice. With a sigh, she hurried to help him back to his own room, helping him down to the bed. He didn’t demorph immediately, though. “Is RJ...?”

Lily tilted her head, listening to the noise from outside. “I think Master Finn’s taking care of it. Want to go see? We’ll find a window, it’s better not to be outside when they get like this.”

“Um… what are they doing, exactly?” 

“You’ll see. But demorph, first.”

“I won’t be able to walk,” he balked, and she held up both palms to stop whatever other objections he wanted to make.

“I’ll carry you. Power down before you hurt yourself more.”

“I think - maybe it’s better if I stay morphed. For a few minutes longer.” She could feel the uncertainty, even though no expression showed through the mask. “If RJ sees me like I will be when I power down, he might go off again, like he did just now - and that’ll be bad.”

“By the time Master Finn’s done with him, he won’t have the energy to explode at anybody, believe me.” But she could see he felt pretty strongly about staying morphed, so she didn’t try to push the subject any further, “I just hope you’re not screwing with your system to the point where Master Lope can’t heal you tomorrow.” 

“You and me both.” 

Lily led the way to the front window, where the clear sounds of a fight were coming through. Outside, RJ and Master Finn were going at each other: they were unarmed, and RJ wasn’t morphed, but beyond that it was clearly a no-holds-barred, all out fight, with very few pulled punches. Neither one of them was fighting to kill, but it was far more than a training bout, and there was real anger, real intent fueling their punches and kicks. So far, they appeared to be fairly evenly matched. 

“They do this a lot?” Casey asked after about a minute, when both RJ and Master Finn had been knocked down several times, and the fight showed no signs it was about to end. He sounded concerned, surprised, and Lily couldn’t help smiling, as his confusion echoed her own, the first time she’d seen them fight.

“About once a week, since you’ve been - gone.” She glanced sideways at him, “After we found your morpher - and couldn’t find you, no matter how hard we looked - RJ took it kind of hard. Harder than the rest of us. He blamed himself for not coming to help you while we still knew where you are, and he was pushing himself too hard, didn’t sleep for three or four days at a time, looking for you, until Master Finn stepped in.” 

“Stepped in like that?” he indicated the fight outside, where RJ’s back hit the ground hard, but his legs swept out and tripped Master Finn, even as they were both rolling away from each other. 

“More or less. I wasn’t there, and Dom can’t actually remember who threw the first punch. The way he tells it, he _thinks_ that Master Finn slapped RJ, RJ punched back, and next thing you know, we had to rebuild half the shelves in the loft. But RJ slept for 16 hours afterwards, and they both agreed that it helped, to have an outlet. So they’ve been doing it since then, whenever things get too stressful.”

“That’s…” Casey hesitated over the next words, and when Lily looked at him properly, his body language radiated unhappiness: head down, shoulders slumped, hands still stiff and damaged, but clutched together. She nudged him very carefully.

“They’re managing their emotions. It’s better than lashing out at people, uncontrolled. It’s better than bottling it up and denying they’re upset. It’s helping them.”

“They shouldn’t need this. It’s - my fault. I sh-should never have gone there alone.” His voice was getting less steady, and Lily held up a hand to stop him.

“You can’t blame yourself, Casey. It’s not your fault. You thought you were doing the right thing. There isn’t a question of guilt here, okay? Everybody does what they have to do to manage this - and believe me, I’ve never seen RJ and Master Finn get along this well. They’re actually talking - so I guess they had issues to work out. But it’s not your fault, Case. Not getting captured, not anything that - that happened after.” 

“I went there. Alone. Thought I could do it. I was wrong - and that’s the result.” He indicated the ongoing fight, but his hand dropped and he seemed to be fading fast. 

“Casey, we should get you back to bed. You need to power down, sooner rather than later.” She pushed aside sympathy and made herself sound as assertive as she could, without being harsh. “Feeling guilty can wait until you’re stronger - and maybe then you’ll see that you don’t have anything to blame yourself for.”

He shrugged, but didn’t argue further, and Lily helped him back to his room. 

“When RJ - when they’re finished, outside, could you ask RJ to install a camera in here? A hidden one? It can be - in the morning. But early. If he can.”

“Okay… why?”

“Because putting it in Jarrod’s room means he’ll know about it.” As answers went, it wasn’t much of a one, but Lily let it go. They were all upset and distracted. She waited for Casey to arrange himself in bed, and watched as he powered down, gasping when his face appeared, waxy-pale with deep purple shadows bruise-like under his eyes. “Don’t - worry about it. Just need to rest.” Even his voice was weaker. 

“You’re not doing this again, it’s too dangerous,” she told him firmly, “you’ll hurt yourself.” Lily bit her lip, uncertain, but then gathered her nerve and continued, “And Casey, at some point - you should talk about -”

“Not tonight, Lil,” he cut her off, but it was clear he knew what she was talking about. “Just - not tonight, okay?” He looked so exhausted, so numb, that pushing him further wasn’t an option at all, and Lily nodded. 

“Not tonight. At some point, though.” At some point she’d have to wrap her own mind around it, reconcile herself to the concept of her friend, her leader, and the word ‘raped’ in the same sentence. In her mind, she refused to use euphemisms, to dance around the subject; Jarrod had said it, Casey hadn’t denied it, and it wasn’t something Dai Shi couldn’t have done - so it had happened, and all anybody could do was deal with it, now. She wanted to cry. She wanted to destroy Dai Shi until even the memory of him was erased. Instead, she settled down on a chair by Casey’s bed, tipped her head back against the wall, closed her eyes and sighed. There’d be time enough for all the rest later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is sort of the uber-drama one, guys. TW for violence, post trauma, discussion of suicide, suicide attempts, mentions of non-con, self destructive behavior, the whole shebang.


	6. 5. Theo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Casey takes drastic measures, while Theo and the others watch from the outside, unable to intervene.
> 
> Warnings and notes at the end.

Theo was supposed to take the ‘day shift’ at Master Finn’s, to let Lily and Dom rest a bit during the pizza parlor’s quieter hours until the evening rush, but in practice his shift started well before dawn, when Lily woke him up. Dom had sent her back to the loft to sleep, she explained shakily, and then borrowed into his arms. They both ended up in a hammock that wasn’t anywhere near big enough for two, curled up around each other as she explained the events of the day - and the night that followed it. Lily cried, working her way past the shock and into horror and sadness, but Theo only felt blank, as if nothing in him was equipped to deal with this at all.

It was a familiar, hated feeling; one he’d felt all too often during the past weeks.

Theo hated feeling helpless and inadequate, but taking care of others just wasn’t his strong suite. He was much better with logic and tactics and planning than with comforting people; it was a flaw he’d only recently been made aware of, as they all started to fall apart during the time Casey was gone, and he was trying to improve, but it was slow going and since they’d found Casey, things had changed too quickly, and he’d had no time to collect himself and adjust. 

Casey, captive, tortured - rationally, Theo knew that people got over those things. That with proper care and help and time, it was likely Casey would recover. But rationality had nothing to do with compassion, and the rational knowledge of improvement ‘in time’ was a cold comfort in the confusing, scary now. The rational knowledge that there _were_ things that could and should be done to help Casey was equally useless when Theo had no idea what those things were, or whether he was capable of providing them. The thought that he might find himself on the sidelines, watching in frustration as the others all fell into place with the ease of intuition that he lacked, was much worse than the prospect of having to deal with emotions. He refused to allow his own fears to stop him from doing what he could for his friend, but - what if he made a mistake? What if he somehow caused more damage, through ignorance or carelessness or just not noticing something in time? 

Worrying kept Theo up the rest of the night, staring up at the ceiling, his mind racing with options and possible mistakes, reeling at just how much he _didn’t understand_. 

When Lily saw his face in the morning, she hugged him tightly, and he hugged her back, still feeling wrong-footed and ill at ease. 

“Just - don’t try to say the right thing. You’re overthinking this.”

“I- I can’t really think about anything else,” he admitted with a deep, annoyed sigh. “What if I say the wrongest thing?”

“You won’t. And if you do, you’ll apologize.” Lily looked at him directly, and let him see she was as upset as he was, and as lost; he loved her a little more for that. “You know Casey; he hates being treated like an invalid, he’ll do his best to pretend it’s nothing more than a cold or a regular injury that only slows him down a bit. But he might get angry, he might lash out - more than anything, I think, he’s frustrated. And his tiger spirit is out of balance. Help him and RJ meditate, catch him up on what we’ve been doing while he was - gone.” she hesitated over the word but pushed on. “Act normal around him. At least try.”

“I’ll try.” It was the best he could promise, and he had no idea whether he even knew what counted as normal, any more. “It’ll be okay.” If he said it often enough, it might be true. 

***

By the time Theo got to Master Finn’s, it was later than he’d planned to arrive, and he had a pounding headache. Controlled breathing and trying to relax his shoulders weren’t helping much, but he tried them anyway, just to know he was trying to stay on top of things. He let himself in, to find that everyone was in Casey’s room - everyone, including Master Lope. From the look on Casey’s face, whatever the Spirit Master was doing to his hands was far from pleasant. 

“Only another moment,” Master Lope was saying as Theo approached. Casey looked like he was about to pass out, and when the Spirit Master finally let go of his hands, and the yellow glow faded from around the two of them, he fell back against his pillows with something Theo refused to call a whimper of pain. Red Rangers didn’t _whimper_. Dom caught Theo’s eye and waved him over with a tense smile. 

“The healing ritual took about half an hour, and he’s looked like that or worse the whole time; be glad you showed up when you did.” Dom looked tired and unhappy, more distressed than Theo had seen him in a while. Looking over at RJ, Theo noted that their mentor also seemed distressed, and that Master Finn had his hand on the back of RJ’s neck, either in support or to stop him interfering, or both. He decided that he really was lucky to have been late.

“What now, though?” he whispered, and apparently he wasn’t quiet enough because Master Lope turned to him. 

“Now, we allow the Power and the Grid to do their job. I’ll wrap his hands and fingers to make sure everything stays in place, and they should heal within a few days, as do most other injuries. I’ve returned things to the way they were immediately after his hands were first injured, cleared up the remains of the infection and other damage. Now that the breaks are clean, they should heal with no long term effects.” 

So… essentially, Master Lope had rebroken everything. No wonder Casey looked only half conscious. Theo felt a little sick, and Dom wasn’t looking much better. 

“Thank you, Master Lope.” Master Finn, alone of all of them, seemed to be entirely composed. He bowed to the Spirit Master, who bowed back and set to work again with a medical kit. “Dom, Theo, why don’t you two see about breakfast and coffee for everyone? RJ, remember what Casey asked you about the camera? You should do that now. I’ll go look in on Jarrod and Camille.” Glad to be given tasks, they all dispersed. 

“What did Casey ask about a camera?” Theo asked Dom as they started breakfast preparations. He didn’t think he’d want to eat, but it was going to be a long day and having food around wasn’t a bad idea.

“I’m not sure why, but he wanted RJ to install one of his closed-circuit camera setups in his room, with a screen in the living room,” Dom explained, cracking eggs into a skillet. “RJ doesn’t know why either, but I don’t see him refusing anything Casey asks for, anytime soon.” 

Theo nodded, aware of RJ’s affection for Casey. He’d wondered if it went beyond just friendship, with them, but as long as it didn’t disrupt the team, it was none of his business, just like his love for Lily wasn’t any of theirs. Then he made himself ask, even though he didn’t want to, and probably shouldn’t have, “Um… how _is_ Casey?”

Dom shrugged again, “He seems okay? No different from yesterday, more tired maybe. Morphing took a lot out of him.” He paused and turned so he was looking at Theo directly. “Remember, for him nothing’s changed since yesterday except that we know what happened. And to be honest, we don’t know much, anyway. Like, what exactly happened, or how, or how many times -”

“ _Stop_!” Theo dropped his knife and held up both hands, cringing. He didn’t want to think about any of that, that way lay things he was not ready to deal with. Not yet. Probably not ever, if he was honest with himself. “God - just - just don’t, okay?” He swallowed hard, considered picking up the knife again but his hands, were shaking, so he just leaned back against the counter, “Please don’t. It doesn’t matter - how many times.” He was going to be sick and that would be incredibly embarrassing. 

“It might matter. But… no, it probably doesn’t, you’re right. Sorry. I’ve - had all night to think about it.” Dom looked a little apologetic, and a lot uncomfortable. “Everybody’s tiptoeing around it, now. RJ’s two seconds away from exploding all the time, even after Master Finn went at it with him for an hour last night. And neither one of them can even look at Jarrod.” 

“How can _you_?” Theo knew he sounded accusatory, and he really didn’t mean to but couldn’t help it. How could any of them help Jarrod, knowing what he’d done - or what he’d let Dai Shi do. 

“He wasn’t in control of himself. Dai Shi was forcing him, as much as he was forcing Casey. They’re _both_ victims in this, Theo.” 

“Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?” Theo challenged, because Dom didn’t sound entirely sure of himself. The older man sighed and looked away. 

“Both of us, maybe. Rationally, I know it’s true, and I need to act like I believe it until I do, or risk doing more damage than has already been done. It wasn’t his fault. I can’t hold that against him, or any of the deaths Dai Shi caused, or he really won’t have a chance at being Jarrod again. We… used to be friends.” 

Something in Dom’s voice prompted Theo to reach out and squeeze his shoulder in silent support, which he wouldn’t have otherwise done. It had to be hard, being the one person supporting the person everybody else would’ve happily killed. But rationally, he could try to accept that Dom had a point: Jarrod had no more control of the situation than any of them, as much a victim of Dai Shi as any who’d suffered from his cruelty. “I guess you have a point. I’ll try to do the same.” 

Dom smiled at him, a tired and worn smile, but genuine, and they finished making breakfast in a comfortable silence.

When they came back out to the main room, it was right into the middle of a confrontation. Master Lope was still there, hanging in the background, but RJ was standing over Casey, who was looking rather more alert than before, and dangerously determined. Theo recognized the look - it was the Red Ranger look, the one that meant that Casey’s mind was made up, and nothing would stand in his way until his goal was achieved. There was nothing of weakness or vulnerability in his body language or expression, and Theo suppressed a surge of gratitude at that. He was happy that his friend seemed unchanged, but reminded himself that he couldn’t and mustn’t expect him to be exactly as he had been. 

“Absolutely not,” RJ said, in a tone that implied this wasn’t the first time he’d said that. 

“I wasn’t asking, RJ. I explained what I’m going to do, and you’re not going to change my mind.”

“I’m not trying to change your mind. I’m saying no way in hell am I letting you do that. That’s insane, Case.” RJ looked angry, frustrated, tired and scared, all at the same time. “Please - you realize it’s a crazy plan, right? And dangerous?”

“It’s not dangerous. Nothing’s going to happen, except what we both need to happen.” Casey’s tone was steely, his eyes more so. Dom cleared his throat.

“Want to catch us up?”

RJ barely glanced over his shoulder at them, “Nothing to catch you up on. Casey had a crazy idea, but he’s not going to act on it.” 

“It’s not crazy, and I’m going to do exactly what I told you I will. RJ,” Casey’s voice was oddly gentle, but still firm. “It’s not your call. It’s mine.”

“No. You can’t do it, you’re not - not thinking straight,” RJ blurted, then immediately winced, and looked away. 

“What idea, exactly?” Theo asked, before things could get any more awkward. 

“Jarrod needs supervision, and I need to - to resolve a few things with him. Work out some stuff. Without interference,” Casey explained, outwardly calm, but Theo could see the looks he was giving RJ, half angry, half frustrated. “So you’re going to move Jarrod to my room, where RJ put a camera and a microphone, so you’ll be able to see and hear us, and you’re going to leave us enough food and water for a few days, and then I’ll lock the door from the inside, and you’ll leave us alone until we’re worked things out. Simple.”

Theo was too stunned to answer for a moment, while he processed this plan. “Uh huh. Simple,” he said, to stall for time until something more intelligent suggested itself, “That - uh - it sounds like a _terrible_ idea, Casey.”

“It isn’t. Trust me.” Casey did sound very sure of himself, but then, he’d also sounded really confident about previous plans, including the one that got him captured by Dai Shi, so Theo was less likely to go with his initial urge to just believe Casey and let him try. At Theo’s flat look, Casey continued, “someone needs to keep an eye on him. And,” he hesitated, but only for a moment, “I need to see him as Jarrod, or I - I’ll take - longer to - to get over things. I need to not be afraid of him.” 

Admitting that must’ve been really, really hard, and on one hand Theo respected Casey for admitting it, but on the other, shutting himself in a room with the cause of his trauma still sounded like a really awful idea.

“Why the hurry, Casey?” Master Finn interjected from his position behind RJ. RJ turned and glared at him, but Theo was intrigued - it was a good question, after all. 

“Dai Shi is still out there. We’re going to need to fight him,” Casey replied simply, “and Jarrod needs to be able to help us. If we can’t work together, that won’t happen, so we both need to get over ourselves, as fast as we can. I can’t - RJ, I _can’t_ take as long as those books say I should. We’re not done yet.” 

He sounded so determined and yet so anxious, that Theo felt an irrational anger, because none of them deserved this - none of them deserved to still have a fight on their hands after the weeks they’d had, after defeating Dai Shi once already - it just wasn’t fair. But the mission overrode everything else, even (especially) sanity. In the face of that kind of argument, no matter how terrible of an idea it was, he was sure RJ would have to give in. 

He was wrong, as it turned out. “We don’t need any help from _him_ ,” RJ bit out, and Theo took half a step back, bumping into Dom behind him, in surprise and not a little worry. He’d never heard RJ so angry and hateful. He could understand why, of course, but it was still unexpected and very unpleasant. RJ was the easygoing, laid-back one; if he was freaking out, where did it leave all the rest of them? 

Casey didn’t look scared or surprised, though; maybe a little disappointed, “You’re wrong. But even if we don’t need his help, he’ll need ours - and my way is the only way to work it out _fast_. You can’t stop me, RJ.” 

“You can’t even _walk_ ,” The anger turned to pleading, and Theo frowned. Reminding Casey of his limitations was the worst way to try to talk him out of anything, and RJ knew that as well as any of them. That he resorted to it meant that he was almost out of better arguments, and desperate. Time to step in and stop this before someone said something they’d regret. 

“RJ, maybe Casey’s right.” All eyes turned to him, and Theo suddenly felt very uncomfortable. But Dom nodded very slightly, so he went on, “this sort of thing - with Jarrod -” he almost choked on the name “- it’s up to him, not us. He’s the one - dealing with, uh, things.” Feeling like a stuttering insect, Theo flushed and looked down, mortified, and finished with, “you can’t stop him from doing it, anyway. You won’t tie him down, and we all know that’s about the only way to stop Casey doing anything.” He knew Dom was nodding his agreement behind him. RJ looked around the room wildly, and, seeing he was alone in his opinion - or at least in his willingness to act on that opinion - he growled and stormed out of the room. The crack of a fist hitting drywall came clear through the door, and Master Finn winced. Casey looked faintly guilty. 

“Sorry I got him so angry.”

“It wasn’t you, Casey. RJ’s been angry since the day you disappeared. Mainly at himself, I suspect,” Master Finn reassured him. “I won’t try to stop you, but… are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” Casey confirmed. “We both need this, Master Finn. We both need to stop seeing Dai Shi whenever we look at Jarrod. He has to stop hating himself, or he’ll manage to kill himself eventually. I’ll deal with RJ afterwards?”

Master Finn sighed, “I’ll keep him from flying apart until you’re done.”

“That’s why I asked him to put in the video equipment, so you’ll be able to look in and see I’m okay. I’m -” he stopped and swallowed hard, and all the talking seemed to have tired him out, “I’m used to being shut up in a small room with him, you know? Whatever happens, it can’t be - any worse. And it might be the only thing that’ll work.” 

Theo suppressed a shudder. “For the record, I still think it’s a terrible idea and you’re nuts,” he said, and pulled himself short when he realized what he’d said, “I - uh - that is -”

Casey smiled, quick and mischievous, and waved him off, “it probably is and maybe I am. But it’ll work.”

“Do we need to point out the part where you can’t walk three steps on your own, and can’t even feed yourself until your hands heal up?” Dom asked drily from behind Theo’s shoulder, and Casey shrugged. 

“Jarrod’s just going to have to help me.” For a moment, disgust, frustration, and something that might’ve been sick terror flashed across his face. “He can start by feeding me breakfast.” 

“On the good news side, it’s chocolate pudding.” Somehow, Theo felt this was very cold comfort. 

***

To Theo’s surprise, RJ wasn’t the only fight Casey had on his hands when he tried to implement his plan - but the second fight wasn’t nearly as long or as unpleasant. 

Camille only took a few minutes of convincing. Unlike the Rangers, she was sure that Jarrod wouldn’t hurt Casey, and only needed reassurance that the opposite was also true and Casey wasn’t about to hurt Jarrod. The two of them seemed to have struck up a twisted sort of understanding during Casey’s captivity, and Theo made an effort to remember that she was no longer the enemy, and genuinely wanted to help them now. If Casey and Lily trusted her, then so would he. It wasn’t easy, though. 

Getting Jarrod into Casey’s room was a whole different story, though. Unlike Casey, he was fully mobile and oddly energetic, and seemed to share RJ’s opinion of the whole crazy scheme.

“No!” He was sitting up on his bed, and this time Dom took the front position, after explaining that Jarrod was under orders not to talk to anybody other than Casey, Camille and himself. Theo looked on from behind Dom, ready to help but mainly watching. He hadn’t had a chance to really interact with Jarrod since his release, and right then and there, he wasn’t sure he wanted to at all. Every time he looked at the man, his stomach twisted with anger and disgust, so he didn’t look at him directly. 

“You’re not really in a position to say no, Jarrod,” Dom explained calmly. “Or d’you want to explain to Casey why not?”

Jarrod was trembling, Theo noted with surprise. The thought of spending time alone with Casey seemed to scare the hell out of him - which was actually sort of understandable, given everything. It must be like a nightmare for him. The thought held a touch of vindictiveness which Theo didn’t bother to tamp down, since he wouldn’t need to act on it anyway. He pulled himself back out of his thoughts when Jarrod spoke, his voice soft and scratchy. “No. But - I can’t.”

“You sort of have to. Just move from this room to the one across the corridor. We’re even moving your bed and your things.” Dom had brought a bag of Jarrod’s clothes, left over at the Academy, on the first day. “It’s a short walk.” 

It was a short walk. Jarrod moved like a man walking to his execution, which he might’ve believed he was, to be honest. Theo knew that in a similar situation, he might fear the same. It took a lot of effort to imagine himself in a similar situation, though. Casey was back in the room as well, but he was asleep and didn’t stir, even with the noise of moving the bed, another chair and Jarrod’s bag in with the two of them. Looking around, Theo thought the room seemed a little crowded with two beds, two chairs and two people living in it, but possibly the cramped conditions were part of the point. At least the room had its own bathroom, and a window.

“Alright. Lock the door from the inside when we leave,” Dom said with a cheerfulness that Theo was almost sure was fake. “Casey’s probably going to sleep for a while, but your breakfast and lunch are over there -” he indicated a tray on the table, “and we’ll knock and deliver supper later. Shout if you need anything.” 

Jarrod looked like he might be sick. Theo gave him a tight nod, as civil as he could make it, and followed Dom out. Camille stayed another moment, exchanging several urgent, fierce whispers with Jarrod before she, too, left the room and closed the door behind her. They all heard the key turn in the lock. Theo slumped against the wall, suddenly exhausted.

“I need another coffee. And then we’ll see if RJ’s surveillance equipment picks up everything we need.” 

There was a sense of urgency as they made coffee and ate breakfast standing up. RJ wasn’t back yet, and Master Finn shrugged and joined them for breakfast. They all hurried, either curious as to what was happening in the locked room, or worried about what might be happening. Theo didn’t really think Jarrod would harm Casey, not matter how asleep and unguarded he was, but he’d been surprised before, and was not interested in any more such surprises. They set up chairs in front of the large screen that Master Finn had produced from somewhere earlier that morning, and it was with mingled relief and mild guilt at how voyeuristic the whole thing was that Theo turned it on. The picture was clear, from an angle at the top corner of the room where the camera was hidden in a vent, and covered both beds, the desk and chairs and the door leading to the bathroom. If someone were to curl up right on the edge of the bed, they might not be able to see them, but Casey had no reason to hide, and Jarrod, at least as far as Theo knew, wasn’t aware that the camera was there at all. He might guess, of course, but unless Camille had told him, there was no way for him to know about the camera. 

Jarrod was sitting in a chair, staring. He didn’t move much, and he didn’t eat anything. Casey was asleep. After about ten minutes of this Dom got bored and announced he was going to catch up on some much needed sleep himself, and Master Finn went to take care of his daily routine - and possibly look for RJ, Theo assumed. This left him alone with Camille, both of them watching a still, fairly boring screen together. The silence stretched and became a little awkward after another fifteen minutes. 

“Does he know there’s a camera?” Theo asked abruptly, and then stopped and shook his head. He’d meant to build up to the question with some small talk; clearly his brain had other ideas, blurting it out like that.

Camille didn’t look angry or offended, but he could barely read her anyway. “I didn’t tell him about it, and I don’t think any of your side have, either. Your Red Ranger might tell him, when he wakes up, but I doubt he will.” She paused for a moment, as if wondering how much to give away, but continued, “I think it won’t work, if he knows he’s being watched. I’m not sure it will work, even if he doesn’t.”

“I’m not sure either.” Agreeing with her on anything was _weird_. He wasn’t sure what they might see, watching something that was essentially private, for however long it took. “Think it’ll take long?” Talking was better than a strained silence. 

“I don’t know.” She sounded less neutral, more worried. “It could be very short, if one of them attacks the other - we’ll come in there and stop them, right?” He nodded quickly, and she continued, “it could be days, if what your Red Ranger wants to happen doesn’t happen. He’s the type who’ll wait forever because he’s sure he’s right, isn’t he?” 

“Yeah,” Theo tried not to sound too depressed about that. “I guess you - got to know him?” He didn’t want to ask and didn’t want to know, but still he poked at it, like a sore tooth. He didn’t think Casey himself would ever tell him anything, and maybe hearing it from somebody else could give it some distance. If Theo could separate the details from the fact that his friend had lived through it all, maybe he could hear it and deal with it somehow. Otherwise, he knew he was liable to end up as bad as RJ, but without RJ’s relative lack of embarrassment about losing control. 

“I did, I suppose.” She nodded. Theo turned so he could look at her without straining his neck, but while still keeping one eye focused on the screen. When she saw his focus shift to her, she continued, “we didn’t talk much. But there wasn’t much to talk about. I tried to help him when I could.”

“That… was nice of you.” He didn’t mean for it to sound like a question, but it did; not that he was doubting that she’d tried to help, more that he wondered _why_. He shrugged mentally; if she wanted to explain herself, she would. 

“I didn’t want to see how Dai Shi would react if he accidentally killed his favorite toy.” Her voice was dry, but he didn’t think she was sarcastic or mocking. “Cats and dragons play; lizards don’t. If he’d killed the Red Ranger, I wouldn’t have cared one way or another, but to keep him like that, to play with him?” She made a distasteful face, “But Dai Shi was obsessed with him, and I have never been able to talk him out of anything. I managed to talk him _into_ a few things that helped. Better food.”

“Thank you for that.” He meant that sincerely, to his slight surprise. “He… he looked like he needed all the help he could get.” 

She gave him a long, searching look - long enough that he started getting uncomfortable, and focused on the screen again, even though there was nothing to see in the other room. Jarrod was still staring at the wall, and Casey was still asleep. 

“You want to know what happened.” It was a statement, not a question, and Theo nodded quickly, and then shook his head. 

“I don’t know if I want to know. And - if Casey wants us to know he’ll tell us himself, won’t he? It’s his story to tell.” If only he believed that Casey would tell them, which he didn’t.

She shrugged. “Okay.” 

Right. Not human. Tell her ‘no’ and she believes you. Theo felt like an idiot, but knew he’d been right the first time: it wasn’t Camille’s story to tell, nor his to hear without Casey’s consent. Theo settled down for a long wait. Master Finn came to replace him a few hours later to let him stretch his legs and get a snack. Camille was still there, unnaturally still, and didn’t seem to require a snack break. 

It was almost four hours later when Casey finally stirred. At the first signs of wakefulness from him, Jarrod was on his feet, and seemed to be bracing defensively. Casey coughed, blinked at him blearily, and slowly pushed himself up so he was more or less sitting. All his senses on high alert, Theo leaned closer to the screen, trying to make sure he missed nothing. 

“Huh.” Casey was still not entirely focused, it looked like. “It worked. Good.” He coughed again and winced, “can you get me two pills from that box, a glass of water and a straw?” He wasn’t looking directly at Jarrod, Theo noted, which was okay, because it didn’t look like Jarrod was looking directly at him, either. In fact, Jarrod looked like he was contemplating escape, his gaze swinging between the door, the bed and the window, before he jerkily set himself in motion. The inability or unwillingness to look at each other made the exchange of pills and water even more awkward than it would’ve been otherwise, but eventually they negotiated it, Jarrod holding the glass steady as Casey somehow got two pills into his mouth without using his fingers and handled the straw himself. When the glass was empty he pulled away with a hurried “Thanks” and finally looked at Jarrod, who had backed away as soon as he could, all the way to the other side of the room. “I didn’t think you’d agree to do it.”

“I didn’t,” the reply came too quickly, with a nervous edge to it that made Camille fidget at Theo’s side, suddenly tense. “I was told I was in no position to refuse.”

“Oh.” Casey thought about this for a moment and nodded once. “Whoever said it was right, you weren’t. Aren’t.”

Jarrod hung his head and said nothing. Casey bit his lower lip, and Theo echoed the motion even though he wasn’t usually prone to that kind of thing. After another long minute of silence, Casey seemed to shake himself. 

“We should eat.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Neither am I. But we should eat anyway.” There was the determined look again, and Jarrod seemed to recognize the futility of arguing further. He cautiously advanced towards the table and the covered dishes on it. 

“Chocolate pudding. I think.” He didn’t look happy about that. “And… peanut butter, maybe? And V8, and a whole pile of vitamin supplements.” He poked around the pile, “Alphabet salad.”

“Fun,” Casey replied neutrally. “Dana said I might graduate to solids if everything stays down for the next couple of days. You too, probably.” 

“I’m really not hungry,” Jarrod repeated, and his stance became even more defensive, clenched and drawn in. 

“I know. But our bodies need food, no matter how much our brains don’t feel like it.” Casey pulled himself up to sit straighter. Then he stopped, and Theo could clearly see he was steeling himself for something. “I’m going to need your help.” He raised a hand, demonstrating the splints keeping his fingers immobile.

Jarrod froze, staring in what looked to Theo like growing horror. Then he bolted, not to the door or the window but to the bathroom, and slammed the door behind him. Casey led his head fall back against the wall, either frustrated or tired or angry or all of those, and Theo was halfway to his feet before Camille’s cool hand on his arm stopped him. The chillness of her touch only reinforced the fact that she wasn’t human, and he stopped.

“They’ll deal with it on their own, Blue Ranger.” The earlier diffidence was gone, and Camille’s words carried the full weight of a creature thousands of years old. “Let them. We can’t burst in there every time one of them freaks out, or that door will never close.” It was strange to hear her use modern slang which still carrying the apparent wisdom of an ancient being - and then he reminded himself that she’d spent thousands of years napping in a cave wall, where the opportunities to gain insight into humans were probably limited, and frowned. 

“You sure? If they don’t eat…”

“They won’t die,” she reassured him, “Well, not immediately, anyway. We’ll have time to stop them if either or both of them decide to be really stupid.” 

“Really stupid was when we let Casey do this,” Theo grumbled, but he sat back down. 

“Probably.” She shrugged elegantly. “But since we already have, let’s see how they do. I’m very good at waiting and watching.”

“I’m not.” Maybe it’d go faster if he meditated. Or paced. Pacing sounded like a great idea. 

He was still pacing twenty minutes later when Casey finally got tired of waiting - or so Theo assumed, because he yelled loud enough that Master Finn came in from the other room to check on them. “Jarrod! Get back out here! NOW!”

To Theo’s surprise, it worked. Jarrod reappeared, slowly, hunched over into himself and looking at Casey like he was a curious and very dangerous type of snake. 

Casey already seemed a little breathless, as if surprised that shouting had worked, but he continued without pause, “now, we’re here until I decide we’re both ready to come out. It can be days, it can be longer. Eventually, we’ll both get hungry. Eventually, I’ll need your help getting up and going to the bathroom. And you’ll help me. You know why?”

“Because I owe you my life? For what that’s worth,” Jarrod spoke so quietly that Theo had to strain to hear him. 

“Maybe you do, but that’s not why.” Casey shook his head, and now his voice turned cooler, sharper, more precise and formal than Theo had heard from him before. “You aren’t Dai Shi. He used your body. He hitched a ride on your mind and twisted it. He _made_ you do things - horrible, terrible things. _He_ left me alone in the dark, starving, hurt, when I couldn’t move -” the words were so brittle Theo was sure something would break - or someone - and he wasn’t sure who’d crack first. “He did that. Not you. And we’re alone again, just you and me and a small room, and you won’t do what he made you do back at the cave, because you’re not Dai Shi. And I’m counting on your not being Dai Shi to survive the next few days, so I really hope I’m right.” He was back to his normal voice and tone on those last words, fast enough that Theo felt dizzy with it.

Camille blew out a hissed breath, “Low blow. The tiger’s using claws.” 

“He’s _insane_.” 

“Maybe. But he’s not _wrong_.” 

Casey, looking shaken after his own speech, shifted so he was lying down again and clumsily pulled the blanket up over his head. Jarrod slid down with his back against the wall and rested his head on his knees, his shoulders shaking silently. Theo discovered his hands were shaking as well. A tumbler full of something appeared by his hand and he knocked it back without thinking. By the time he stopped coughing, the burn in his throat matching the sting in his eyes, Camille was gone, and Master Finn was waiting with another shot. 

Half an hour later, Jarrod helped Casey sit up again, and between them they managed about half the pudding, a few spoonfuls of peanut butter, and all the supplements. It wasn’t easy for either of them, and their discomfort was clear even after Theo turned down the audio feed, for the sake of his nerves and their privacy. 

“Go rest. It’s not easy to watch.” Master Finn waved him away. “I’ll keep watch the next couple of hours, until RJ comes back.” 

It wasn’t easy to watch, and it was even harder for Theo to get his mind to calm down. In the end, he spent several hours deep in meditation, floating by the ceiling once he got his mind calm enough to levitate. But he really didn’t think all the meditation in the world would be enough for him to process what was going on in the other room. 

***

The rest of that day stretched endlessly, it felt like. RJ came back eventually and joined Theo in watching the screen, only to get up ten minutes later and walk away, growling. Since Casey and Jarrod were in opposite corners of the room, each apparently absorbed in a laptop (Casey) or a book (Jarrod), Theo wasn’t sure what it was that annoyed RJ, but he assumed that being cut off from Casey again, able to watch but not talk to him, was unpleasant. They rotated, with Masters Finn and Phant spelling Theo so none of them spent more than an hour or two on watch duty. For the most part, nothing much happened. 

Things in the room were still awkward, though. Casey didn’t try to initiate conversation again, and Jarrod barely looked at him, jumping at every motion or flicker of shadow. Theo thought it must be exhausting to be constantly guarded and on edge like that, and indeed, by evening Jarrod was nodding over his book, jerking awake again and again, every time with a flickered glance towards Casey and away. 

Just after dark, it looked like Casey had had enough of just sitting. He’d been restless for a while, Theo thought, but with the audio turned down, they hadn’t noticed the rustles of movement. Now, he reached for the dial and turned the sound back up. Casey was carefully, slowly, bending his legs on the bed. Jarrod looked up from his book - in which it didn’t look like he’d advanced much, probably too on edge to really read - and looked at him strangely. 

“What are you doing?”

“Exercises. Physiotherapy,” came the short reply, and Theo frowned - Casey wasn’t supposed to do that without somebody helping him, not at this early stage. 

Jarrod seemed to agree, because he frowned as well, but didn’t comment. He kept watching as Casey tried to do the exercises Dana had showed him. Theo had gotten the details from Lily, who’d gotten them from Dom, so he wasn’t sure how accurate it had been, but it still didn’t look like Casey was doing that well with it. He was slow and clumsy and the whole thing looked painful, and after a few minutes he stopped and snarled a quiet curse. 

“Do you - um - need help?” That Jarrod even suggested it was a step forward, in Theo’s eyes, but Casey seemed oddly reluctant. After a momentary hesitation, he shrugged.

“Probably. But not tonight.” Reluctance turned into obvious discomfort, “But I need a hand getting to the bathroom.” He didn’t look at Jarrod as he spoke, and again, Jarrod wouldn’t look at him directly, either, but he stood up and moved across the room to stand by Casey’s bed. Theo could see the tension vibrating through Casey, the way he tried to draw himself away without it being too obvious, and failing. 

“How - how do you want to do this?” Jarrod’s voice wavered, but he didn’t move away. “You _can_ walk, right?”

“Yes. But I’ll need you to help me with it. Help me up.” Casey was wearing long-sleeved pajamas, and he drew the sleeves further down his arms, or pulled his arms up into them a little, minimizing the amount of exposed skin. “Just - careful.” He was biting his lip again as Jarrod supported him and helped him stand, then indicated with short, stiff gestures, without words, where they should go. When they made the four steps to the bathroom door, Casey stopped. “I’ll be okay from here.” 

Jarrod frowned again, but didn’t argue, and allowed Casey to take a step on his own - something he couldn’t do the day before, Theo thought - a small improvement but nice in itself. Casey had disappeared from the camera’s view and into the bathroom, pulling the door closed after him. The equipment couldn’t pick up sound from the bathroom, but when Jarrod jumped, about a minute after the door closed, Theo assumed there’d been some kind of noise, a shout or a crash. Jarrod opened the bathroom door and ducked low out of the camera’s view as well, only to come flying out a breath later, crashing into one of the beds. Theo was moving before he even heard Casey’s screaming - not in fear but in rage. Master Finn stopped him before he reached the door, grabbing his shoulders and standing between him and his goal.

“Don’t interfere. Jarrod isn’t hurt, only a little shaken.” 

“Not Jarrod I’m worried about! And how do you know he isn’t, anyway?” Theo turned wildly; if he couldn’t get into the room, he wanted both eyes on the screen. 

“Look.”

In the room, Jarrod picked himself up, looking down at the ragged tears in his shirt, looking very much like claw marks, in shock. His shirt was torn, but it looked like whatever had hit it - Theo assumed it was the tiger spirit - hadn’t touched the skin beneath. 

“Casey?” Jarrod’s voice was again unsteady. Even with the bathroom door open, the watchers outside couldn’t hear a reply, and it seemed that there wasn’t one because Jarrod braced himself and approached again, more slowly this time. He froze, and Theo thought he heard, faintly, something said in the bathroom. “You need help getting back in here,” Jarrod answered whatever it was Casey said. After another pause, he scowled and straightened. “Fine, then I’m calling one of the others. You’re the one who insisted on being here with me!” He turned to face the door, but stopped after only a step, and turned back, his shoulders slumping, “You’re the one who insisted I help. I - I can’t help.” He sounded somewhere between angry and anguished, and Theo clenched his fists, suddenly furious with him. How dare he sound miserable when it was all his fault? 

“Wait,” Master Finn told him quietly. “This is something they need to work through.”

“He can’t even stand having RJ touch him! What if his tiger spirit goes out of control?” They could end up spending the whole night like that, or Casey’d have to morph to stand up - or the tiger spirit could accidentally kill Jarrod, which would be bad on many levels. 

“It’s not out of control. It protected Casey with minimal damage to Jarrod, that means he’s still very much in control of it and of himself.” Damn Master Finn for being so reasonable. Theo let out an explosive breath but subsided, and allowed Master Finn to lead him back to his chair. “This is what Casey wanted, and either one of them can call off the experiment, if it gets to be too much,” the older warrior added, and Theo snorted.

“Casey never knows when to call something off. He’ll hurt himself - set back the whole recovery process -”

“I hope he doesn’t. And if he does, it’s his body and his recovery process. He has a lot of independence to regain, and that includes being allowed to make mistakes. There, look.” He indicated the screen again, where Jarrod was helping Casey back to his bed. Jarrod had one hand under Casey’s arm, the other across his lower back, supporting him, and neither one of them looked like they were about to collapse, although Casey looked like shit. “Both still alive.”

“If that’s the best we can do, ‘alive’, then we’re in trouble.” Actually, nobody was arguing that they weren’t in trouble. Theo sighed again and shook his head, and concentrated on listening and watching. 

Once Casey was safely deposited in bed again, Jarrod sat down on the floor abruptly, as if his strings had been cut, and scrubbed both hands across his face, hard. 

“Why did you do this?” He sounded and looked strained. Casey glanced down at him, his expression carefully neutral. 

“I needed the bathroom.” 

“No - you know what I mean - don’t fucking play games with me!” Jarrod looked like he might stand up, but instead, pushed himself further against the wall, his eyes blazing in what Theo thought was a mix of anger and fear. “Why did you insist that I stay with you? Why this, now? Is it some kind of torture?”

“Does it feel like torture?” Casey tilted his head curiously, his face still blank. The blankness was disconcerting, and Theo looked away briefly, but forced himself to return. 

“Yes!” Jarrod replied sharply, one hand hitting the floor hard for emphasis. “I keep waiting for you to - to do something - something else! None of you are making any sense!”

“We aren’t?” Casey raised an eyebrow, and Theo knew he was provoking Jarrod on purpose, but wasn’t sure what the purpose was, exactly. Was he _trying_ to make him explode? Why?

“You _know_ you aren’t! Haven’t I done enough damage, that you’re giving me the chance to do more? Haven’t I killed and destroyed enough? W-why are you doing this?” Jarrod’s voice, which rose almost to a screech, wound down to a plaintive whisper on the last question, “Why are you putting me in a position where I’ll just hurt you again?”

Casey was silent, and the silence stretched and lingered, long, tense minutes. He closed his eyes, and after a moment Jarrod did the same, with a deep sigh. After ten minutes or so Theo shook off the tension, reminded himself that they could just walk into the room whenever they wanted, and worry about fixing the door later, and stood up. 

“More coffee?” He just needed to get away for a few minutes. They only had a few hours to go before Lily and Dom came to replace them for the night. Master Finn nodded, and Theo stayed in the kitchen longer than he had to. The tension was draining, and somehow it felt like they’d lost Casey again, like he walked into danger again, with his eyes open and against all reasonable advice. It made him irrationally, disproportionally angry. When he felt he could watch again without punching a wall, he returned with two mugs of coffee. “Any change?” 

“No.” Master Finn took the coffee with a nod of thanks.

“It’s been twenty minutes, think they’ve fallen asleep or something?”

“Doubt it.” Neither one of them had moved, though, as far as Theo could tell.

“Think Casey’s ever going to answer the question?”

“Probably, but obviously not yet.” Master Finn checked the time and made an irritated noise in the back of his throat. “And we were supposed to bring them some kind of supper half an hour ago. You keep watch, I’ll go warm something up.” As they were both still on plain rice and chicken broth and protein shakes, cooking wouldn’t take very long. 

There was still no movement in the room when Master Finn came back with a tray holding two bowls and two bottles of juice, and what looked like several bars of chocolate. “Do the honors, Theo?”

“Sure, send me into the tiger’s den, go right ahead.” But he took the tray willingly enough. The camera was enough to go on with, but he wanted to reassure himself that Casey was okay, and seeing it with his own eyes would help a lot. He knocked on the door. “Supper, guys.”

There was a short pause, and then “We’re not really hungry,” from Jarrod.

“But we’ll eat anyway,” Casey countered, and Theo heard, softer but still audible since he was right by the door. “Could you open the door and get it please, Jarrod?”

“Uh - yes?” Phrasing it as a question instead of an order seemed to take the wind right out of Jarrod’s sails, and a moment later the door opened. Theo was careful not to step into the room, but handed the tray over with a nod.

“Casey, everything alright?” He knew what the answer would be, of course, but Theo still asked.

“Hanging in there.” Casey actually sounded cheerful, but there was still an underlying fatigue there, and tension. “Doing pretty good, even.”

“You realize I don’t believe you, right?” Since he could see Jarrod’s face, which spelled out ‘get me out of here’ pretty clearly, Theo felt justified in expressing that opinion without risking Jarrod finding out about the camera.

“Yeah, but we’re still doing just fine.” Casey didn’t call him in, and Theo, again, made a point of not moving further until he was invited. “Night, Theo.”

“Night, guys.” There was no point trying to prolong the conversation. The door closed again and he heard the key turn. With another sigh, he returned to join Master Finn in front of the screen. To his surprise, RJ was there with a tray of pizza. 

“I brought dinner. And I need to see he’s okay,” was all the explanation RJ gave, and Theo didn’t question him further. He was willing to put up with a lot, for fresh pizza, and a grouchy RJ was the least of his worries. 

“He sounded more or less fine,” he offered, and took a slice. RJ nodded and grabbed himself a chair, and they all ate slowly as they watched the scene in the other room. 

Things seemed no less awkward now than they had before: Jarrod still needed to feed Casey, and it still looked like both of them hated every second of it. After only two or three bites Casey held up a hand.

“Stop.” He pushed himself back, looking distinctly ill. “Get away from me. Please.” The politeness was an afterthought, but he looked a lot more in control of himself than he’d sounded earlier, even though his hands were shaking. Jarrod obediently backed away, spoon still held up and looking like he was about to be sick, himself. Casey took several deep breaths, and seemed to center and calm himself over the next several minutes in a very basic meditation exercise all cubs were taught on their first week at the Academy. That it took almost five minutes spoke to Casey’s very upset state, but finally it looked like he got a handle on things. “Okay. We can continue. Sorry.”

Jarrod shook his head. “No. I’ll just freak you out again. There’s no point.” 

“There’s a point,” Casey sounded almost angry, but Theo wasn’t sure which way his anger was directed, “because I have to be able to work with you, and you have to be able to work with me. Because Dai Shi’s not gone yet. And because I’m afraid of you and you hate yourself and want to die.”

Theo winced. That was blunt - maybe too blunt, and too deep, too fast. Jarrod drew back as if he’d been slapped, and dropped the spoon as his hands came up defensively. He didn’t deny Casey’s claim, however, but threw it back in his face. 

“What if I do want to die? What does it matter? What do you care?”

“I care because there’s been enough killing already. Enough death and damage, okay? Too much of it. And if you die, that’s one more death Dai Shi caused, and I won’t let him have that. I won’t give him another murder, d’you understand that? Not gonna let him kill you.” Casey’s eyes blazed, and Theo felt his pulse pick up, echoing the Red Ranger’s heat. 

“But - but - he’s not -” Jarrod seemed to deflate, the anger fading away and leaving only despair in its wake. 

“If you kill yourself, it’ll be exactly like he was still controlling you, Jarrod. Exactly like that. He’ll win, don’t you see?” Casey’s voice cracked slightly. “He spent a year trying to destroy what was left of you, and now you’re free - you’re just gonna _let him_? Not while I’m around to stop you.” 

He stopped then, closing his eyes as if exhausted by his own emotions. Jarrod was just staring, stunned into speechlessness, which meant that Theo heard RJ when the other man started swearing quietly. 

“What now?” He removed his eyes from the screen only briefly to look at RJ, who shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“I just realized what he’s doing. Fuck - I don’t think he’s even aware of it.” RJ scrubbed his face hard with the hand that was already there, and looked at the screen again, “Can’t you feel it?”

“Feel what?” Theo was growing more frustrated by the second; this was no time to be cryptic, if Casey was doing something dangerous. 

“He’s drawing on the Grid, _hard_. I just felt it twanging in the back of my mind. Oh, he’s going to pay for this one. I think we should have Dana on standby for when it hits him.” 

“What do you mean, ‘drawing on the Grid’? You know the rest of us aren’t tuned to it like you are.” Something in RJ’s theoretical knowledge of how Rangers worked, or the fact that he’d had a decade’s worth of training more than Theo and Lily, meant that he was a lot more aware of the effect being Rangers had on them all. Theo couldn’t feel the Grid at all, and sometimes didn’t really believe RJ that he could, and wasn’t just using it as an excuse to get them to do things, but sometimes it was clear that RJ did have insights the rest of them didn’t. Now, he gave RJ a questioning look and waited with badly concealed impatience until he got out of his own head again.

“Dana warned us that he shouldn’t morph too much, or draw on the Power for strength and to speed up his healing, because there could be backlash. So far he’s only morphed once, and I don’t think he’s healing any faster than the Power would normally heal him, physically, but he’s still pulling some kind of strength from it. I can make an educated guess,” RJ’s voice held a promise of violence and enough barely-restrained anger and sorrow that Theo gave him a sharp glare, just in case he decided to act on any of it, “that he’s drawing emotional strength, enough conviction and determination to deal with this - this - this fucking idiotic plan of his!” RJ waved a hand towards the screen, “So he can be civil and calm and convincing with Jarrod instead of either attacking him or running away. I hate it. I hate that he’s doing this. He’s hurting himself, for that waste of space -”

“ _Robert_.” Master Finn didn’t raise his voice, but his tone was enough to stop RJ in his tracks and make Theo suck in a sharp breath. When Master Finn pulled out RJ’s actual name, things were getting deadly serious. “Do we need to go outside again?” 

RJ hesitated, his gaze slowly swinging between his father and the TV. “N-no.” His shoulders slumped and he scrubbed his face again. “I don’t think so.” 

“Alright. Now, calm yourself and stop wasting time and energy. For the hundredth time, this isn’t your call, it’s not yours to decide on or to stop, and you can’t change it. All you can do is wait, and prepare for what will follow, and hope that both Casey and Jarrod are strong enough to pull through this and come out the other side closer to healing.” All this was said very slowly, deliberately but not harshly. Theo swallowed hard; it was hell for RJ, and probably even worse for Casey and at least as bad for Jarrod, but none of them were having an easy time, here. 

“It’s hard, alright? Second hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, to just sit here and let this happen,” RJ replied eventually, after a minute or so of breathing in silence, calming himself. In the other room, meanwhile, Jarrod went back to helping Casey eat, without a word from either of them. Theo noted that Jarrod’s hands were shaking enough that he’d given up on the soup entirely, and focused on the rice.

“I know it is. It’s hard for all of us,” Master Finn agreed. “But you were right, all those weeks ago: this _is_ part of Casey’s path to walk, his destiny. It might have taken a little detour through a nightmare, but he is on the path meant for him, still.” 

“I’m having a hard time accepting that right now, dad.” RJ’s reply was curt, but no longer angry. “It’d better work, that’s all. The damage he’s doing to himself better be worth it.” He shuddered. “Even with the Grid, I’m not sure how he’s doing it.”

“Guess he really, really wants Jarrod to not be Dai Shi’s last victim.” Theo had been thinking about this for a while, and finally decided he’d just have to take Casey’s words at face value. “Any more than he already was, I mean.” RJ turned on him with a glare, but Theo met it steadily, without reacting; he was used to RJ misdirecting his anger by now. “He was as much Dai Shi’s prisoner as Casey was, and for much longer. I’m pretty sure it messed him up, bad.”

Master Finn nodded, across from Theo, and RJ opened his mouth, closed it, and looked away, thoughtful. Theo gave a mental shrug and went back to watching. It looked like Casey and Jarrod had worked out an arrangement with a straw in the broth bowl, that circumvented their unsteady hands issues. In any case, Casey was just pushing himself away from the food.

“That’s it,” he shook his head slightly. “I’m done.” 

“You’ve barely had half of it.” Jarrod frowned, looking down at the bowl. 

“Think you can do better than that?” Casey nodded towards the second bowl of rice and broth on the table, probably gone cold by now, that Jarrod hadn’t touched yet. Jarrod followed his gaze and winced.

“I’m not hungry.”

“You don’t feel hungry, but your body needs food. Go ahead, see if you can manage more than half the bowl. Or - don’t, actually. That was stupid, I’m sorry. You’ll just throw it up again if you eat too much, too fast.” Casey actually looked apologetic, “It shouldn’t be a contest. But you should eat.”

Jarrod poked at the food unwillingly, “I’m really not hungry.” 

“Eat anyway. I wasn’t hungry either. I wish we could have pizza.” 

“Pizza?” Jarrod’s frown deepened. He took a bite of rice, half-hearted. 

“Yeah. Any one of RJ’s specials. I’d even try the Squid Surprise.” Casey smiled a little, “I miss pizza.” 

“I… haven’t had pizza in years. I think. Not since I started at the Academy, anyway. It’s junk food.” Still frowning, Jarrod ate more rice, and it looked to Theo like he wasn’t even noticing doing it - but Casey definitely was.

“It’s the best thing ever, pizza,” Casey countered. “I mean, making it is fine too, I like seeing what goes into food, but eating it? I’m glad we ended up working out of a pizza place.” 

“You did?” Jarrod seemed surprised. “I never knew.” 

“Yeah, and that’s a good thing,” Casey shot back, then clapped a hand to his mouth, eyes widening while Jarrod froze. “Shit. I’m sorry.” 

Jarrod paled a shade or two and gently put his spoon back in the bowl. He held up a hand in a ‘one moment’ gesture and disappeared into the bathroom swiftly. Theo only had Casey’s reaction as clues to what happened there, but from his disappointed, guilty look, he assumed Jarrod did not react well to the sudden reminder of what Dai Shi might’ve done if he’d known where the Rangers lived. 

“Are you going to stay there all night?” Casey asked a few minutes later, when Jarrod didn’t return to the room. There was some kind of reply, to which Casey answered, “you still need to eat. Again. At least have some juice and chocolate and some of that peanut butter stuff.” He looked like he was about to say something else, but stopped when Jarrod returned and sat down again. 

“There’s chocolate?” For the first time since they were rescued, Jarrod looked like he was actually interested in what was happening to him. Casey indicated the table, and Jarrod showed a pale ghost of a smile, which was more than Theo’d seen from him before. 

“If you pass me that bottle of juice and have some peanut butter, you can have the chocolate,”  
Casey offered, and Theo thought that it would be easy enough for Jarrod to just take the chocolate: it wasn’t like Casey could do much to stop him, in his state. However, Jarrod complied meekly, passing Casey the bottle with a straw in it, taking the other for himself, and slowly putting away a heaped spoon of the special kind of peanut butter they’d bought, which came enriched with all kinds of things both Jarrod and Casey probably needed, like vitamins. Once that was done, though, Jarrod went straight for the chocolate and finished it in three bites. An almost blissful expression spread on his face, and Theo giggled, all his tension released in a burst of surprised laughter. At his side, RJ chuckled as well. 

“What is that?” 

Theo jumped about a foot in the air. “Damnit, Camille. Make some _noise_ next time so we remember you’re there.”

“I just did.” There was a wicked kind of gleam in Camille’s eyes, and Theo knew she was making fun of him but didn’t feel like arguing with her just then. “What is that thing he’s eating?”

“That? A chocolate bar,” he replied, trying not to sound annoyed and failing. 

“I… don’t think I’ve had chocolate before.” She tilted her head, watching the screen where Jarrod was working his way through a second chocolate bar. “Is there any more around?”

Introducing Camille to chocolate kept them amused and distracted for a few minutes, but they were back to a wary silence after that, watching the equally silent other room, where the only motion was the occasional shift in position or the turning of pages. 

Lily showed up about an hour later, looking better than she had in the morning and considerably better than Theo felt. She went around the room giving out hugs to everybody - Camille included, to her obvious surprise - ending up with Theo, who got a much longer hug than anybody else. She and Dom had the night shift, and Theo could go home to sleep, but he stuck around as they briefed each other on the events of the day. It was almost cosy and calm enough that Theo could forget that they were on duty, technically, until motion on the screen and Camille’s hiss drew his attention. 

Casey was moving, as much as he could without leaving the bed, shutting down the laptop and clumsily moving a bottle of water to where he could comfortably reach the straw. When Jarrod looked up from his book, Casey gave him a thoughtful look. After another moment of silence, he seemed to reach a decision.

“I think - I’m going to go to sleep. I’m not even sure what time is it, but this is the longest I’ve been awake since I - got back - so - you know.” Jarrod nodded, saving him from having to explain further, and Casey continued, “you should probably sleep too at some point. Just - if I wake up during the night, and I did, the past few nights, so I’m guessing it’ll happen again tonight, I need you to do something, okay?”

“Do what? Jarrod was still wary of any requests, understandably. 

“Don’t try to help,” Casey replied simply. “Don’t say anything, don’t touch me, and whatever you do, don’t be where I can see you until you’re totally sure I’m awake, okay? It’ll be - safer. For both of us.” 

Jarrod frowned, as did Theo - the request was sort of strange, because what was the point of being in the room together for the night if Jarrod couldn’t help? But Lily was nodding at Theo’s side, and Camille’s expression showed her approval as well. 

“Crazy, maybe, but he’s not stupid,” she remarked. At Theo’s questioning look, she added, “Dai Shi used to send him dreams, of being rescued, or breaking out. Then he’d wake up, and still be there. Dai Shi enjoyed those parts.” And Camille herself hadn’t, judging by her tone. 

“When we first rescued him, he wouldn’t believe me it wasn’t a dream,” RJ supplied, looking towards Dom, who nodded in in confirmation. Lily nodded as well and added:

“When he woke up the other night - he dreams he’s back there.”

“So if he wakes up and sees Jarrod, and thinks he’s Dai Shi…” Theo left the thought unfinished, and grimaced at the possible results. All were unpleasant, most were violent, at the very least. 

“Exactly,” Lily agreed. “At least Casey hasn’t manifested the tiger spirit in his sleep yet.” 

“Is that even possible?” What a worrying thought that was. But if it hadn’t happened yet, hopefully it wouldn’t happen at all. 

“If he hasn’t done it yet, it probably won’t happen now,” Lily echoed his thoughts. She patted his shoulder lightly. “You should go home and get some sleep, we’ll hold down the fort here.” 

Theo stood up and stretched, feeling bones shift slightly in his neck and spine. “You sure?”

“Yeah. With both of them in the same room, Dom and I can sleep in shifts.” 

“I’m staying.” RJ didn’t look like he’d welcome any kind of argument, so Theo said nothing. Lily and Master Finn exchanged looks, and then both of them nodded. RJ could sleep there as well as he could at the loft, and probably better here, where he knew he could be woken up if there was any need. 

“I’m staying as well,” Camille added, to nobody’s surprise. 

Theo didn’t linger, after that. He knew that somebody’d need to help Fran open up the next day, and it might as well be him. The loft felt empty and echoing with only him there, but he was too tired to care. Well, too tired to care _much_. It only took a couple of hours of staring at the ceiling and texting back and forth with Lily for him to fall asleep. 

***

A box of pastries in hand, Theo made his way back to Master Finn’s house the next morning. He was later than he’d meant to be, both because he’d overslept and because he’d waited for fresh muffins to come out of the oven at the bakery. Unlike the silence of the previous days, the main room was full of life this morning, with only Lily watching the screens and the noises of breakfast being made drifting in from the kitchen. Unwatched by anybody, Theo dropped a kiss on the top of Lily’s head when he was sure she’d heard him and he wouldn’t startle her. He’d learned the hard way that it was dangerous to try and sneak up on her. 

“Hey.” She didn’t look as tired as the previous morning, either. “Ooh.” He found himself empty handed, with the pastry box open and investigated. “You’re the best, Theo. I mean, eggs and veggies are nice, but carbs are just what I need.”

“Rough night?” He grabbed a muffin while there were still some left. Hearing them talking, Dom and Master Finn joined them, and Camille reappeared from the other room. “Where’s RJ?”

“Not as rough as the past few nights, actually. RJ’s passed out on Master Finn’s bed, he’s been awake for two days straight and sort of quietly collapsed around five,” Dom answered in Lily’s place, reaching over her head to snag a Danish. 

“No meltdowns, no attacks?” 

“Nothing big,” Lily answered this time. “Jarrod managed to do exactly what Casey told him to, and didn’t try to help when Casey woke himself up from nightmares, and Casey couldn’t really do much except talk, when Jarrod woke up. I’m not saying either one of them got much sleep, but they weren’t actively endangering each other during the night.” 

“Good enough.” Theo looked at the screen and saw two blanket-covered mounds on the two beds. With the curtains half-drawn, there didn’t appear to be enough sunlight in the room to wake anyone up, or maybe they just didn’t care, after a broken night, and just wanted to sleep. “Think they’d be up for pastries, or are they still on liquids and rice?”

“Still on a recovery diet.” Master Finn shook his head and removed the box neatly from Dom’s hands, where it had somehow ended up. “Today we might try soft mashed vegetables, Dana said. Peas and carrots, maybe.” 

Theo made a face; that sounded like baby food and not at all appetizing, but he’d seen how both Jarrod and Casey handled - or didn’t handle - food, and figured Dana knew what she was talking about. They’d all be up to muffins and pizza, in time.

“You should head home,” he told Lily and Dom. “I helped Fran get all the prep work started, she said she’ll be fine alone until the lunch rush starts.” Which would give them maybe three hours to sleep, but they’d be able to nap between the lunch and evening shifts, and also they were Rangers: being able to make do with less sleep was part of the package. 

“Think they’ll be done with the experiment today? I mean, Casey didn’t say how long he meant to stay in that room, and…” Theo trailed off, because he just wasn’t sure and _what_ , but there was definitely something there. Having the two of them shut up but on display like that was stressing everyone out. 

“I’m not sure what Casey wants to get to, to be honest,” Lily shrugged and stood up, stretching. “If he wants to get to a point where he’s not afraid to have Jarrod touch him, and Jarrod stops wondering when we’re going to execute him or something, then they’ll be there for a while. If he just wants a few points settled without our interference… they’ll still be there a while. At least a few more days, I think. I guess Casey’ll let us know when they’re ready to leave.”

Master Finn nodded. “Master Lope will be back in about two days to see how Casey’s hands are doing, but he can project himself into the room without having to open the door, so it shouldn’t change much for them.” 

“It’ll make it much easier for both of them, when Casey can use his hands again,” was all Theo said, thinking again with an internal shudder of disgust about being helpless and having your former worst enemy care for your most basic and personal needs. He had no idea how Casey could stand it, even drawing determination from the Grid. 

“I’ll go see about breakfast for the recovering.” Master Finn nodded towards the screen, and headed to the kitchen which allowed Theo, Dom and Lily some time alone, since Camille had again drifted away to the now-empty room she’d shared with Jarrod before. Theo guessed she was willing to trust them a little further this morning, if she agreed to leave Jarrod unsupervised. 

“So, really, how are they? How was the night?”

“We got some sleep, so I guess that’s nice?” Dom pulled a face. “It was mostly quiet, when there wasn’t shouting or crying.” 

Theo winced, “that bad?”

Dom shrugged. “The shouting and crying were about an hour apart every time, at least. Actually, now that I think about it this is the longest stretch either of them has been asleep since last night. Almost two hours.” 

“So they won’t be up for much of anything today. Might be too tired to set each other off,” Lily chimed, ever the optimist. 

“Or they’ll both be cranky and more volatile,” Theo countered, more used to pessimism these days. “But if the cavalry didn’t go charging in yesterday, I doubt we will today, either.” 

“Yeah. Hang in there, I’ll text or call when the lunch rush ends.” Lily sneaked a look at Dom, obviously decided that she didn’t care he was looking, and kissed Theo quickly and hard before she left. It improved Theo’s mood immensely. 

***

A minute later, he was alone in front of the screen. “Should we wait for them to wake up?” he called towards the kitchen, since he didn’t want to abandon his post. 

“I think we should, yes. It’s not like they have a schedule to keep. They didn’t have an easy night, they should get as much rest as they can.” 

“Okay.” Theo had planned in advance and brought a book with him, this time, which he now opened and concentrated on while keeping half an eye on the screen. For another hour, nothing much happened, and then one of the beds showed some kind of movement, which had Theo sitting up and closing his book. He thought it was Jarrod moving, and after a moment this was confirmed, as Jarrod jerked upright with a stifled protest. He blinked, looking around a little wild eyed, but it didn’t look like he planned to cry, so Theo relaxed a bit. It was enough noise to wake Casey up, anyway, and the mound on the other bed rolled over a little. 

“Jarrod?”

“Yeah.” Jarrod looked like crap, even accounting for the picture quality on the screen. He shrugged very slightly in Casey’s direction. “It’s light. Guessing it’s morning.” 

“Uh. It’s after ten.” Casey nodded towards the clock on one wall. “They let us sleep in. Nice of them. I think.” Slowly, painfully, he started moving and stopped with a hissed out breath. “Shit. I can’t -” 

Jarrod scrambled out of bed, almost stumbling over his own feet as he crossed the short distance between the beds - which had been moved sometime during the night, Theo now noticed, so that they were as far apart as they possibly could be. Jarrod got one hand under Casey’s arm, and more or less lifted him up to a sitting position with his other hand bracing Casey’s shoulder. It looked like both of them were less awkward about being near each other, but possibly Casey’s general discomfort at moving swallowed up everything else. 

“Pills?” Jarrod asked shortly, already moving again towards the table and the box of pills and bottle of water there. 

“Pills,” Casey echoed with a nod, “thanks. And then, bathroom.” He made a face, but there was less hesitation before he asked than there had been the previous day. Theo wanted to believe that this was a good sign. 

The painkillers were handled quickly enough; the bathroom trip, less so. Casey seemed slower and stiffer this morning, which Theo figured meant either that he’d spent yesterday riding on adrenaline and was now feeling just how screwed up his body was, or that he’d stopped drawing on the Grid for energy and this was the backlash for it. Possibly it was a combination of the two problems, or something else entirely, but the end result was that Casey could barely walk, and every movement seemed to hurt, enough so that he didn’t seem to mind that Jarrod took most of his weight, going into the bathroom - nor that this time Jarrod didn’t leave him alone there. By the time the two of them reappeared on the screen, Casey looked strained and drawn with more than just pain, and collapsed heavily on the bed. 

“I’m gonna -” Jarrod indicated the bathroom, looking intensely uncomfortable. “Will you be okay?” 

Casey nodded, and Jarrod grabbed towel and clothes and disappeared from the screen again. Left alone on his bed, Casey slowly got himself into a comfortable position, then looked directly at the camera. First, he waved, just a small motion but very definitely meant to call attention to himself. He smiled, but it was a pale and tired sort of smile, for their benefit more than his own. He mimed something, sketching some kind of package or object in the air while moving his arms as little as possible, and indicated his shoulders and knees. Master Finn, watching at Theo’s side, nodded.

“Oh, you got that?” Theo glanced at him. Casey was repeating the motions, to make sure they understood. 

“Yes, and I should’ve thought about it myself. Heat packs, especially if he’s planning to try some physio exercises again today. I have several, just need to heat them up and deliver them with breakfast. They might help loosen his joints a little, smooth out the knots a bit. At the very least, he might be less sore.” 

“Gotcha.” That made sense. Theo remembered heat packs fondly from his earlier days at the Academy, before Ranger healing kicked in. The kind of routine injuries they got in training wasn’t something Casey had a lot of experience with, since he hadn’t had much time to get hurt before they became Rangers - but clearly he was making up for that in spades now, and heat packs would definitely help. “One of us can get RJ’s packs from the loft, if we need more.”

“We’ll see how mine work for him, for now.”

“Okay.” It looked like Casey figured they either got it already or wouldn’t get it at all, because he stopped moving and closed his eyes, drifting off again until Jarrod came out of the bathroom a few minutes later and woke him up again. “I’ll go deliver breakfast?”

“I’ll just get the heat packs in the microwave.” It was still odd to think that the older Masters would even own and use a microwave or a computer or a cell phone, but the truth was that Master Finn wasn’t that much older than Theo’s own parents, and of course they used all of those and then some. Life at the Academy and with the Rangers sometime felt so removed from the real world that flashes of normal life were just… weird. That was why Theo found the pizza parlor so comforting; it forced them to interact with normal people and keep up with things, and after he’d resigned himself to it taking away from their training time, he rather liked it. 

Jarrod looked almost relieved when Theo knocked on the door, which was understandable, given that his arrival broke a ten minute long awkward silence. “Morning.”

“Uh. Morning.” Jarrod wouldn’t look at him, but focused on the tray. “More chocolate? For breakfast?”

“It’s calories and I don’t see any of last night’s delivery left over.” Theo reached for the empty tray and dishes and they made the exchange. “And these are for Casey.” He hefted a bowl full of steaming heat packs. “He’ll know how to use them.”

“I know how to use heat packs too.” Something, just a brief flash of Jarrod’s old arrogance surfaced but was quickly subdued again. “Remember I was at the Academy longer than you were.”

“Yeah, I know.” And he didn’t want to think about that, thank you very much. “You can bring them out when they cool down and we’ll heat them up again, if Casey wants.” 

“Alright.” Jarrod still looked at the floor. Theo raised his voice slightly, calling over Jarrod’s shoulder.

“Everything alright back there, Case?”

“Going great.” There was a faint hint of sarcasm in Casey’s voice, but Theo ignored it. “We’re fine, Theo. Don’t worry about us.” 

“You keep saying that, I’ll keep not believing you. Enjoy breakfast. Lunch. Whatever.” He closed the door and felt very tired suddenly, for so early in the day. 

By the time Theo put himself in front of the screen again, Jarrod was expertly wrapping and placing the heat packs on Casey’s shoulders, at his hips and knees. Casey had his eyes closed and an expression somewhere between pain and bliss on his face, a sharp change from the earlier strain. 

“I’m just gonna - not move for a while. You should eat,” he said, sounding as spaced out as he looked. 

“Yeah.” Jarrod seemed off-balance, and stared at Casey kind of strangely, but he ate, slowly and without enjoying any of it, it seemed to Theo. Well, he did like the chocolate, but the meal-replacement shake and the rice didn’t evoke any kind of reaction, and he looked at the vitamin pills as if they were insects before he took them. “You should eat as well,” he said when he was done. “At least the shake and the supplements.”

“And painkillers. Don’t forget those.”

Jarrod flushed and looked away. “Yeah. That too.” Without saying another word he set up a straw for Casey and put the bottle where he could reach it without moving much, and left him to deal with the rest of it alone. Minutes later, he glanced at him again. “You should take those.” He indicated the small plastic cup that held Casey’s painkillers and supplements. 

Casey studied them for a moment, looked down at his hands, and released a long breath through his nose. “Guess I should. Want to empty that cup into my hand?” That was how they’d done it the day before, with Casey picking the pills off his palm, but today his arm wobbled and he dropped the pile as soon as he tried to bring his hand to his mouth. “Crap. I’m - that’s not gonna work.” He twisted his wrist, letting the pills roll on to the bed with another grimace of pain. “I was better yesterday. Positive thinking, or something. I’ll just skip a day.”

“Of painkillers? That’s not a good idea,” Jarrod countered. 

“Got a better one?”

“Yeah.” Jarrod picked a pill up with two fingers. Casey blanched white as a sheet and drew away, and Jarrod dropped the pill and pulled his hand away sharply with a soft noise of protest. For a long moment, the two men stared at each other while Theo wondered what the hell that was all about, until Jarrod swallowed audibly and took a deep breath.

“Spoon?”

Casey’s first nod was shaky, but he nodded again, more firmly. Jarrod dropped the pills on a spoon and fed them to Casey two by two, with sips of shake to wash them down and a glass of water after. They both slumped when they were done, as if the whole operation had been exceptionally draining. Theo frowned and exchanged glances with Master Finn.

“Camille?” Theo called, and only just managed not to squeak and jump when she appeared not four feet away from him. “Damn, Camille! Didn’t we talk about sneaking around?”

“No.” She gave him a blank, innocent look. 

“Well, we are now. Stop sneaking around, we’re all trained fighters and we’re all on edge, one day you might make RJ jumpy enough that he’ll think you’re attacking him, and that’ll end badly - for both of you.”

“Fine.” She shrugged, and he pushed down the irritation, reminding himself that she wasn’t really used to humans, just like they weren’t used to manifest spirits and demons. “You had a question?”

“Yeah.” He jerked his head towards the screen. “You saw what just happened there. _What_ just happened there?”

“Ah.” She seemed to weigh her words for a moment. “I’m not sure, actually. They don’t seem to have a problem when Jarrod uses a spoon or a fork, so it’s not a helplessness thing. It might be that there wasn’t a spoon this time - Dai Shi tried to get Casey to eat from his hand. It didn’t work as well as he wanted it to, but eventually he got what he wanted. I think they didn’t want to repeat that.”

Theo felt nausea climbing up his throat. “He’s a sick, nasty thing,” was all he could say at first, but after a moment the implications of what Camille had said, and of several incidents over the past days, sunk in. “Wait - Jarrod - he was aware, the whole time? He felt everything?”

“As far as I can tell, yes. I saw him, sometimes, trying to break through. I saw him try to fight Dai Shi and kick him out. It didn’t work - until the one time it did, and once was enough. As soon as he had enough control to give the Red Ranger his tiger spirit back, with Dai Shi already weak - it worked.”

“Why was Dai Shi weak?” Morbid curiosity now, because Theo didn’t really want to know details. Once he knew something he couldn’t un-know it. 

“He feeds on fear, and he only had the Red Ranger to feed on, for weeks. You know him better than I do, Blue Ranger; how afraid do you think he was?”

“Less than was healthy.” But Theo felt a sharp and fierce twist of pride in his friend and leader, that he hadn’t given in to whatever terror he might’ve faced. “Not enough to keep Dai Shi strong?”

“Dai Shi was used to having cities cower before him. One stubborn Ranger wasn’t even close to enough.” She smirked a little. “Dai Shi starved your friend, but you can be sure he returned the favor. Ultimately it worked.” 

“ _Good_.” 

There wasn’t much more to say after that, and Theo didn’t feel much like talking any more. After a short rest, Jarrod and Casey retreated to their own corners again. Jarrod looked like he was trying to sleep, while Casey pushed himself through several physiotherapy exercises, and rested as well. At some point, RJ came out of the bedroom, his hair damp from a shower, and settled next to Theo with a mug of tea and a silent squeeze of his shoulder. Theo nodded his acknowledgement, but didn’t feel like talking, still, so he simply indicated the silent, motionless screen by way of an update, and counted himself lucky that RJ knew when it was okay not to talk. They sat together, quietly. It wasn’t bad. 

Several hours later, Casey pushed himself up to a sitting position again. “Jarrod?”

The other man jerked awake, and Theo jumped slightly as well; the house had been silent for a while, with Master Finn gone to do something or another, Camille still and silent enough that she was easy to ignore or forget, and RJ almost as still, and apparently meditating. Theo was half asleep, himself. 

Jarrod crossed the room to Casey’s side without saying anything. Casey tilted his head a little. “I want to try something. Meditation,” he added, at the question on Jarrod’s face. “We could try - to meditate. And if that works, I have a few physio exercises that need a second person.”

“Oh.” Jarrod’s face showed understanding, which came to Theo a moment later - the exercises would require Jarrod to touch Casey, possibly to do things that would hurt, and it’d help if they were both as calm and centered as they could be, for that. “Okay. We can try. Um -” he looked around. Casey shifted on the bed, pulling himself up. 

“Sit there? And - help me get my legs where they need to be.” It took some doing and some muffled swearing, but they both got on the bed in more or less the right pose for meditation. “You lead.”

“Me?” Jarrod’s eyes widened, “But -”

“But what? You’ve got years more experience at this than I do. I’m sure you remember it. You lead.” 

Still looking uncertain, Jarrod nodded slowly and started up the simplest mantra. Casey, who’d closed his eyes, opened one. “This isn’t the baby class, Jarrod. You can try the more advanced stuff.”

“Let’s see how we do with the baby class stuff first, okay? I - I haven’t done this in a year. Not physically. It was a good way to - uh - pass the time. To go away in my head.”

“Yeah,” Casey’s reply was only a little bitter. “It did help.” 

For a moment the look they exchanged made the hair on the back of Theo’s neck stand on end. It was a look of shared understanding, of a shared experience with the need to escape into their own heads, under circumstances that were both different and very similar. Jarrod nodded, very slightly, and started the simple chant again. Casey joined him after a moment. Theo let the steady chanting lull him into a calmer state, but it looked like the two in the other room weren’t doing as well. Casey was fidgeting, his face far from the neutral repose that meditation should have generated, and Jarrod’s voice wavered on occasion, his fingers twisting in the fabric of his trousers. They both seemed to crack more or less at the same time, and their eyes snapped open, both looking unhappy.

“Neither one of them’s steady enough to lead the other on this,” RJ muttered at Theo’s side. Theo’d been sneaking sideways looks at him for a while, but RJ hadn’t really reacted in any way to the conversation in the room. He was definitely less volatile, after some sleep, but Theo thought it was wiser not to comment on that. 

“Not working for you either, huh?” Casey asked ruefully. Jarrod shook his head and looked away. “Yeah. We’ll try again tomorrow.”

“We’ll still be here tomorrow?”

“We’ll be here as long as we need to be.” 

“Which is how long, exactly?” Jarrod seemed a little worried, unsurprisingly. Casey frowned.

“As long as we need to stop being afraid, I told you already.”

Jarrod hesitated, and Theo could see him bracing himself before he spoke again. “What if we don’t stop being afraid for weeks? Or months? You -” he swallowed hard, “What happened - it doesn’t take days to recover from that.” He looked down and away. 

“What about you?” Casey sounded remarkably calm. “How long does it take to recover from what you’ve been through?”

That question left Jarrod a bit at a loss. He kept staring at the floor off to one side, and finally he shrugged, “dunno.” He licked his lips and opened his mouth a few times, but said nothing. 

“I can see there’s a thought somewhere there. Say what you’re thinking.” 

“What -” Jarrod’s voice cracked, and he cleared his throat and continued, “What if I don’t _want_ to recover?”

“You wanna keep being afraid to look at anybody? At yourself?” Casey snorted. “Then you’re an idiot.”

Theo swore and then looked around guiltily, but Camille didn’t seem fazed and RJ didn’t even look at him. He ran a nervous hand through his hair. “Is Casey _trying_ to start a fight?”

“Maybe he is,” Camille looked more intrigued than worried by the idea. “Maybe they should fight. Watch.” She redirected his attention to the screen, where Jarrod stared at Casey, looking a little stunned.

“Really? That’s what you have to say? That I’m an idiot?”

“Yup. If you want to keep being afraid of everything and everyone, including yourself, you’re an idiot. Or crazy. Nobody sane wants to be afraid forever.” 

“Oh, you’re one to talk about sanity.” Jarrod gestured at the room around them, “this is sane?”

“At least I’m trying to make things better.” It looked like Casey tried to gesture as well, but pulled himself short with a grimace of pain. “Damnit. You know if we let you, you’d hide away from the world, or kill yourself - and I told you already that I won’t allow that.”

“What gives you the right to allow or not allow anything?” There was actual challenge in Jarrod’s voice, and some color in his face, which Theo tried to tell himself was a good thing and not at all scary or worrying. 

“The Power does. It’s my job to stop Dai Shi from killing people. It’s my job to stop him from hurting anybody more than he already has. To stop him. You’re part of my job - is that easier for you to get than the fact that you’re a human being and I don’t want to see you destroy yourself over this?”

Jarrod was quiet for a long time, long enough that Master Finn joined them and grabbed a chair. When Jarrod spoke it was quietly enough that Theo wasn’t sure he heard him right. “I’m still not sure why you don’t just kill me yourselves.” 

“For a start, because we aren’t killers,” for someone who was explaining this for the third time in a few days, Casey sounded quite patient. “You’re a human being; Rangers don’t kill humans. Besides, it’s not our job to judge, alright? And I told you already - if we kill you, if you kill yourself, Dai Shi wins.” He took a deep breath, and Theo felt a frisson of danger running up his spine, because maybe Casey was about to answer Jarrod’s question from the previous day, which meant that Theo wasn’t looking at the screen but at RJ, ready to stop him in case he went off again. “The other day, when you said - what you said. Were you trying to get RJ to kill you?”

Even though he’d known Casey was about to ask something to that effect, Theo hissed out a breath between his teeth. “Does he have to ask that?”

“He thinks he does.” RJ sounded oddly calm. Given the subject, Jarrod looked pretty calm as well.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Jarrod made a brief, ineffectual motion with one hand. “I thought, if I got him angry enough - if they all knew what I’d done -”

“ _That wasn’t you._ ” Casey didn’t raise his voice, but it cracked like a whip and Jarrod flinched. “I swear to god, if you say that again I’ll morph and kick you into next week.” He stopped, breathing hard, and thumped the mattress with one hand, “Okay. Let’s start right from the beginning, alright? I’m going to ask you some questions, and you’re going to answer, honestly. Clear?”

Jarrod, looking cowed, nodded.

“Back when it all started, did you plan to free Dai-Shi? Did you knock the box over on purpose, to let him out?”

Jarrod frowned, thrown by the question, “I - no. I had no idea what would happen. I was just so angry -” he was flushed, with shame or anger or something else, and he looked down at his fingers, which were holding on to Casey’s blanket like it was all that was holding him there. “I didn’t even think. I just wanted to show Master Mau he was wrong.”

“Why?” 

“What do you mean, why?”

“I mean, why did you come back? Why were you angry?” 

“You know why.” Jarrod was breathing hard as well, both men staring at each other, completely focused. Theo forced himself to take deep, steady breaths; bad enough if the two in the room drove themselves into hyperventilation without their audience doing the same.

“Tell me anyway,” Casey instructed, implacable. Jarrod laughed, a bitter bark, and shrugged.

“Because an idiot week-old cub just got the spot I’d worked my ass off for seven years, trying to get. You were nothing, and Master Mau was wrong.” He caught himself short, and shook his head hard. “I thought he was wrong, then.” 

Casey only nodded, slowly, “So you didn’t mean for Dai-Shi to be freed, right?”

“I didn’t. But -”

“No buts. Did you pull him in, when the box opened? Did you offer yourself as a vessel for him?”

“ _No_.” Jarrod shivered, and Theo wondered whether he was going to be sick; he certainly looked like it was possible, slowly curling into himself. “God, no. I never meant - I didn’t want -” He shook his head again. “He just came at me. Into me,” his face twisted. “I don’t want to talk about it. Please.” 

“We’re not done. Did you have any control over what your body did, while Dai-Shi was in it? Any way to stop him using you?”

“N-no.” 

“Did you like having him there? All that power, almost unlimited, all those people fearing you, respecting you? The Beast Lords at your beck and call, I bet that was nice.” 

Theo had never heard that sort of tone from Casey, and wasn’t sure he wanted to keep seeing this. It was too harsh, too cruel - too much, maybe. He must’ve moved, because suddenly RJ’s hand was on his arm. “Breathe, Theo.” RJ’s eyes were too bright, and the wolf spirit made a purplish aura around him. 

“Why is he doing that? Why not just leave it?” It would’ve been easier to get up and go away and not have to hear this, but loyalty and pride kept Theo there. He wouldn’t run away, no matter how horrible, how crazy it all was. 

“Because he needs to know, I guess. Maybe we all need to know - Jarrod, too.” 

In the room, Jarrod didn’t answer for a long time. He’d drawn into himself, knees pulled up to his chest, head down against them, leaning against the wall on Casey’s bed as far away from him as he could be. 

“Answer me, Jarrod. Did you like it?”

“Yes.” It was barely a word, more like a sound dragged up from somewhere deep in Jarrod’s chest. “For a minute, I liked it. For a second, there was so much power -” his voice hitched and skipped, but he struggled on, “and then he killed Master Mau, and there was nothing I could do to stop him. I - I _liked_ Master Mau. He’d been - my teacher - for years. He liked me - I think. Up until that moment, maybe. And my hands killed him. Dai-Shi used all that power, to kill him.” Casey was silent now, and let him talk, “And then - the things he did. All the time. He was always sure everybody was undermining him, that everybody was working behind his back - he wasn’t wrong, but that sort of suspicion, the anger, all the time - he was never calm. Never. He - he killed people, and sent his monsters, and he enjoyed every second of it. People being afraid of him was - like a drug. Like sex. I don’t know. He felt all those things and I tried not to feel them but I couldn’t and it made me sick, okay? After that one second, I realized what he was, how fucking crazy he was - and I couldn’t get him out.” The words trailed off into a ragged sob, and Theo jerked away from RJ’s grip, which had become way too tight. His own hands were clenched as well, nails digging into his palm.

“I’m gonna be sick.”

“No you aren’t.” RJ’s voice anchored him, for all that the older Ranger didn’t sound anything like steady, himself. “We need to hear this.” And maybe they did. Maybe they needed to know how much Jarrod hated himself, so they could stop hating him, themselves.

“You tried to get him to stop? You tried to get him out of your head?” How Casey was still talking so calmly, Theo had no idea. He glanced at RJ and mimed pulling on a string, and RJ nodded grimly, confirming that Casey was drawing on the Grid again. It took Jarrod a moment to collect himself enough to answer, and when he did his voice was thick, barely understandable. 

“You know I did.” He cleared his throat and repeated it. “You know I tried. I fought him - whenever I could. Every time he was distracted, I tried. I was too weak. I wasn’t good enough. He kept doing horrible, terrible things and I couldn’t stop him.”

“But you tried, Jarrod,” Casey’s voice was almost gentle now, but it was clear he wasn’t done yet. “In the end, you succeeded. You’re here, now, talking to me, which means you made it.”

“Too late,” Jarrod spoke into his knees, but then raised his head slightly, and looked at Casey for the first time in long minutes. “I was too late. I tried to push him out, when you came to the Citadel. I was _so close_ , and I failed. Every time I tried, I failed, until _you_ made him too weak. I tried to stop him. I swear.” Tears were running freely down his face, twisted in true anguish, “I’m sorry - I’m so, so sorry.”

“I know you are. I know you tried. I could feel you trying, sometimes.” Casey was no longer entirely steady, either, his voice wavering slightly. “When Dai-Shi- when he hit me. When he - raped me -” Casey swallowed convulsively twice before he got the word out, and Theo heard a muffled snarl, and wasn’t sure whether it came from himself or from RJ, “you were fighting him the whole time.”

“He was just distracted enough that I could try. I almost made it - but - but I didn’t. It _hurt_. And then he made me feel every sick, twisted bit of joy he felt and - fuck.” Jarrod scrambled off the bed and rushed to the bathroom again. Casey rolled over on his side, hiding his face from the camera, but they could hear him sobbing and Theo was definitely going to bruise where RJ was holding on to him again, and he was pretty sure they were both crying as well, and he didn’t fucking care. 

It took several minutes for Casey to push himself back up again somehow. During those minutes, Theo got himself more or less under control, and between them he and Master Finn managed to calm RJ down a little, too. He stopped glowing purple, at least. 

“Jarrod. We’re not done yet.” Casey wiped his eyes roughly with the back of one sleeve, and looked towards the bathroom. “We’re almost finished, I promise. Get back here.” 

“How is he still going on? _Why_ is he still going on?” Theo wondered as RJ, for lack of a better description, whined in misery. 

“If he doesn’t finish it he may never get the chance again,” Master Finn answered and drew RJ into a hug. “And leaving it unfinished would be worse than not doing it at all.” 

It seemed like Jarrod said something in the bathroom, out of their hearing, because Casey wet his lips quickly and made a summoning motion with his hand. “No, we’re done when I say we’re done. We can finish it with you on the floor there, but it won’t be nearly as comfortable. Come out here.” 

Slowly, with small, stiff and weary steps, Jarrod made his way to the bed again. He looked exhausted and distraught and desperately unhappy. “What else is there to say, Casey?”

Casey took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Theo could see him gathering strength for what he really hoped would be a final push. “True or false answers, now. I’ll make it easier. You didn’t mean to have Dai-Shi possess you.”

“True.” 

“You tried your hardest to stop him, but he’s stronger than you are, and you couldn’t stop him.” 

“T-true.” 

“Dai-Shi used your body to do terrible things: he hurt people, he killed people, he terrorized a city. True?”

“You know it’s true! Why are you doing this?”

“Because I know it’s true, and I need you to know it’s true, too. Because Dai-Shi is a ten thousand years old demon, and _of course_ you couldn’t beat him alone!” Casey stopped himself and held up a hand for a moment, “back to the questions. You didn’t enjoy any of the things Dai-Shi did, correct?”

“Yes.”

“In fact, you hated every second of it.”

“I was - terrified. Of what he’d do next.”

“Uh uh. True or false answers, Jarrod. You hated it?”

“I hated it.”

“Alright. This is important. Was any of it - any of it, Jarrod - the killing, the destruction, what Dai-Shi did to me, was any of it your idea?”

“ _No!_.” 

“Did you _want_ to do any of it?”

“ _No!_ Please, Casey -”

“Shut up. So, you didn’t want to do it, you were a passenger in your own head, and none of it was your idea, right?”

“Yes.” 

“So none of it was your fault, Jarrod. None of it. You couldn’t know it would happen, you had no idea and no intention and couldn’t stop it - and you tried to, once you knew. So I can’t blame you for it. No -” He held up a hand again when Jarrod opened his mouth, “You were arrogant, and a bully, and an asshole, and your arrogance got you caught up with Dai-Shi in your head. But you weren’t a killer, Jarrod, and you aren’t a killer now. D’you understand me?”

Jarrod was shaking his head, slowly, and Casey sighed. 

“What Dai-Shi did _isn’t your fault_. If I have to say that every couple of hours for a month until you start believing me, I’ll do that, if that’s what it takes. You set him free - you didn’t mean to, but it was still something you caused, alright? But the things he did afterwards? You had no way of knowing that would happen. Hell, you weren’t even _there_ when Master Mau explained about the Beast War. You can’t be held responsible for the actions of a crazy, ancient, evil demon. Is any of this getting through?”

Jarrod shrugged, “I don’t have to agree with you.”

“You don’t. But you’d be wrong, and you’ll be giving him that final victory. Or you could do worse. Of all the things you’ve done, or that Dai-Shi used your body to do, if you ask me there’s only one thing that would’ve been unforgivable.” At Jarrod’s questioning look, Casey’s tone softened again, but his face stayed stern. “If you’d gotten RJ angry enough to kill you. That, I wouldn’t have been able to forgive. Everything else, but not that.” 

Jarrod opened and closed his mouth several times, and then shut it and pressed his lips together, silent for a several long heartbeats. Finally, he asked, “why? Everything I’ve done - everything Dai-Shi did - and you wouldn’t have been able to forgive me for dying?”

“For turning a good man into a killer,” Casey corrected, and his tone was chilly again. At Theo’s side, RJ let out another soft whine, muffled by Master Finn’s shirt where RJ’s face was still buried against his shoulder. “Because you were too much of a coward to deal with the consequences of what you did, or what Dai-Shi did, indirectly because of you, you were willing to let RJ live the rest of his life with the guilt of having killed you. That’s selfish, and cowardly, and I’m willing to give you the fact that you were too out of your mind to think straight or consider anybody except yourself - but also, if you’d done it, it would’ve been all your decision. Your call, your control; not Dai-Shi. So yeah- that, I wouldn’t have been able to forgive. But all the rest? Everything Dai-Shi did? That’s on him. Not you. Especially everything he did to _me_. I’m the idiot who walked into the demon’s citadel. And while he had me? Jarrod, I had more ways to fight him than you did. We both did our best, you got that?”

There was another long silence, stretching into seconds, almost to a full minute. Again, Theo reminded himself not to stop breathing. 

“You really believe that?” It was a very good question, Theo had to admit, because what Casey was saying sounded too good to be true. Casey attempted a shrug and aborted it mid-motion with a grimace.

“My rational mind does. The rest of me… it’ll take a while,” he admitted. “I might hate you at least a bit, later - when we do physio. And I’ve been kicking myself for being an idiot for a while, so it’s kind of become a habit. But I’m trying really hard to convince all of me, including the parts that can’t remember anything except what it was like in that cell, that it’s not you I should be angry with or scared of. Think you can try to do the same?”

“I’m totally right to be scared of you.” Jarrod was still shaky, but the humor was a welcome relief, and Casey dug up a grin from somewhere. 

“I couldn’t hurt a fly even if I wanted to, right now. And I don’t want to hurt you, so you’re pretty safe. You think you deserve some kind of punishment for what you did?”

Jarrod hesitated, but only for a moment, before nodding, “yeah.”

“Checking out is running away. It’s avoiding consequences, not dealing with them. You said your life was mine; d’you still think it is?”

“Yeah. You saved me, in a way. I owe you.”

“Okay. So here’s your punishment: live your life. Stick around, go back to the Academy if you like, or hang out with us, or find a job. Help rebuild what Dai-Shi destroyed. I have a whole team of Rangers who’ll help you. The one thing you’re not allowed to do is try to run away, temporarily or permanently. Do you accept?” Casey stared at Jarrod intently, but Theo could see he was losing steam, starting to fade a little. He hoped Jarrod would accept, and this would finally be over. 

Jarrod was teary-eyed again when he nodded; this time there was almost no pause for thought. “I accept. If - if you can try to forgive me, I guess I might be able to try to forgive myself. Eventually. Maybe.”

“That’s - all I’m asking.” Casey stopped mid-sentence to yawn, and grimaced, “Crap. Sorry. Kinda tired.” He twitched suddenly and made a surprised sort of noise. “Oh, you have _got_ to be kidding me.” He lifted his right arm carefully, and shook it a few times so his sleeve fell back towards his elbow, “No, really, they’ve _got_ to be kidding.” He was already giggling weakly before Theo noticed the black claw marks now decorating his forearm. 

“No, seriously?” It was a vicious sort of irony - or was it poetic justice? Theo stared at the screen, at the Master stripes on Casey’s arm, as next to him RJ started laughing as well, shaky and broken-sounding. In the room, Casey’s giggles turned into slightly hysterical laughter that was pretty close to crying. Jarrod seemed to be entirely speechless. The only one of them who wasn’t at all surprised was Master Finn, who was actually smiling a little. “You knew this would happen?”

“I’d hoped,” Master Finn nodded. “This is Casey’s path, and this is where it led. I think things might get better, from here on. Slowly, but they’ll get better.”

Theo decided he needed another drink. 

***  
They were all drained after that, in the locked room and out of it. Master Finn sent Theo to rest, and when Theo returned three hours later, feeling much better, Casey and Jarrod hadn’t moved much from where they’d both fallen asleep on Casey’s bed. RJ was sitting alone in front of the screen, reading, and he looked up and waved one hand in Theo’s direction. 

“Hey. Everything alright?”

“Yeah, good,” Theo nodded. “In there?”

“Quiet,” RJ shrugged. He looked exhausted, and accepted Theo’s offer of replacing him without arguing. Camille joined him not long after, and both of them were still watching later in the evening, when Lily and Dom showed up to replace them. 

“I don’t think they need to be watched much, anymore.” Theo caught the two of them up on the day’s events. “I think they’re pretty much done fighting, for now.”

“Good. A quiet night would be nice,” Dom smiled a little. No one was really tired, since Theo had had his nap and Dom and Lily rested between peaks of clients at the pizza parlor, so they sat within view of the screens and just talked for a while. Master Finn produced a Monopoly box from somewhere, and then proceeded to clean them all out in record time. They were distracted by the game, so Theo nearly jumped out of his skin when the door opened just after midnight, and Jarrod stepped out cautiously. 

“Um. I’m - I know I shouldn’t be out yet because - I mean - it’s an emergency. I think.” He looked worried and spoke quickly, his eyes skittering between them. “I can’t wake Casey up.” 

“Is he breathing?” RJ was on his feet before any of them, and moving, but Jarrod nodded quickly and took a step back, avoiding RJ’s headlong rush into the room beyond.

“He’s breathing, he’s not cold, but I can’t get him to wake up. I - I thought we needed to drink something, and - and I couldn’t wake him up. I think it counts as an emergency.” 

“It does. Sit down?” Master Finn took charge of Jarrod, so Theo made a beeline to join RJ, followed by Dom and Lily. 

Casey was where he’d been before - in bed, propped up on pillows. RJ shook him a little, stroked his face, but there wasn’t even a twitch in response. “Pulse?”

“Slow, but there,” Lily reported, and RJ straightened. 

“Either really deep sleep, or he’s unconscious. He’s overextended himself, now he’s dealing with the consequences. He might sleep for days.” 

“Do we have days? Dai Shi’s still out there.” Dom looked a little worried, but he was looking at RJ, not at Casey, gauging his reaction. So far, it was a pleasantly calm one, given RJ’s general attitude when it came to Casey recently. Theo guessed that the fact that RJ kept one hand on Casey’s shoulder, his fingers curled around bare skin under his shirt collar, helped some. 

“We haven’t heard anything about him trying anything yet. I think we’d better give Casey as long as we can.” Lily looked down at him, her lips drawn into a tight, worried line. “RJ, can you call Dana? She might know what we can do for him.” 

“I’ll get you the number.” It didn’t look like RJ had any intention of moving away, now that he could be close enough to Casey to touch him, and Theo felt more comfortable out of the room, in any case. By the time he returned with the phone, Lily had opened the room’s one window to the night air, and Dom was back in the main room with Jarrod and Camille, who were huddled in a corner, talking in quick, nervous whispers. Theo wondered whether Jarrod even noticed the screen showing a live feed of the room, and what he might say if and when he discovered that he’d been on display the entire time. With that in mind, and now that the door was open, Theo casually turned the camera off and then strolled back outside and did the same to the screen. 

“We should get something to eat,” he told the room in general, and was immediately seconded by Dom. This got them both ‘volunteered’ to be in charge of a midnight snack, which kept him busy for a while, and by the time they had scrambled eggs and sandwiches for everybody, RJ had finished with his phone call, and Jarrod was curled up on the couch, with Camille at his side, and sipping a protein shake. He waved off the offer of real food, but accepted a chocolate bar from Dom without argument. He still seemed wary around them, but not as much like a hunted animal as he had been. 

“Dana says let him sleep,” RJ reported as he grabbed a plate. “If we can get him up for a few minutes to eat something tomorrow, that would be good. She’ll try to stop by sometime tomorrow, just in case we need to hook him up to an IV until he comes around. Until then, just keep an eye on him and we should be alright.” 

Since RJ didn’t look worried, Theo decided he’d try to calm down as well. His nerves were more than a little frayed, and hopefully they’d get a few quiet days to relax before they needed to deal with any more explosions. He ate his eggs and set the board up for another round of Monopoly, and, and if he kept half an eye on Jarrod and half an ear of Casey’s room, well, he wasn’t alone in that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two confessions- the first is that this is a Jarrod story at least as much as it's a Casey story, and the second is that my version of Casey is somewhat influenced by two decades of reading very good Cyclops fic. This chapter is dedicated to those writers who inspired me, who are too many to list.
> 
> Warnings- angst, piles of angst; mentions of non-con and suicidal thoughts; potentially self-harming behavior but little actual harm. Also, this chapter is a short novella in itself, as is the next one. Didn't feel right splitting it into parts.


	7. Epilogue- Jarrod

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the final fight, Jarrod starts his journey on the long, hard road to some kind of a life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Several notes, since this one is- well, it's the end of the story. 
> 
> 1\. Yes, it's long enough to be a stand-alone story, but I chose not to break it up and not to post it separately, because it's still part of the overall narrative.
> 
> 2\. This story started as a fix-it to the way Jungle Fury ended, where my main thought was 'this was too easy'. Therefore, this one isn't easy. However, the JF kids are much nicer than actual people would probably be, and the alternate title of this story was Friendship Is Magic. 
> 
> 3\. Trigger warnings...food issues, depression, anxiety attacks, suicidal thoughts, discussion of all that's been previously discussed, food issues. 
> 
> 4\. My gratitude to Hagar972 and to Sailor Sol for their kind permission to use their fanon in which Zack Taylor became the Rangers' resident psychologist. 
> 
> 5\. Finally, everlasting thanks to people who've listened to me go on endlessly about this story over the past year, supported me, beta read bits or the whole damn thing. It's been a mad ride, and I hope you've enjoyed it at least as much as I have.
> 
> __________

There was no time for pain  
No energy for anger  
The sightlessness of hatred  
slips away  
Walking through empty streets  
alone  
He stops and take a breath  
Of confidence and self-  
control 

I look at the world and see no  
understanding  
I'm waiting to find some sense  
of strength  
I'm begging you from the  
bottom of my heart to show  
me understanding 

I need to live life  
Like some people never will  
So find me kindness  
Find me beauty  
Find me truth  
When temptation brings me to  
my knees  
And I lay here drained of  
strength  
Show me kindness  
Show me beauty  
Show me truth 

\- Learning To Live, Dreamtheater

In the end, Dai Shi’s final defeat was astonishingly fast, and entirely anticlimactic. For an ancient entity who destroyed cities on a whim and snuffed out life without thought, it took surprisingly little to bring him to his final end. That Jarrod was even there had been little more than accident. 

Before it happened, though, Casey slept for three days straight, recovering from overextending himself, or drawing on the Grid too much. Lily explained it to Jarrod, more or less: the whole Grid, Power and Color interplay thing, but he still didn’t entirely understand it. He did understand that somehow, it was his fault that Casey had pushed himself so hard, too hard, because they were both messed up in bad ways. None of the others blamed him - out loud and to his face, at least - but Jarrod could guess, from veiled looks and hushed conversations, that they knew it was his fault. And besides, he didn’t need the Rangers to make him guilty, he felt guilty enough on his own, with no help from them. 

Still, in those three days he made a real effort not to hide from them, not to jump at shadows, and not to give in to the waves of guilt and misery and despair that snuck up on him several times an hour and made him want to crawl under a rock and never come out. He was left mostly to his own devices, under Camille’s watchful eyes, and nobody bothered him outside of mealtimes, when _everyone_ badgered him to eat. Fortunately, chocolate counted as eating, and in those three days Jarrod managed to get himself up to soft boiled eggs, yogurt and mashed potatoes, all of which were at least more interesting than broth. He stayed at Master Finn’s house, reading, resting, sitting outside for hours, safe behind the fence, and watching the sea, reaching for something like peace and never grasping it. The sea helped a bit. 

Dana stopped by to look in on Casey and reassure the others that it was just exhaustion and emotional backlash, and he mainly needed rest and quiet and to avoid overextending himself again. She put him on an IV for nutrients and liquids, showed Lily and RJ how to take care of him otherwise, and told them to update her once a day on how things were going. Jarrod also saw her slipping a business card into RJ’s hand before she left, and telling him to call that person when Casey woke up, and maybe he’d be able to help. When Jarrod managed to sneak a look at the card he saw it was for a clinical psychologist, and had to go away and breathe for a while, until his mind stopped spinning in tight panicky circles. Obviously it would be someone who knew about Rangers - and the more Jarrod found out about them, the more he realized how little Dai Shi had really known - and what a good thing his ignorance had been. He wasn’t sure if the thought of any of them talking to a shrink was more terrifying or more of a relief, and eventually decided it could be both. All this happened before Casey woke up.

When he eventually woke up, after three days, it was because Lily forced the issue - or rather, Dai Shi made a comeback, and forced Lily to wake Casey up, which none of them wanted to do, but had no choice about, with the dragon demon back and terrorizing the town - again. They had just enough time to remove the casts from Casey’s hands - and the small yet important comfort that between Master Lope’s work and the Grid kicking into high gear, he could use them, more or less. More physiotherapy, but for now, as he said, he was good to fight. Just in time. 

Jarrod had tried not to think about what he’d do if (when) Dai Shi came back, once they found out he wasn’t really dead. It was too scary of a thought to face, and when the attack came and he couldn’t avoid the thought any longer, he found himself hiding behind two closed doors before conscious thought had a chance to step in at all. He wasn’t even entirely aware of what he was doing until Camille was shaking him by the shoulder, then jumping back lightly when he flailed an arm in her direction. He knew she’d been saying his name for a while before he finally focused on her, and realized he was huddled in the shower in the room he’d been given, in the furthest corner. He should’ve been embarrassed by his display of weakness, maybe, but the overwhelming terror left no room for any other emotion, even embarrassment. 

“Jarrod!” Camille’s voice was sharp, which helped, actually. “Pull yourself together. The Rangers are heading out, and they need our help.”

“I can’t help them. I’ve done enough damage already, they don’t need me around there!” He couldn’t handle the thought of facing Dai Shi again. His brain refused to cooperate. Camille shook him hard by one shoulder - she was stronger than she looked, he kept forgetting that - and he made himself look at her through eyes blurred with panic. “I _can’t_ , Camille. What if - what if he -” God, that was the wrong thing to try to think about. Fortunately, Jarrod was already close to the toilet and managed to maneuver himself so he didn’t throw up on the floor. Camille waited patiently until he was done retching, and filled a cup of water for him. 

“What if he what? Tries to take over your body again?”

That prompted a new round of heaving, this time bringing up nothing but spit and bile, but Jarrod managed to nod through the shudders. He couldn’t risk Dai Shi possessing him again, wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle it again without what was left of his mind shattering, and just imagining it, the loss of control, the terror, made all of him rebel. Camille was stroking his back in an oddly human gesture, and he wondered, in an abstract sort of way, where she’d learned it. Maybe from the Rangers. 

“The Red Ranger said you don’t need to face Dai Shi - you don’t even need to go near him. They’ll deal with him, and he asked us to take care of anything he sends out to the town, if he still has a few Rin Shi under his command. They need our help with that, so they can focus on Dai Shi and end him, for good.” She touched his face, using one finger under his chin to make him look at her. “He said that this is your chance to start making up for the damage you think you caused.”

“He - Casey’s awake?” That was surprising enough that Jarrod forced himself out of the fugue of fear, for a moment. “He wasn’t, a few minutes ago.”

“No, but apparently they have an internal alarm thing, part of being Rangers, and the Yellow Ranger woke him up pretty easily. He woke up faster for a fight than he did for food yesterday.” Camille’s voice made it clear that she still thought that the Rangers as a group, and Casey in particular, were crazy. “They need your help, Jarrod,” she repeated, and he pulled his head back until he could look away from her again.

“I can’t.” He couldn’t face the thought of leaving the house, never mind going into town and fighting. 

“I guess I can at least be glad you aren’t suicidal at the moment, or you’d be running into the fight,” there was faint sarcasm in Camille’s tone which made her words just a little less hurtful. “You can stay here, I’m sure the Rangers can handle themselves - but I’m going to help them. Showing I’m on their side can’t hurt, right?” 

She was right: he needed to demonstrate that he was on their side, even if it scared him. He was pretty sure Casey had to be terrified as well, going out to face Dai Shi again - and if he wasn’t now, it meant he’d pay for it later, just as he had for sticking himself in a room with Jarrod for a few days. “This is all my fault, Camille.”

“Not all, just part of it.” Camille never did believe in sugarcoating things. This once he found it comforting. “But it’s a part you can start making up for. Go on.” 

He went on. He closed all the fears in a small box in his head and ignored it for a while, even though his hands were shaking and his vision blurred and tension coiled in his neck and shoulders so he was sore before he ever got to the fight. In the end, he discovered that letting loose with moves his body remembered well enough even if his mind wasn’t coping actually felt good. Lost in the fight, he forgot fear and guilt and channeled his anger and self-loathing into taking apart the dozen or so Rin Shi who were taking pot-shots at people in the plaza. He didn’t take in the width of the sky above him or the noise of the battle going on above their heads, not until the wave of energy knocked them all flat. Jarrod’s ears were ringing from an explosion he’d felt more than heard, and the Rin Shi blinked out of existence, lost without their master.

Dai Shi was gone, for good this time. 

The others found him in a playground where the last of the fighting on the ground had taken place. He wasn’t even aware he was on the ground until they had him surrounded, and for a brief moment wild hope and fear surged in him, that maybe, now that it was over, they’d kill him after all. Only for a moment, though, because Dom reached down a hand to pull him to his feet, and Jarrod swiped a hand over his eyes quickly, which didn’t help at all, and let himself be pulled. The Rangers were all unmorphed - deactivated, he thought, now that the threat they’d been brought together to handle was gone - and RJ was carrying Casey, who looked more than half dead. At his gesture and questioning noise, Dom shrugged tiredly.

“He held on as long as he had to, but he doesn’t anymore, and - the Power’s already leaving us, a bit. It’ll keep fading over the next few weeks, we were told. He’s breathing, but I’m pretty sure that’s the most he’s capable of right now. But he’ll be okay.” He sounded very sure of that, so Jarrod accepted it. “Hey, Jarrod?” Jarrod looked up, and suddenly Dom was grinning, a brilliant, cheerful smile, “We _won_ , Jarrod. He’s gone and he’s never coming back.”

“... yeah.” Was all Jarrod managed, and even that took several endless seconds of trying to form a thought. They’d won. Dai Shi was gone forever. He would never come back. Suddenly Dom’s grip was all that was keeping Jarrod upright. Lily moved to his other side to help hold him up as well. 

“We won. Now let’s go home.” 

He couldn’t have stayed behind if he’d wanted to, and as Jarrod trailed behind them, tugged along by two soon-to-be-former Rangers, he discovered that he didn’t want to; that he liked the idea of going home.

***

Being ‘home’ wasn’t as easy as saying it, of course. For the first week or so after the final battle, everyone were walking around like they were still waiting for something to happen, a little lost, a lot tired. Somehow they all stayed on at Master Finn’s instead of going back to the loft, and although they all agreed that it was a temporary situation, no one but RJ brought up the option of leaving, and RJ wouldn’t leave Casey’s side so the whole point became moot and stopped coming up fairly quickly.

First, they all slept for a couple of days; the Rangers were exhausted by their battle, and Jarrod found that sleep was about all he could handle in terms of decision-making and human interaction. Casey was completely out again, and again Dana put him on an IV because he couldn’t be woken up even to eat. Jarrod did wake up to eat, he even left his room once or twice, as long as he knew no one would bother him. He only spoke with Camille, and that not often, and the others left him alone, for now. He didn't know whether they were busy or distracted or just didn’t want to crowd him, but he appreciated the end result, anyway. Camille made him eat twice a day, and he forced himself to get up and walk around a bit, usually late at night when everybody was asleep and wouldn't try to start a conversation, or wonder why he was awake. 

After a week of this, Casey finally woke up, more or less, and everybody seemed to breathe easier after that. He wasn't anything like alright - far from it - but he was conscious and more or less communicative, and that immediately made everyone less tense, more hopeful about the future. It was also the start of utter hell for Jarrod. 

Casey wasn’t okay, and that meant Jarrod wasn’t okay. True, he suspected that he wouldn’t be okay even if Casey was, but somehow it was much worse. Every time Casey flinched away from someone’s touch, or woke up screaming from a nightmare, or struggled his way through physio that clearly hurt like hell, or freaked out if RJ moved out of his line of sight for more than five minutes, Jarrod felt it like a lance of physical pain. Guilt and regret and helplessness ate at him, and he stopped leaving his room entirely because even the nights weren’t safe. He jumped at every sudden sound, and everything - lights, noise, the presence of others, his own feelings - was too sharp and raw, like acid on his nerves, which grew less and less steady through the first days of their so-called recovery. He wanted to run and hide and do something to cancel out the brittle sharpness of everything around and in him, but he couldn’t; he’d promised to stay. Even Camille was too much for him to bear, and he snapped at her, his own voice as harsh in his ears as any other stimulus, pulling away from his own anger as if he could escape out of his own skin. 

He withdrew from everybody. Food wasn’t an option anymore, flavors were too intense, the full heavy feeling of food in his stomach nauseating. Sleep was only marginally better, since the haunting thoughts, the screams and whimpers and manic laughter didn’t leave him even then - but it was still better than being awake. 

Later, many days later, Jarrod would be surprised that it was Theo who noticed and did something about it. Weeks after that, he would understand why. At the time, all he knew was that a voice directed at him penetrated the fog in his mind, and wouldn’t go away until it was acknowledged. As the words scraped against the raw nerve endings, screeching down Jarrod’s spine, his hands, his scalp, he eventually looked up at Theo and focused enough to listen. 

“Finally, you’re with me. Come on, we’re going.”

It took Jarrod a while to work up a reply, and when he did, it wasn’t much. “Going?”

“Yes. Lily, Dom and I are moving back to the loft, and you’re coming with us.”

“I… am?” Why would they want to show him where they lived? Didn’t they know he was dangerous? Jarrod blinked, and Theo sighed. 

“You are. It’ll be better for all of us if you and Casey stopped sharing a house, and RJ and Casey sort of need the space alone. Here is better for long-term care than the loft, so we’re going and they’re staying. RJ said the rule about not sitting in his chair is still in effect, though.” 

None of that made any kind of sense, but Theo sounded like he knew what he was talking about, and if they needed space they’d get space. He didn’t want to make trouble for anybody after all. Somehow, Jarrod found the energy to stand up. Theo smiled, and the smile was less abrasive than everything else had been, since Dai Shi’s destruction. He held out a hand, but stopped in mid-motion.

“Come on. Lily’s bringing the car around.” 

Being outside almost made Jarrod bolt, except that running into something unknown was an even worse option than staying and letting the sun and wind batter him. A part of his mind was aware that it was a lovely day, not too hot for late summer, but the sun was harsh on his skin and the breeze seemed to blow right through him. He shuddered and let Theo maneuver him into the car without protest. The seat beneath him was pleasantly solid and he felt a little less like he was about to fly apart. 

When they got to the loft, he wished he could just live in the car. The car was solid and had nice soft seats and was closed and quiet. The loft was too airy, too open, the noise from the pizza parlor below too close - and more than anything, he felt like an intruder into a life and a home that he had no part in. 

“I’ll show you around.” Not that there was anything much that Jarrod couldn’t see, standing in the middle of the loft, but he let Theo show him the bathroom, the hammocks, the training area and the one small room they used when people needed privacy. “I think - would you like to have this room? Lily and I are used to hammocks and futons by now, but it takes a while. You might be more comfortable here.”

Jarrod nodded, irrationally grateful, and as soon as nobody was looking at him he crawled into the bed in the small room, which smelled like fresh sheets and lavender, and fell asleep. With the door closed, the noise both outside and inside his own head subsided somehow, and it was a little better. At the time he didn’t notice it, but the room held nothing he could’ve used to hurt himself, which he’d be grateful for, later. 

However, they didn’t leave him alone this time, nor allowed him to sleep the day away. In fact, it felt like no time at all later when Theo knocked on Jarrod’s door and wouldn’t take no for an answer. 

“We’re a bit short-handed downstairs, I was wondering if you’d like to come down and help me in the kitchen?”

There weren’t that many things Jarrod could think of that he wanted _less_ than to go downstairs and be forced to talk to people. Downstairs, with the big noisy pizza parlor full of people who’d almost definitely suffered under Dai Shi’s violence, and the big hot kitchen - Jarrod couldn’t remember the last time he’d even set foot in a kitchen. At the Academy, probably, but only as a younger boarding student, years ago. He still found food hard to handle, and thinking about all the dough, cheese, sauce…

“I’d rather not.” It was as short and polite as he could be, with nausea rising in him. Theo shrugged and nodded, leaving him alone again. In the evening, Lily asked whether he’d like to join them for dinner downstairs, and didn’t look surprised or upset when he refused. It was like they didn’t mind when he refused, but at the same time didn’t even think about not offering again. 

The second day, Jarrod felt a little better. Without the constant reminder of the consequences of his actions, without the constant stress and guilt and underlying self loathing he’d had to swallow down at Master Finn’s just to follow Casey’s orders not to harm himself, he slept better, and found it easier to think, to breathe, to move. He stayed in the small room, though; the loft was too wide open and had too much light and air. And when Theo asked again whether he wanted to come help in the kitchen, and added that it would only be the two of them making pizza, not dealing with customers at all, Jarrod refused again, just a silent shake of his head. 

Later that same night, after the pizza parlor was closed, the sound of conversation carried through the closed door - an argument, more than a conversation. Wary of people fighting, Jarrod opened his door a crack to listen. 

Theo and Dom appeared to be debating a point of Pai Zhu lore and history, the teachings of an ancient Master. Dom was shooting questions at Theo, apparently ignorant of the Master’s philosophy, and Theo was holding forth a long and detailed explanation - which was wrong on several major points. Almost against his will, Jarrod was drawn closer to the door, and opened it a little further so he could hear better. 

“And when you compare this with Master Gou’s teachings- ”

“You realize they discuss completely different things, and you’re comparing apples and oranges?” Jarrod just _had_ to interrupt, Theo was talking such complete bullshit. As soon as the words were out he froze and stared at the two Rangers, wide-eyed with fear at his presumption. 

“Thank you, yes!” Dom grinned at him, quick and bright, and Jarrod held on to the door when his knees suddenly lost all ability to hold him up - not because it was Dom, but because this was so impossibly normal. Jarrod remembered this, from his happiest days in the Academy. “Please, explain to Theo how very wrong he is.” 

Jarrod was still hesitating, suspecting some kind of trap, when Theo scowled, “I’m not wrong, I’m backed up by countless scrolls! Comparing Master Gou’s teachings -”

“I think you got your scrolls mixed up.” Dom dismissed him with a handwave. “Jarrod, help a guy out, here.” 

“Come join us, it’ll be nice to discuss theory with someone who actually cared enough to _read_ the ancient scrolls and knows what they say.” Theo waved him over, and Jarrod moved away from the safety of his door and into the main area, stiff and wary, but drawn to this. He’d missed intellectual discussion terribly, while Dai Shi had him. 

For a few moments, he could forget about everything and remember the better part of being at the Academy - feeling knowledgeable and competent and trusted - respected, even, for his ability. But that only lasted for a moment, a few sentences before he realized who he was talking to, and about what, and darted back into the safety of his room, trembling, sick with anxiety. It took more than an hour of huddling under the covers before Jarrod regained enough presence of mind to even consider being a little embarrassed by his inability to even hold a conversation. 

The next morning he expected mockery, or worse, pity, but neither came. Theo brought him his breakfast with a smile as usual, and didn’t linger once he saw Jarrod wasn’t up to talking. Breakfast included scrambled eggs and a pot of what claimed to be fancy yogurt, and he finished the eggs and half the yogurt before his stomach started sending warning signs and he stopped. It was something of an improvement, he thought bitterly, that his body was sending signals he could read again. He finished off the yogurt two hours later and discovered he was still hungry, but didn’t do anything about it since it would have meant leaving the safety of his room. There were a few discarded magazines around, and he tried to read one but the letters swam in front of his eyes. With a sigh, he crawled back to bed. 

After lunch (a chocolate shake, mashed potatoes and boiled vegetables; he was glad to have a break from rice), he tried to read again, and this time was a little more successful, and read enough to realize that the magazine was entirely boring. The smell of pizza snuck in under his door, and didn’t make him sick like it had the first day. He didn’t think he’d be able to actually _eat_ pizza, but he could handle the smell. It was a start. He still could barely keep himself awake for more than a couple of hours at a time, but he had nowhere to be and nothing urgent to do, so sleep seemed like the best option still, and he napped until he heard voices outside again, and Lily knocked on his door. 

“Wanna join us for dinner? I think Dom would appreciate it if you kept Theo occupied, he’s been going on about spirit theory all day.” She looked cheerful, and sincere, and Jarrod had no idea how to respond. Did he want to eat with them? He doubted he’d be able to swallow, with three Rangers watching him, but the thought of picking up where they’d left off the previous evening did appeal to him. He licked his lips, thought about speaking, but in the end only nodded.

He felt like the odd one out in every way, barely even the same species as they were, when he sat down with them - on the floor around a low table, which was apparently how Rangers ate, when they bothered to eat together or in a regular fashion, as Lily explained. She kept up a steady stream of conversation as food filled plates and bowls were passed around - what looked like chicken and pasta for the Rangers, and a repeat of lunch for Jarrod, which he wrinkled his nose at and moved around his plate until he was sure no one was watching him, at which point he wolfed it down. The talk flowed over and around Jarrod, and he gave up even trying to follow it fairly quickly; it was too fast, too chipper, and kept referencing events he had no idea about. Just as soon as he’d finished eating, there was suddenly too much light, too much noise and open space around him, and for a brief, terrifying moment he was afraid he’d throw up in front of them all. He managed to get to his feet and stumble away from the table and towards his room, and heard, behind him, Theo stop Lily from following him. The gratitude he felt for the intervention propelled him forward until he was safe again, crouched in the corner of his room with the lights turned off. 

The memory of gratitude was also what made him come out again the next morning, since it was just Theo there. They ate quietly, but after Jarrod’s plate was mostly empty, Theo asked, “about those scrolls -”

“Mm?”

“I still think Dom was full of crap.” 

“He was,” Jarrod replied slowly, “but that’s because I don’t think he ever read the scrolls all the way through.” Dom had usually relied on Jarrod’s notes, in fact. Jarrod gathered his nerve and continued, “you, though, you _have_ read them. You just misunderstood them.”

“Oh yeah?” There was a glint of challenge in Theo’s eyes, and Jarrod almost ran away again, but this was his strong point, and Theo was just _wrong_. Something in Jarrod insisted that this needed to be proved. 

“I’ll show you.” He wasn’t sure where he found the strength or the courage, because staying out in the main room made his pulse race, and he had no idea how Theo might really react to being shown up, but he continued anyway.

Almost an hour later, they finally wound down to a stop. Jarrod found that he was slightly out of breath and his hands were trembling, he felt entirely wiped, but Theo was grinning. 

“You’re right! That makes perfect sense now. Thanks, Jarrod. It’s nice to have someone to talk theory with. All the others care about are the practicalities, and RJ’s philosophy is different enough from mine that we mostly just argue and never get anywhere.”

Jarrod nodded, because he had no idea what to say - and he was getting tired of being so lost about replying when people spoke to him. But he’s said more in that one hour than he had in entire months, while Dai Shi controlled him, and it had been - “Good. It was good.” He forced the words out, then shrugged, hoping to indicate that he was all talked out, hoping to be understood. To his immense relief, Theo nodded. 

“It was good. Hey, you want a book or something? A laptop? I just realized that the only things in that room are some of Lily’s magazines, and if you can talk about spirit manifestations you’re probably at the point where not doing anything all day gets boring, right?”

Jarrod thought about this; on one hand, he didn’t have the energy to be bored yet, since he still slept through most of the day, but he did want to try and be more active, somehow. Reading wasn’t a bad option, to start with. He nodded, “book would be nice. Or laptop. Either.” A laptop would allow him to catch up on a year’s worth of news, and would maybe come with earphones for music. Theo returned the nod with an easy smile, and retrieved a laptop from one of the shelves in the main room. Jarrod didn’t stay much after that, retreating to the smaller room with less haste than he had the previous day. He was completely exhausted by the conversation, and dragged himself into the shower and to bed without turning the computer on. 

The next day he did, which turned out to be a mistake. Sure, the music was good, but as Jarrod started on the news sites, dread started to gnaw away at him. He forced himself to start as far away from home as he could: regime changes in Asia, civil war in Africa, oil crisis in the Middle East, all came first, made bland by distance and time. When he moved closer, to American news, he noticed his hands were shaking. He knew he could stop, should stop, but continued anyway, bringing up the local news sites, starting back from the week before Dai Shi had possessed him. 

The news sites made it seem like Dai Shi’s attempts to terrorize the city weren’t all that destructive and horrible. Rationally, he could accept that perhaps weekly monster attacks weren’t as central to the town’s news cycle - certainly, the reports were much smaller in scope after the first three or four attacks, and headlines such as ‘giant monster destroys industrial block’, or ‘schools let out early due to road closures, monster attacks’ were hidden below the plans made by City Hall to rebuild certain neighbourhoods. There were editorials speculating about the Rangers, the origins of the monsters, and why help from outside of town just didn’t seem to arrive, however badly it was needed, but it looked as if they got very few hits. It still seemed absurd. Months of terror and destruction, summed up by a few headlines, reminders from emergency responders on how to safely evacuate buildings in case of attacks, and volunteers setting up search and rescue teams, as well as temporary housing for those left homeless by attacks. It all seemed to very normal, the real tragedy of it suppressed, underlying, but ever-present. The town was a war zone, in effect, and people just… got used to it and went on with their lives.

Jarrod had the laptop raised over his head, ready to smash it against the wall in rage and disgust, when he remembered that it wasn’t his, and he shouldn’t destroy things that didn’t belong to him. The litany of the destruction he’d already caused was right there, black on brilliant white, and he dropped the laptop, his hands numb and trembling violently. 

Filled with anger, at himself and Dai Shi and the world in general, Jarrod managed to slide the laptop under the bed, where it would be safe, and slammed his fist into the wall. The pain felt good, bright and sharp in the fog of rage, so he did it again, and again, and kicked it for good measure. That felt good too, and he did it for a while, until several hands wrested him away from the wall, towards the bed. He fought, struggled, screaming with a voice he noticed was already raw - had he been yelling? Probably. He kicked and clawed and howled until he was completely drained, and the hands were still holding him down when everything faded to grey and numbness around him. 

It was dark when he woke up again, and he wasn't alone. By the time he was aware enough to remember where he was and why, Theo swam into his field of vision and Jarrod realized that he was in bed, on his back, and that he hurt everywhere, pretty much, with a steady throbbing in his hands as an underlying accent to the general discomfort. He tried to say something and only managed a grunt.

"Back with us?" Theo didn't sound angry, which Jarrod found strange for a moment. He did look concerned, which was even stranger. 

"Mm… maybe?" His throat hurt as well, and his face felt hot and tight - tears, he registered with a twist of humiliation. He was so very tired. 

“Are you up to explaining what happened? We’re not angry, but we want to make sure you don’t hurt yourself like that again.” Theo’s hasty addition meant that something of Jarrod’s fear probably reflected in his expression, and the reassurance rang hollow in Jarrod’s ears. He closed his eyes and turned his head away. 

“Won’t happen again.” He couldn’t promise that, but those three words were all he had energy for. 

“Where’s the laptop, Jarrod?” Again, Theo sounded more concerned than angry, but Jarrod was absurdly pleased that he’d managed to keep the computer safe. He let one of his hands drop over the edge of the bed, pointing down. He hoped the thing was still there and he hadn’t kicked it or something. “Oh.” Theo bent down to pick it up, and Jarrod heard him open it and wake it up again. “ _Oh_. Oh, hell.” He flipped the laptop closed. “God, Jarrod, that was a really stupid idea.”

Jarrod shrugged and turned fully away. He didn’t want to talk and he didn’t want to explain himself. He wanted to disappear and never come out of that room again. 

***

Eventually, he had to leave, although they left him alone for a day or so, except for meal deliveries. He didn’t want to eat, but his body had other ideas and he forced the food down, tasting little and caring less, and then forced himself to keep it down. 

“We need to air this room out and clean it a bit.” It was Lily in the doorway, this time. The fact that it remained closed even though he hadn’t locked it, outside of mealtimes, and that Lily had knocked before opening the door, made Jarrod feel safer somehow. “Would you like to come out for a while?”

‘Like’ was a very strong word for it, was in fact entirely the opposite of what Jarrod felt, but the room _was_ getting kind of stuffy and funky, and he thought that maybe getting out for a bit might help. 

"Come outside for a bit? Actually outside, I mean, not just out here," Lily suggested as he followed her silently out to the main loft area. "Just to the balcony for a start, even. Weather's pretty awesome today, and you've got to miss the sun, right?"

He did, in fact, miss the sun, but he only discovered that when he pushed down on the ever-present anxiety and set foot on the balcony. The sun was warm and pleasant, the light wasn't too bright now, and the noise was just - normal. "It's all so normal," he spoke without thinking, because somewhere in his mind lurked the notion that if he started thinking about this he'd run away and never return, physically or mentally. "Just - people, being people."

"Yeah...?" It sounded like Lily didn't understand, so he gestured out and down, at the street.

"They're all going around being people. How - how many of them have lost friends, jobs, homes, over the past year? How do they just _go on_?"

"They go on. It's the thing that makes people amazing, if you ask me." The reply was put forth with such confidence that Jarrod couldn't even scoff at it. "Most of the people on this side of town didn't catch much property damage, the attacks and fights were mostly in the warehouse district, or in the industrial area, which is pretty much abandoned anyway. You know," she looked out towards the center of the town, "if you think about the fact that we were fighting a war here for six months, the damage was pretty limited. People were afraid, some left, some died, a few lost friends and family and things, but most of them are still here, still living. They have hope, they didn't lose hope even during the worst of it." She looked back at Jarrod. "Besides, they've had over a month to get used to peace again and start rebuilding, since we got the last Beast General. With Dai Shi… distracted." She grimaced, "sorry. Casey'd say that if the people here were safer because Dai Shi was focused on him, that was a good thing."

It took Jarrod almost half a minute to work up a response to that, through a swirl of anger and disgust and a number of other messy emotions. "Casey," he forced past the lump in his throat, "is an _idiot_." 

"Yeah. But he's trying to find the good, even in this. I guess it's better than dwelling on the bad." It wasn't exactly a pointed reminder, but it hit home. Lily seemed to notice Jarrod’s rising discomfort, because she changed the subject, “would you like to come with me out to town? It might do you good to get out of the house, and you probably need some new clothes.” 

He didn’t have any money for new clothes, and the thought of going out among people made him break out in a cold sweat. He shook his head mutely and backed away a step, unable to explain just how terrifying the idea was. Lily shook her head quickly.

“That’d be a definite ‘no’, to that idea, alright, gotcha. How about the beach? I know a few places where there won’t be people, even this time of year.” 

Jarrod shook his head again. The beach would be too exposed and far away from safety. Lily nodded with a small, friendly smile. 

“Okay, the balcony will have to do for now. You can stay here, for as long as you like. You’re - uh - you won’t jump off? It’s not even high enough.”

He hadn’t even thought about jumping, and her nervous twitch when he took a step forward to look over the railing sort of amused him while at the same time making him feel intensely guilty. She was right, anyway, they were only two floors up and he could jump it easily and land with barely a twisted ankle. “I won’t jump. I promised.” He thought that this was the one reassurance that would work, and he wasn’t wrong. She left him on the balcony with a book and a bottle of juice and orders to make use of both and come back in whenever he liked. 

He ended up staying on the balcony overnight. Every time the space around him started feeling too big and empty, he tried to focus his mind, remembered that he could always go back inside and that there was a safety railing, and stayed on. Theo looked in on him once, and Lily twice, but the book was actually interesting and Jarrod found that he could concentrate on it, and forget everything else for a while. Again, he ate without really noticing the food, but he finished it all. 

When darkness fell, he sat and stared at the stars for hours, learning them again. The lion spirit stirred in him, and he felt it gathering strength under the moon. Lions were nocturnal, and he remembered long nights of meditation at the Academy, of training when the spirit was strongest in him. It was bruised and strained and damaged now, just as he was, but the lion spirit was there, and slowly recovering. He could almost feel it stretching virtual limbs into the parts of his mind that had been closed to it for months, regaining strength and focus, just as he did. Slowly. Dawn caught him almost by surprise, but he wasn’t tired, even without sleep. He felt revitalized, somehow, more at peace with himself. The outside was a little less terrifying now. 

***

The next evening, Lily knocked on his door again, and this time he joined them for dinner. Theo was downstairs working, and Lily and Dom were talking about things that Jarrod didn't much care about so he didn't join the conversation but only listened. When Lily's phone rang he jumped a little, the shrill noise unexpected over the sound of chatter and laughter from the pizza parlor below and Dom's chuckle at something Lily said, but his heart rate was almost back to normal by the time he realized Lily was talking to RJ. 

"We're good. Yes, everything's fine. Yes, definitely better than yesterday. Your chair is safe. How're things over there? Oh." She frowned, "That's… yeah. Oh?" She listened for a few moments, nodding occasionally, and then frowned again, "hang on." She handed the phone to Jarrod, "RJ wants to talk to you." 

He stared at the phone, lost for a moment. He couldn't remember the last time he'd held a phone; at the Academy he hadn't needed one, there was no one to call, and besides, he didn't really have the budget for a phone. He took it carefully, it was a more advanced model than he remembered using before, and held it up to his ear. He had to clear his throat twice to speak. "H-Hello?"

"Jarrod, good. How're you doing?" RJ seemed full of energy, by his voice alone, but there was bone-deep fatigue underlying the words that Jarrod recognized too well.

"I'm… not sure," He replied honestly. "How are - you two over there?"

"Not so great." RJ sighed. "Listen, I've called in an acquaintance of mine, a guy named Zack -"

"The psychologist." Jarrod had seen the card, and remembered the name. 

“Yeah - how did you know?”

“Dana gave you a card.” There was no point in lying about it. “I can still read.”

“Never said you couldn’t. Anyway, he - he was like us, a few years ago, and since he - stopped - he’s specialized in helping people like us readjust. Like I said, I called him in to help all of us out - Casey needs it most, but my guess is he’ll want to work with all of us. I think it might be good for you to talk to him as well.” 

He’d known it was coming; it wasn’t a surprise, and still it sort of hit him like a slap in the face, and just the idea was enough to make him break out in a cold sweat. “What if I don’t want to?”

“Then you don’t have to. Nobody’ll force you to meet with him.” The answer came with no hesitation, and RJ sounded sincere enough, which was a little reassuring. “Dom doesn’t want to either, and Casey isn’t really happy with me for making the call without telling him first, but - Zack’s good. I think he can help us all. Think about it, alright? He won’t be here before Thursday anyway.” 

“Uh. What day is it?” Time wasn’t something Jarrod bothered to keep track of, these days. Not like he has a busy schedule, after all. 

There was a short paused and muffled words in the background. “Monday.” RJ sounded sheepish now, and Jarrod felt a grin tug at the corners of his mouth because that meant he wasn’t the only one not keeping track, and it made him feel a little less fucked up. “Just think about it, Jarrod.” 

“Yeah, I will.” It was the least he could do, even though his gut reaction was ‘no way’. He hung up, and only shrugged when Lily asked what RJ’d wanted - he was sure the Rangers would all be told before a shrink landed in their laps. 

He thought about it; he spent his nights outside on the balcony, watching the stars and meditating - it came easier now, force of habit taking over - and he thought about talking about anything, anything at all, to a stranger. Jarrod wasn’t inexperienced when it came to therapists and social workers, but couldn’t say any of his experience had been positive. School counselors and social workers tried to be understanding, and only ended up pitying, which didn’t help at all, and therapists thought that they knew everything, and were very clearly wrong about that. But since one day of sitting awake at night and sleeping through the day like a dead person turned into three and four days, Jarrod started to think that maybe he needed help. Maybe talking to a stranger who hadn’t lived and fought through Dai Shi’s attempted reign of terror would be easier than to anyone who had. 

He asked Lily to let RJ know he’d thought about it and was willing to try. By that point RJ had explained about their coming guest to everyone, Jarrod guessed, because Lily didn’t ask any questions but only nodded and texted RJ. The reply said that Zack would get there tomorrow, and would drop by the loft after he was done with his initial meeting with Casey.

Jarrod spent the next day and a half in a swirl of nervousness. He paced for hours, restless and jittery, until Camille, watching him from the tree closest to the balcony, snapped at him that he was making her dizzy and he snapped back that she didn’t have to watch him all the time if she didn’t like what she saw. Her flinch at his anger filled him with horror and a fresh wave of self loathing, and he locked himself in his room and stayed there, his mind buzzing with anxiety, disgust and hopelessness, until Lily knocked again and told him Zack was there. Even then, he almost refused to come out, and it took a real, major effort to open the door at all. The only reason he did it was because he’d promised Casey to try, and this counted as trying - but it was hard, just putting one foot in front of the other, and feeling all the while like he was going to his execution or worse. 

Lily gave him a smile that he thought was meant to be supportive but fell short of the mark; he didn’t return it, but focused on the man sitting on one of the bean-bags in the corner of the loft. He pushed himself up when he saw Jarrod and Lily come out, and moved towards them with a friendly-looking smile. Everything about him indicated not-threatening, which Jarrod assumed was intentional but looked pretty natural, and he moved with purpose and confidence without appearing dominant. He was wearing a black button-down shirt and dark stonewashed jeans, and when he came to face Jarrod he didn’t hold out his hand for a shake, which immediately won him points. Camille was behind him and off to one side, hovering, shooting worried glances at all of them but mostly at Jarrod, and he had to hold himself back from snapping at her again. 

“Jarrod, I’m guessing.” He was older than Jarrod by something like a decade, Jarrod guessed, and there was something calming about him - or maybe, Jarrod admitted to himself, he needed a break so badly that he was willing to see things even where they weren’t. 

“Lucky guess.” His stomach was churning with nervousness and words weren’t all that easy to get out. “Dr. Taylor, right?” 

“Call me Zack, but yeah. Want anything to eat or drink before we start? I think we’ll drive back to Master Finn’s house for this.” Zack included both Jarrod and Lily in the question and statement. “This is not exactly a peaceful area to have a quiet conversation in.” As if to punctuate his words, a burst of laughter accompanied by the shrieking of girls in their early teens came from downstairs, and Jarrod winced. On one hand, this really wasn’t the best place to have a deep and meaningful conversation: he’d feel too exposed out in the main loft area, and too cramped and closed in if they sat in the small room he slept in. On the other, going back to Master Finn’s house meant running into Casey, which Jarrod really wanted to avoid. But Lily was nodding.

“You remember the way, or d’you want me to drive? I think over there will be better.” She looked at Jarrod then, “if that’s okay for you? I mean, Zack’s tackling the most urgent cases first, so my turn won’t come until later.” 

Jarrod swallowed hard and tried not to let Lily’s words hurt him, even though the thought of himself as an urgent case hurt, even more so because he knew she was right. He shrugged, “Master Finn’s is fine.” Maybe they could sit somewhere on the second floor, out of sight of everybody else, and that would be alright. “Better than here.” 

“Great,” Zack smiled again. “I took a taxi, so a ride over would be good, Lily, if you have the time?” 

“Sure.” 

Jarrod got in the car in silence, crossing the space between the door and the back seat as quickly as he could without drawing too much attention to it, and tried to make himself sit normally and appear relaxed. After about thirty seconds of that, he pulled his feet up on the seat and curled up as small as he could, leaning his head against the door and closing his eyes so he wouldn’t see the outside. He knew his behaviour was noted and probably analyzed, but it was that or let the panic take over, which he truly didn’t want to do. Neither Lily nor Zack commented on it, at least, and by gathering his resolve during the drive Jarrod was able to get out of the car and into the house without much hesitation, smoothly enough that if nobody was watching specifically for it, he thought it wouldn’t be noticed. 

Lily didn’t even get out of the car, but waved them off and drove away, to help set up for evening at Jungle Pizza. And then it was just Jarrod and Zack in the quiet interior of Master Finn’s home. The older Master appeared while Jarrod was still blinking to adjust to the dimness after the bright afternoon light. He seemed weary, but welcoming.

“Zack, welcome back. Jarrod - how have you been?”

Jarrod shrugged and indicated Zack by way of reply, and Master Finn nodded and addressed Zack next, “Casey’s asleep, he crashed pretty much as soon as you left, just like you said he would. RJ’s with him, in case he wakes up.”

“I doubt he will, for a while. It wasn’t an easy assessment.” Zack shook his head slightly. “Let’s get started, Jarrod? Master Finn’s set me up with a spare room upstairs. I’ll just - can I stop by the kitchen?” He asked Master Finn, who nodded and, once they got there, helped him find a bottle of soda and a few glasses. “Now we’re set. Thank you, we’ll be down later.” Zack led the way upstairs, to a part of the house Jarrod hadn’t been to before, and he followed in silence. 

He remained silent until they were both sitting down on two overstuffed chairs facing each other. Zack put the bottle and glasses down on a side table, which also held a box of tissues. Jarrod glanced at it, embarrassed already, and noticed it was only half-full, which somehow made him feel better. 

“So, I guess I should start by explaining why we’re here,” Zack began. “Unless somebody’s told you already?”

“Only that you’re a - a psychologist.” Jarrod didn’t want to talk, but he’d already learned that talking was better than not talking. “And that you used to be like them.”

“I was, a long time ago. I was the first Black Ranger.” 

It was the fact that he was about to throw up from sheer nervousness, hadn’t eaten in hours and hadn’t slept much over several days that caused Jarrod to snort with laughter at that statement. Horrified at himself and deathly embarrassed, he found he couldn’t control the giggles, very near hysteria, as the thought of an black Black Ranger was suddenly unbearably funny. 

“I’m s-suh-sorry.” He held up a hand and tried to get himself under control, but the giggles turned to gasps and he couldn’t get enough air in, and Zack moved fast, rising to help him get his head between his knees until the room stopped spinning. He was sure he’d offended the man with his tactlessness, but Jarrod couldn’t feel any anger or censure in Zack’s touch or his voice, both practical and comforting. 

“That’s it, just breathe. You’re doing fine, breathe with me, in, count to three, hold… now out.” Slowly, Jarrod managed to get his breathing settled and the darkness receded a bit, though his pulse was still rushing and he felt chilled and clammy with cold sweat. “Alright. Good. Back with me?”

Jarrod nodded and looked away. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve heard every joke there is about it, believe me - and nobody’s laughed about it in a while, because I haven’t said it like that in a while. Really, it’s fine. D’you need a minute?” At Jarrod’s headshake - he could’ve used ten minutes or an hour, but didn’t want to look like he was stalling or wasting Zack’s time - he continued. “Take a minute anyway. Here.” He filled two glasses with soda and pushed one towards Jarrod, who needed to hold it with both hands to avoid spilling. 

“You were saying?” Jarrod felt like some input from him was required, and wanted to make sure his voice was working, besides. Shaky, but if he had to speak he could do it. Zack nodded.

“Right. Anyway, I was one of the very first Rangers, and after I was deactivated, I noticed how incredibly messed up my team was, when they finished their Ranger careers. And then the next team was even worse, and the one after - don’t get me started. Their Blue was _twelve_ when he became a Ranger.” He paused, and while Jarrod was surprised by this, he didn’t have much to say about it. Putting kids into the kind of fighting he knew the Rangers got into seemed crazy, but that pretty much went without saying, so he didn’t feel a need to say it. “Anyway, it was clear we’d all need some kind of help, and I wanted to go into psychology even before we all became Rangers, so I did. Only got my full credentials about two years ago, but I got in a lot more practical training than my teachers knew about, trying to get deactivated Rangers through the post-deactivation depression, readjustment trouble, all kinds of trauma. I’m like Dana - I know what it’s like, so people can talk about everything without being worried about exposure - and we both come with professional confidentiality clauses.” He smiled easily, and Jarrod nodded his understanding- partial understanding, at least.

“Post-deactivation depression?” He asked, as that was the one that caught his attention the most. “Why would they be depressed?”

“Rangers are faster, stronger, more resilient - more _alive_ when they’re connected to the Grid. We heal faster, we need less sleep, we’re basically superheroes. And then we aren’t any more. Most of the people who become Rangers aren’t trained for it - this team, with the Academy and the ancient traditions, is the exception, not the rule. Most of us were just teens, sometime a bit older than teens, and we all got a lot of power with very little preparation - and then lost it, with as little warning. Being downgraded back to normal can suck, and some people have a harder time dealing with it.” Zack said all that in a rush, and Jarrod leaned forward slightly, interested despite himself. “Going back to high school or college or a day job after you spend a few months saving the world…”

“I can see - how that might be tough, yeah.” But that was nothing like what he had to deal with. Suddenly a little angry, Jarrod shot back, “what about people who got a lot of power and spent a year trying to destroy the world? Any experience dealing with those?”

“You’d be surprised,” Zack took the challenge without any change in his demeanor. “I sort of figured this first session won’t be the traditional kind. Usually you’d talk and I’d listen, but this time, I think I’ll do most of the talking. I won’t name any names, but - let me tell you about some of the Rangers over the years, and the people they fought.”

Any sort of reprieve from having to discuss his feelings was a welcome one, and Jarrod nodded for Zack to continue. At first, he tried to listen and not care about any of it, tried not to get drawn into the stories, but after a few minutes he was leaning forward even more, fascinated. If Jarrod hadn’t just spent a year or so possessed by an ancient demon, the stories would’ve sounded completely insane, wild flights of fantasy - and even with his own personal experience, he had a hard time wrapping his mind around most of it. The Rangers who’d been raised to be evil overlords, the one literally raised by demons in a hell dimension, the brainwashed, the possessed - it all came down to one inevitable conclusion.

“Being a Ranger is _fucked up_.” 

Zack chuckled, “it really can be. But you know what, most of the people I told you about either became Rangers or went back to being Rangers, despite all the shit that they went through - and that’s a technical term, when it comes to what happens to Rangers. Even some of the ones who started out entirely on the side of the bad guys are pretty much reformed these days.”

“Only ‘most’?” Jarrod asked, frowning. He couldn’t see any way to recover or reform or make amends for any of what he’d done. Zack pursed his lips, and for a moment Jarrod worried that he’d angered him, but he only shook his head.

“Some are still struggling. Especially in the more recent teams. Some have had a harder time of it, and some came in with issues that needed to be dealt with even before they were Rangers. The Ninja team will probably have life-long problems, but most of them started out with unresolved issues of one kind or another, and probably would have benefitted from therapy at some point even without becoming Rangers. I won’t sugarcoat it, Jarrod - there are relapses, and there might be bad times and flashbacks and days when all you want to do is stay in bed and tell the world to go screw itself. But what we’ll try to do it get to a point where those days are the exception, not the rule. It’s a process, it doesn’t happen in a day or in a week. But it _can_ happen, with time and effort.”

“Sounds like physiotherapy.” Sounded about as painful, too. Not that Jarrod had any illusions about how long this would take. He hoped Zack was as nice as he seemed, because they were going to be spending a lot of time together for however long it took. 

“It’s not a bad analogy. Later, when you’re up for it, I’ll introduce you to Marah and Kapri; they’re the self-declared chairs of the former villain association, they throw picnics sometimes and force everyone to attend.” Zack grinned at him quickly. “Think you have the energy to tell me a little about yourself? Before everything started, I mean. Your family, school, the Academy, whatever you like.” 

His energy was, to tell the truth, flagging a little, but Jarrod didn’t want to look like he was trying to avoid talking or deflect attention, so he braced himself and started talking. He was short and concise and emotionless, giving the same story he’d given when he was in school - the father who was never there even before he left for good, the mother working three jobs to make ends meet, sending him to martial arts classes at the local community center when he was eleven so he could learn to defend himself from bullies, and then starting at the Academy when he was fourteen, and finding an actual home there, more than home had ever been. He faltered and trailed to a stop then, because he’d never told the story past that point, and didn’t know how to continue. Also, he was even more drained than before, blinking rapidly to keep some kind of focus.

Zack was looking at him steadily, “You’ve told that story before, haven’t you? You sound pretty practiced. I’m not your first rodeo.”

Jarrod hesitated, then nodded. Zack looked interested but not disapproving.

“I’m guessing what comes after the Academy is new ground for you though, right? Not a story you’ve told before?” At Jarrod’s slow, silent headshake, he nodded once. “I’d like to hear that part as well, but not today. We shouldn’t make the sessions too long, and if you don’t mind my saying so, you look half asleep already.” 

“Yea-ah,” Jarrod drew the word out and barely suppressed a yawn. “I don’t feel shrunk yet.”

“This was the first session. Give me time. And give yourself time, alright? Now, do you want me to ask Dana to prescribe you something that’ll help with any anxiety you might be feeling? Help you sleep?” 

Jarrod struggled for focus, and finally shook his head. “Not right now? I’ll think about it… when my mind’s all there.” Which was absurd enough that he almost started laughing, because if his mind were all there he wouldn’t need drugs anyway, so obviously he’d never be able to give an answer, and never get help even if he needed it, and he didn’t want drugs, they wouldn’t help, and - there was sudden warmth and the pressure of a hand gripping his forearm.

“Jarrod, breathe.”

He drew in a deep breath and let it out in a raspy cough that turned into gasps. When he could talk again, he said “Maybe meds - aren’t such a bad idea.”

“They might help. Just to help you relax a bit. I’ll talk to Dana.” Zack refilled Jarrod’s glass. “Would you like to stay here for a while, and rest a bit?” 

Getting up and walking seemed like too big of a project to manage, so Jarrod nodded. “You don’t need the room?”

“Nope, you’re my last meeting of the day. I’m going to sit down with the other Rangers tomorrow, and probably with Casey again, if he’s up for it. And with you, if you’d like.”

“How - how is Casey?” Jarrod wasn’t sure he wanted to know, or rather, he wanted to know but knew the answer would only make things worse. Zack held out his hands in an ‘I don’t know gesture’.

“He’s pretty resilient, and he has a lot of support. I think the worst of it will be until he gets used to being off the Grid again, and I can only help ease things along, there. It’s mostly up to him, and RJ can probably help with it more than I ever could. As for the rest of it… it’s a process. Same as for you.”

That actually wasn’t as bad as he’d thought, except that Zack was probably not telling him the whole deal - and couldn’t, Jarrod knew, because of confidentiality. Since that meant he wouldn’t tell anybody about Jarrod’s sessions either, Jarrod was willing to let it go at that. He sighed and leaned back, closing his eyes. “I’ll just… sit here for a while.”

“You do that. I’ll let the others know not to bother you.” 

“Thank you.” Jarrod was asleep before Zack even left the room.

***

When Jarrod woke up again, it was full dark outside and his mouth was dry as a desert. The soda and glasses were still on the low table, not cold anymore but wet, which was all that mattered. He poured himself a generous glass and drained it, and decided to venture outside, because he hadn’t been invited to stay the night and needed to return to the loft. Going outside involved the risk of running into Casey, which scared the hell out of him, but a look outside through a cracked-open door revealed an empty corridor and stairs, and he tiptoed down, alert for any sound and any possible attack. In the end, he almost wasn’t surprised when he entered the main room and RJ was just coming in from the other direction - but he still had to hold himself from jumping back like a startled rabbit. He could still feel the ghost of RJ’s fingers around his neck, even now, more than two weeks after the event, and though he was reasonably sure that he didn’t want RJ to kill him anymore, he wasn’t at all certain that RJ was of the same opinion. Thus, the small wave and soft greeting he got from the former Wolf Ranger weren’t what he’d expected, and he barely remembered to return the greeting. “What time is it?” 

“Almost half past nine.” RJ wasn’t wearing a watch, but Jarrod took his word for it. No wonder his stomach was complaining; he hadn’t eaten in at least twelve hours, and wasn’t sure that the yogurt and apple he’d managed that morning counted for much. “Dinner’s about ready, I think. Dad said you’ll be joining us?”

“I - I will?” Why in the world would RJ and Master Finn - and Casey, of all people, want him around? “Uh -”

“Oh, he’s told me but he hasn’t told you yet? That’s so like him, managing everybody’s life.” RJ pulled a face. “Stay anyway? One of us will drive you to the loft afterwards.” 

Jarrod opened his mouth and closed it again, harder than he’d meant to. He didn’t think he’d be able to eat if Casey was there, and Casey definitely didn’t deserve Jarrod’s face across from him, spoiling his supper. “I’ll just - I can walk. I don’t want to be a bother.” He was torn between looking away from RJ and keeping an eye on him, as the most dangerous thing in the room. 

“It’s no bother, there’s enough for three.” Seeing the question in Jarrod’s face, which snapped up at the statement, he continued, “Casey already ate, I’m pretty sure he’s asleep again already. Today was kinda hard on him.”

Jarrod nodded and swallowed past the guilt-induced nausea. He could more or less imagine how things might’ve gone, even if Zack had been as easy on Casey as he had been on Jarrod, but he sternly told himself that he wasn’t going to break down in front of RJ, and held himself together. RJ seemed to notice his change in mood anyway, because he continued without waiting for a reply. 

“I’m going to meditate before dinner. Join me?”

This conversation was getting stranger by the second, but meditation meant sitting down and silence, both things that Jarrod thought would do him good. He promised himself that he’d deal with the question of how and why RJ was willing to spend time with him at all, later. There was tension between them, but Jarrod was pretty sure most of it was coming from him, and not from RJ. What had changed, this past week? It was possible that RJ just wanted to get him alone and away from anybody who could stop him from taking some kind of revenge, and letting him do that would mean going against Casey’s orders on letting himself be killed, but Jarrod was curious, despite himself. Maybe if RJ tried anything and Jarrod tried to defend himself it wouldn’t count as letting himself get killed - he had no illusions that he could beat RJ, in his state - so it would be alright. Slowly, he nodded his assent.

RJ led the way to the back yard, which was surrounded by a nice tall fence that made it feel less like being outdoors, enough so that Jarrod felt only a twinge of anxiety that he tamped down quickly. “You remember the basics?”

“Yeah.” Last time he’d tried this with someone hadn’t been that successful, but last time he’d been locked in a room with Casey, which had done nothing for his peace of mind or spirit, and he’d had time to practice meditating alone, since then. This time might work better. “You lead?”

“Yeah.” RJ settled himself cross-legged on the ground, gracefully. Jarrod sat as well, not nearly as smoothly, and got himself into the correct meditation position. It occurred to him that he would have to close his eyes, and that it would be a great opportunity for RJ to come at him, but he decided to just go with it, for now. When they were both settled RJ said, “I may need to leave in a hurry, don’t freak out if that happens, okay?”

Jarrod wasn’t sure whether to take offense at the assumption that he’d freak out if something unexpected happened, or be grateful that RJ understood it was a very real possibility. He nodded and decided to risk a question, “why?”

“If Casey wakes up and I’m not there, he’ll probably call for me. I’d meditate in his room, but if he woke up and saw you there, first thing -”

“Then I won’t be the only one freaking out.” Jarrod nodded his understanding and pushed down another wave of guilt. At least Casey had RJ to be at his side for this - which still didn’t resolve the question of why RJ was doing this, right now. “Why risk it, then? You didn’t have to ask me to meditate with you.”

“Questions later, meditation now.” RJ’s tone wasn’t harsh, but didn’t allow for any further questions. Jarrod sighed, confused and exasperated, and closed his eyes, waiting for RJ to start the chant. When it didn’t start for several seconds he cracked one eye open, just to make sure RJ wasn’t pulling a weapon or something, and saw that the other man was breathing deeply, clearly centering himself before starting the exercise. Jarrod closed his eyes again and tried to do the same.

He hadn’t needed anybody to lead him into a meditative state in years; at the Academy there was usually a leader for group meditation, but students were expected to meditate alone or in small groups if they felt it was necessary, as part of their studies. It used to be something easy and restful that Jarrod enjoyed. Now, it was _hard_. His mind refused to focus, his thoughts flew off in all directions, spinning and fracturing, and every little noise drew his attention, bringing him back to full alertness and out of the calm stillness he was trying to achieve. 

“Breathe in… and out…” RJ seemed to notice his problems, and changed from a simple chant to something more direct, giving him actual instructions. It was easier to focus on RJ’s voice, which was at least directed at him, than to try to hear every leaf and night bird and the waves washing up on the shore. 

Slowly, very, very slowly, Jarrod felt himself relax a little. He wasn’t exactly in a meditative state yet, but his breathing was deep and steady, he no longer felt the muscles in his legs complaining at sitting cross-legged so long, and his shoulders slowly dropped, untensing for the first time in - weeks, probably. Eventually, the words changed back into a chant, and then to humming, which Jarrod picked up and joined. He felt a little floaty, disconnected from everything; it was a very good feeling, like he’d left the baggage of anger and guilt and regret down on the ground, just for a moment. It didn’t last long - a bird screeched suddenly and Jarrod snapped right out of his meditation with a very literal thump, as he somehow managed to lose his balance and tilt sideways, even sitting on the ground. He hit the floor and stayed down, blinking like an owl in too-bright light. A moment later, RJ’s face came into his line of sight.

“Everything okay down there?”

He actually had to think and run an internal inventory to answer that one. “Got distracted. And I think I’m more tired than I thought I was?” 

“Have you eaten today at all?”

Jarrod nodded slowly.

“What and when?”

“Breakfast. And soda earlier.” He tried to push himself up and found that his arms were trembling. RJ had to help him sit up, which Jarrod had just about enough energy to be embarrassed about. 

“Uh huh. Come on, we’re going inside and getting some kind of food in you.” RJ all but dragged him inside and set him down on a couch. “Sit, wait. I’ll be right back.”

Jarrod was tempted to get up and move, just on principle, but it honestly seemed like such hard work that he decided that principle could wait until maybe after he’d eaten. He wasn’t even hungry, not really, but knew he probably would be, given a chance to think about it. So he kept thinking about it, and by the time RJ came back with two bowls of food, he was ready to deal with the idea of eating. The act itself took a bit more effort, but the bowl was full of rice and chicken, with steamed vegetables and not too heavy on spice, all of it in small enough chunks that he didn’t need to handle the whole bowl, but one piece of everything at a time. Once he started, he found out he was really hungry.

He was definitely getting better at handling food. He ran out of steam about halfway through, but instead of pushing the bowl away and stopping he slowed, kept it with him, and paced himself with easy, slow forkfuls until the bowl was almost empty. This was more food than he’d managed so far, and it included chicken, which he’d only had once since he was freed and was still wary of, but there was no nausea this time. He didn’t even feel overwhelmingly full. Maybe talking took more energy than he’d thought, or it was the effort of being outside and dealing with people, but the meal went much better than he’d expected. RJ didn’t say anything as they ate, but it wasn’t a tense or hateful silence; not quite comfortable, but respectful, in a way. Jarrod guessed neither one of them wanted to risk ruining the meal with a fight. 

When he was definitely done, Jarrod put the bowl down and looked at RJ directly - which, when he thought about, he hadn’t done much so far. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

RJ gave him a neutral look, “does it matter?”

That was a fair question, and Jarrod gave it due thought before shrugging, “a little, but I don’t think I can make you stop even if it _is_ pity, and if you’re trying to make an effort for - for Casey - then it’s between you and I’m just a by-product. Anyway, it doesn’t matter enough that I’ll insist on an answer.” He was falling back on patterns learned at the Academy, where answers like ‘do you want to know enough that you’ll make the effort to learn’ were fairly common. He wanted to know why RJ was willing to look at him, never mind helping, but maybe it wasn’t something he needed to know, and accepting it at face value would be easier. RJ nodded.

“It’s long and complex and I’m not sure I understand it myself half the time. But I’ve been civil for more than an hour, so I guess it’s working.” 

“Whatever ‘it’ is,” Jarrod agreed. Then he yawned, barely covering it, and felt his face heat again. “Sorry.”

“Of all the things you should apologize for, being tired is either the smallest or just not on the list at all.” RJ stood up and grabbed both bowls. Jarrod swallowed hard, still seated, and looked up at him with no idea at all of what to say to that. RJ looked a little guilty.

“Possibly I’ve worn out my own patience.” He didn’t apologize, and Jarrod wouldn’t have believed an apology, anyway. Master Finn chose that moment to appear - Jarrod was pretty sure he’d been listening in from the other room for a while, ready to step in if it looked like anything might go wrong. 

“I see you two are done with dinner.” He inserted himself so smoothly between them that Jarrod startled a bit. “Jarrod, why don’t I drive you back to the loft?”

“Um. That sounds like a great idea. Thanks.” There was nothing more for him to do here, and every minute he stayed, the risk of Casey waking up while he was still there grew. RJ waved a three-finger pretence at a goodbye, excusable because he was holding dishes, and before Jarrod could think too much or worry about anything, he found himself in the back seat of Master Finn’s car. 

They were almost back at the loft when Master Finn spoke, “RJ’s trying. I’m not promising he’ll succeed, or that he’ll do a very good job at it, but he’s trying. For his own sake, as well as yours and Casey’s. Hatred and anger are bad emotions to carry around for very long. He’s trying to leave them behind. It’ll take time.”

“Wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t try at all,” Jarrod said it so quietly that he hoped Master Finn could disregard it, pretend Jarrod just didn’t reply and continue, but he did, and shook his head slightly.

“For his own sake, I’m glad he’s trying. And for yours, and for Casey’s recovery. He doesn’t need RJ arguing with him about forgiveness and redemption.” 

Redemption? Was that what Casey had in mind for him? Jarrod snorted quietly; it was sort of absurd. But maybe hopeless optimism was better than just plain hopelessness, and he shrugged, since he didn’t want to continue the discussion. To his relief, Master Finn didn’t pursue the point.

“We’ll be seeing you tomorrow, Jarrod.” It wasn’t a threat, not quite a promise, as Jarrod got out of the car. “Zack said daily meetings, if you can handle them.”

Fatigue was tugging at Jarrod’s heels and making his head foggy, despite the nap he’d had. He nodded, noncommital, thanked Master Finn for the ride, and went inside. The noise and sense of many people in a space that wasn’t big enough in the pizza parlor made him stumble, but he pushed through it. There was no one else upstairs, and Jarrod made a beeline to his bed. He’d think about it all tomorrow, process it. But not yet.

***

Days passed, and Jarrod settled into something like a routine. He didn’t have daily sessions with Zack after all; those turned out to be just too much, and he usually needed a couple of days between meetings to work through everything they’d discussed before he was ready to continue. Though he never saw Casey when he came to Master Finn’s for his sessions, he knew that he’d reached a similar arrangement. He figured it was probably pretty exhausting for Zack, who had all the other Rangers (except for Dom, who’d flat out refused every suggestion that he might need to talk to someone), but the former Ranger didn’t look too run-down by the effort.

Between sessions, Jarrod didn’t leave his room much. He ate some meals with the Rangers, others with Camille, who came to visit every day but never felt comfortable enough to stay and sleep at the loft. Jarrod suspected she slept on the large tree outside his window, but she was a spirit-demon, and he wasn’t about to question her choices as long as they didn’t annoy or endanger anybody. It was comforting to have her around; she wasn’t entirely up to speed about humans and their opinions, but she knew Jarrod, and she’d known Dai-Shi. She was the one person he didn’t have to explain himself to. He still spent some nights out on the balcony, close enough to the outside to breathe, but in safe proximity to somewhere nice and hidden. After two weeks of this, Theo still hadn’t managed to talk him down to help in the pizza parlor, but he’d helped Lily make dinner a few times, which everybody seemed pleased with. It was progress. 

Still, he didn’t interact much with any of them, beyond a few words here and there. He was almost always silent at dinner, unless they discussed Pai Zhu theories, which they rarely did. He preferred to let the conversation flow over and around him, getting used to human company again. It was still strange to him, that after everything they’d all been through, trivial things like shopping and movies and sports still interested them. That was why he was surprised at the knock on his door, and even more surprised when he opened it and found Dom on the other side.

“Come train with me.” With no preamble, it took Jarrod a moment to realize what Dom meant, and his mouth charged ahead while his brain was still working through it.

“Wha?”

“Training. You know, sparring? Conditioning? Running, even.” This made Jarrod fight back a smile - unlike some others, Dom had _hated_ running when they were students together, and avoided it whenever he could. “Come on, Lily’s downstairs and Theo’s out and I need a partner.”

“Um… I’m really out of shape?” He hadn’t trained since Dai-Shi had taken over him, and while the demon energies had kept his muscles in top condition, he’d discovered that not having control of them for a year had left him still getting used to knowing and being in charge of what his body was doing, and sometimes he didn’t quite manage it, to his embarrassment. “Besides - I mean -” Why would Dom want to do this? It made no sense.

“We used to be great sparring partners, Jarrod. Remember?” Dom seemed sincere enough, which only made Jarrod worry a bit more. They _had_ been good partners, though. “Come on, I think it’ll do you good, to remember what your body can do?”

Sitting still all day was starting to make him stir-crazy, to be honest, and he did miss his old ease with his body, but the idea of training, of sparring, made him uneasy. It was too normal, and Dom made it sound so easy, and… ”What if I hurt you?”

“As if you ever could,” Dom scoffed, smirking. “We were pretty even back then and you’re out of shape, you said it yourself. Besides, bruises are part of training, and I need to get used to not healing up in a matter of hours anymore.” His smirk turned a little sour, and Jarrod recalled what Zack had said about post-Ranger depression and adjustment issues with an internal wince. Slowly, uncertainly, he nodded. 

“Fine. I - well.” He was already dressed for training, in his old Academy uniform that felt so much more comfortable than regular street clothes. He felt unworthy of the full uniform, so he wore only the trousers and tunic, with neither insignia nor rank markings - but being dressed meant he couldn’t even stall for time. “Let’s take it slowly?”

“Sure.” Dom’s easy smile eased some of the tension in Jarrod’s gut. They had been friends, once, and of all the Rangers Dom was the only one who didn’t seem to carry a grudge, even a small one. When Dom looked at him, Jarrod was almost sure that he saw him as he was now, as he had been, instead of Dai Shi. He knew the others couldn’t see him yet, and accepted it, since half the time he avoided looking at mirrors because he knew he’d see Dai Shi and not himself. As Dom led the way out to the main area of the loft, where training mats covered the floor already, Jarrod discreetly stretched and rotated his wrists and ankles. There were risks, of course, more than he could list without losing his nerve entirely, but - he used to enjoy this. Maybe it would be nice to try again.

He very carefully didn’t think about the danger of letting his more violent urges control him. The past year had put Jarrod face to face with the consequences of his darkest, ugliest desires, and though he knew Dai Shi was truly gone, it felt like fighting might summon him back somehow. But he couldn’t let Dom see his nervousness, not if he was to be taken seriously.

“We’ll start slow. Just simple routines, okay? Follow my lead.” 

Jarrod nodded, his body falling into the opening stance with an ease that surprised him. From there, his first motions were slow and hesitant, lagging a beat behind Dom’s lead, but his muscles remembered even if the memory was distant in his mind. He’d done that warm-up every day for years, it was as familiar as breathing. As they moved out of the warm-up, he gathered up speed and force, relishing the control over his limbs - such as it was.

“Slowly, Jarrod,” Dom warned quietly when Jarrod wobbled on a kick. “Concentrate on your breathing, and work at my speed.” 

Jarrod pushed down a flare of irritation at being corrected, and reminded himself that Dom, the eternal quitter who’d never even tried to win his Master stripes, had spent the past year training with living and dead Masters and bolstered by what they called the Power, and probably knew what he was talking about despite being a quitter. He slowed, and breathed, and tried again. This time he wobbled less, though it was far from perfect. By the time Dom finally called a pause to individual exercises Jarrod found that he was dripping with sweat and trembling with fatigue, but he felt better than he had in - since before Dai Shi, probably. Calmer, more centered and grounded than after any meditation he attempted, warm and alive in his own skin, even if he was ready to drop while Dom was barely breathing hard. He sat down on the mat, little more than a controlled fall, but all he could manage.

“How’re you doing down there, buddy?” Dom crouched down to his level, looking a little worried but very pleased, with himself or with Jarrod or both. 

“I’m okay.” Breathing hard, exhausted, but actually happy, for the first time in longer than he cared to think about. “Better than okay. I think. I mean, getting up might be a problem, but -”

“Yeah, I get it.” Dom grinned and pulled him up. “I trained alone for a long time, while I was travelling. Having a partner makes things more fun. Same time tomorrow?”

“Uh… sure. Yeah.” Jarrod discovered he was smiling back, which was strange in itself, but also a pretty good feeling. “Tomorrow.” 

***

They trained again the next day, and the day after, and every day that Jarrod felt up for it, really. It wasn’t every day; there were bad days when he wouldn’t leave his room or his bed, even for the rush of training, when he’d have no energy and feel about an inch tall. After harder sessions with Zack he was always conflicted - release the anger he felt (mainly at himself) into the familiar routine of attacking and blocking, or avoid the risk to himself and to Dom? Sometimes he skipped training, those days, and sometimes he didn’t. Slowly, he became more comfortable in his own skin, regained the control and strength he’d once had. The days where he could slice the air with his hands and feel in control were the good days.

Then there were the bad days, but again, of all the Rangers, Dom was the easiest to get along with, the one Jarrod knew as a person, not just as a rival or an enemy - and who knew him as a person, too. He was a lot more patient than Jarrod thought was possible - definitely more patient than Jarrod expected him to be. He even handled the panic attack after the first time they moved to contact sparring and Jarrod flipped him without even thinking about it and was sure it would be seen as an attack, and he’d be out on his ass or worse. That was probably the worst of their training days, and ended with Jarrod curled up in his room, terrified and entirely unable to stop crying for a couple of hours. Later, he’d been embarrassed about that, but Dom never even mentioned it, and never treated Jarrod differently. 

Zack helped him talk it through, and though they avoided contact sparring for a few days after that, they returned to it, and Jarrod managed to keep his anxiety down to a manageable level. The pills helped as well, he had to admit, and some days he managed to go for hours without hating himself, feeling unworthy of any kind of human attention, or jumping at shadows and freaking out when he had to go outside. He ate his dinner with the Rangers now two days out of three, and helped with chores around the loft, whatever didn’t require him going down to the pizza parlor while it was busy. The thought of that many people around still filled him with dread, but he helped clean up at night and set things up in the morning, and there was a sort of meditative calm to working the big dough mixer that he enjoyed. In his better moments, Jarrod was willing to admit, cautiously, that things were getting better. 

Some things, however, he still wasn’t ready for. 

“You’re out of your mind.”

“I’m not,” Dom argued, “and you’re going stir-crazy in here. You need to get out of this loft for a few hours and smell something other than stale sweat, zen and pizza.” 

“Dom, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I’m not really good at crowds at the moment. Or at being normal and sociable.” Hell, he hadn’t been particularly sociable even before his stint as a demon-vessel, and what Dom was suggesting sounded like a terrible idea.

“Jarrod, it’s one evening and one beer, in a nice quiet bar that you used to like, back when going out for a drink was something we did.” He did sound very reasonable. “It’ll be nice to go now we’re legal and everything.” 

Jarrod felt a smile tug at his lips despite himself, “We’re both reformed now, aren’t we? No more fake IDs for us.” They’d both been underaged when Dom left, but they’d both had ways of getting alcohol if they wanted it, and on occasion they’d wanted it. Those were good days, good memories, and Jarrod did want to see if he could still enjoy something like that, just going out with a friend like a normal human being - but what if he couldn’t? The thought of failing even at something that should be fun scared him, the knowledge that it would be a crushing disappointment to discover that having fun and being normal were beyond him. He shook his head, unable to verbalize all this, and Dom tilted his head slightly. 

“Look, I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want. I thought that an evening of relaxing a little would be good for you. That you’d enjoy it. I know I’ll enjoy it, the others are too young and too uptight to join me, and RJ’s busy with Casey and won’t leave him alone. Besides, you and me going out for a drink is traditional.”

That last bit saved Jarrod from feeling worthless, like the third option when the better ones weren’t available. He wanted to try and see if he could do it, if he was honest with himself. He didn’t want to be afraid to try for the rest of his life. He took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay. But if I freak out, it’s on you.”

“If you freak out we’ll leave. In fact, we’ll leave as soon as you start feeling even a little uncomfortable,” Dom promised, and Jarrod snorted.

“In that case we’ll never leave the loft.” He was almost always at least a little uncomfortable. He attempted a smile to reassure Dom and thought he might’ve succeeded. “I can handle uncomfortable, but if I feel a panic attack or a meltdown coming on I’ll try to let you know in advance.” He was getting pretty good at reading the warning signs that came before a freak out. “Let’s do it.”

“Awesome.” Dom’s wide grin almost made up for the fluttering of Jarrod’s stomach. “Go change.”

“Huh?”

“Change. Into real clothes? You’re not going into a bar in training pajamas.” Dom gestured at Jarrod’s outfit, which was in fact his training gear, and he felt himself flush. 

“Real clothes. Right.” What did people even wear to go out? He barely remembered anymore. Still, he managed to find jeans that still fit him more or less (too loose around the waist, all those meals he couldn’t find the energy to eat were showing) and a button-down shirt that was more or less in good condition despite lying folded at the bottom of a drawer for a couple of years. He ran a hand through his hair, then rolled his eyes and tugged it back into a ponytail. “This okay?”

“Yeah, it’s great.” Dom nodded approvingly. 

They were almost ready to leave, but Jarrod hesitated still. “You know, I’m not even allowed to drink.” He’d scoffed when Zack mentioned that his anti-anxiety meds went badly with alcohol, because even the thought of drinking had been kind of foreign at the time, but now that it came up he was glad to be aware of the risks. 

“Meds?” Dom looked concerned, rather than mocking or disappointed, and when Jarrod nodded he shrugged, “come anyway and have a Virgin Mary or a coke. At least you can come in with me without breaking any laws.” 

“You’re sure?” Actually, if they were really doing this… Jarrod located his meds and dry swallowed a pill, just to be on the safe side, since it would almost definitely be a high-stress situation. Dom watched him and nodded.

“I’m way sure. Come on, you can be my designated driver back.”

“If you can’t drive back, we’re walking.” He hadn’t been a very experienced driver even before Dai Shi, and the meds slowed his reactions sometimes; he didn’t want to risk an accident.

“Fine, fine.” Dom was laughing, which made Jarrod feel better already, and they left without any further delays. 

They ended up taking a taxi back, because Dom had managed to put away a beer and two shots of vodka in the forty minutes or so it took Jarrod to be overwhelmed by the noise and crowd of the bar. The place wasn’t even full and the music fairly mellow, which were the only reasons he’d lasted even that long, but even a small crowd was enough to make him uneasy. What if one of the other people at the bar recognized him? Dom had managed to get them to the bar through neighborhoods where there wasn’t any construction, but the city still felt a little like it was recovering from a war - which in essence it was. Jarrod had nursed a coke and tried to keep up his side of the conversation, which Dom kept light and funny, and for a while it felt like the good old times, but the feeling didn’t last very long. He tried his breathing exercises, tried to distract himself by enjoying the music, and that, too, worked for a while, until finally he stood up too quickly and excused himself, stumbling over and into people as he headed out, gasping for breath. It wasn’t a full-blown anxiety attack, but it was close enough that going back inside wasn’t an option. Dom came looking for him, and didn’t ask inane or awkward questions like ‘are you okay’. 

“I’ve called a taxi and paid the tab, we can go.” 

It was pathetic to feel so grateful for something so small, in the grand scheme of things, but Jarrod did. It wasn’t as good as the good old times, but it was getting better.

***

Camille was always there, somehow. She was great at blending in, unsurprisingly, and Jarrod thought that the Rangers forgot she was there, most of the time, but he knew she was close, and it was comforting, in a way. She was on even shakier moral ground than he was, still uncertain that she even wanted to be on the side of the good guys, even now that being on the side of evil was no longer an option. She never joined them for meals, and Jarrod eventually confirmed his suspicion that she slept outside, in the branches of a tree that was close enough that she could see into his room, if he kept the curtain open. 

Jarrod wasn’t sure what he felt about Camille. She was the only one who didn’t judge him (even Dom did, a little), the only one who required no explanations. She may not have been entirely up to speed on human behavior, but she knew demons, and she’d known Dai Shi. She’d known _him_ as Dai Shi, which meant he could talk to her, but he never did, not directly. Sometimes he sat on the balcony and just watched the tree in silence, usually after the harder sessions with Zack, but she never started a conversation, even though he knew she was there. He also knew that she’d loved Dai Shi, in her way, and wasn’t sure whether that love extended to him - or what he was supposed to do about it, if it was. 

Days passed. Everyone was recovering, slowly, and routines became more settled. Lily started talking about college: years of dancing and martial arts training, as well as helping Casey and RJ with Casey’s physio, had gotten her interested in studying physical education or physiotherapy professionally, and the loft was littered with college brochures and SAT study guides. Theo wanted to go to Japan, as soon as things settled down a little more, to study the Pai Zhu theories with the greatest Masters. Both plans would take months to execute, but they both had directions, something they wanted to do. Jarrod envied them a little, their ability to think beyond the next few days, their confidence in being accepted, respected, a part of a community. He tried to tell himself he could do the same, in time, but it was hard to believe it. 

He was noticing things more, though, focusing less on himself and his own issues, more aware of the others. He knew it was a step in the right direction, but it still surprised him when he noticed the change in Camille. 

He hadn’t seen her fully manifested in a couple of days; her outline against a wall, or in the play of shadows between branches, but that she just walked into the loft was unusual enough to draw his attention from the book he was readying. “Jarrod.”

“Camille,” he wasn’t gaping, but it was a close thing. “What are you wearing?”

“Clothes?” She gave him an innocent look he didn’t believe for a second, then grinned. “Lily took me shopping. Do you like it?” She spun around, displaying her entirely mundane outfit of blue jeans, a deep turquoise shirt and a darker jacket over it. Jarrod glanced down and discovered she was wearing sneakers, not boots, and up again, noting that there didn’t seem to be a lot of make-up going on, and that she’d toned down her choice of greens and yellows considerably. In fact, she looked entirely normal and could pass for human easily. It was almost disturbing. 

“It’s - uh - I don’t actually know clothes that well? Not - girls’ clothes.” He felt himself blush and ducked, self-conscious. “If you like it, I’m sure it’s great?”

“I love it,” she was still grinning. “And it means I can go do… human things. Humans have changed a lot, since the last time I got to be around them. I mean, the shopping options! And the music, and - you know what movies are, don’t you?”

He couldn’t help smiling back, her excitement was infectious. “Yeah, I know movies. You like them?”

“I - uh - I haven’t gone to one yet. I thought - well - you could come with me.” Now it was her turn to look self-conscious. “Lily said she and Theo would come too. She called it a ‘double date’, it sounded like fun.”

“Um…” 

“Great, we’ll go tonight.” She never gave him a chance to object, and left him standing in the middle of the loft, not entirely sure of what had just happened. Theo came in a minute later and found him still standing there. 

“Double date, huh? And it’ll probably be some romantic comedy or something animated, because Lily’s choosing. How did this happen?”

“I… have no idea.”

Going out to a movie wasn’t as bad as going to a bar. It would be dark and safe, and Lily did in fact choose a nice, harmless animated film. As they left, Jarrod mentally promised himself that nothing could possibly go wrong.  
***

“I am so, so sorry.” 

All four of them were in the alley behind the movie theater- or at least, Jarrod thought they were. He was curled up on the ground, pressed against the wall and only marginally aware of the others around him. Lily sounded tearful, Theo didn’t say anything, and Camille’s voice got sharper every time she demanded that the humans _explain what’s going on_. By about the fifth or sixth time, Theo snapped at her to shut up, and a frisson of impending violence made Jarrod jerk out of the blankness that enveloped his mind after they stumbled out of the theater. 

“Leave her alone! And - Camille - just give us a minute.” He wiped his eyes and hoped he was more or less done with that for now. It was embarrassing and made his head hurt and didn’t help anything and - _damnit_. He wiped his eyes again. 

“But - what happened? This - the movie thing - there were _children_ there with us - is it some kind of attack which only targeted you three? None of the others seemed affected.” She looked genuinely confused and upset, but not nearly as upset as the three of them were. 

“It wasn’t an attack.” Theo’s voice was flat and rang a little hollow; he was the least affected of all of them, outwardly, but his hands were shaking.

“No. It was just - the movie,” Jarrod added. He knew Camille would have an easier time believing him, so he forced the words out somehow.

“I didn’t know. I’m sorry,” Lily repeated, and he shook his head at her.

“You - couldn’t have known. Probably.” Nobody expected a stupid kids’ movie to hit them all that hard, but there it was, four grown ups pushing their way past grade-school children out of a movie theater, all of them in various stages of upset. “There - there’s nothing in the trailer about the mentor d-dying, right?”

“ _No_. I thought it was safe.” Lily slid down the wall to sit next to Jarrod. She was still breathing in short, shallow gasps, and Theo had one hand on her shoulder. 

“I called Dom to come pick us up,” he said, holding up his phone with his free hand, and Jarrod nodded acknowledgement. In a way, it was reassuring to know he wasn’t the only one who went off at the least provocation - in fact, Lily had been the first one to start, this time. The temple scenes at the beginning had raised Jarrod’s warning flags and made him shift uncomfortably in his seat, but it was only when the old turtle master died that they all really freaked out together. 

Camille still didn’t look like she understood any of it, but she didn’t ask anything more before Dom arrived and they all piled into the car. Jarrod went to his room immediately, but noted that Theo and Lily went outside together, towards the beach. It was only when he turned to close the door that Jarrod realized Camille had followed him in. 

“Explain.” She perched on his bed, and he sighed.

“In a moment. Just - I’m going to get some juice. You want some?”

“Thank you.” She’d developed a taste for sweet things, Jarrod remembered, and brought back two chocolate bars as well as two cups of juice when he returned to the room. 

“Now, what do you want me to explain?” 

“Everything.”

She deserved to know and understand it all, Jarrod thought. She’d been there for him on the first few days, when he’d still considered himself a prisoner of the Rangers - she had kept him more or less functioning and given him an anchor. And she came with very few preconceptions - less than Zack, even. Jarrod took a deep breath, and started to explain - everything. 

He explained what he’d talked about with Zack, how being a prisoner in his own body had affected him, how guilty he felt about the things Dai Shi had used him to do, how he felt lost and alone, isolated by his deeds and by what he’d put everybody else through. How he felt that of everybody, only Camille and Dom saw him as a person and not a walking reminder of trauma and war, even though he knew the others were trying to forgive him so they could all move on with their lives. Camille didn’t interrupt or ask questions, but she seemed interested enough so he continued, and explained how scared he was of having to see Casey and talk to him after what he’d done - not just because he felt terribly, terribly guilty about it, but because he expected anger and revenge, and their absence freaked him out. He wasn’t worthy of kindness or compassion, and the thought wouldn’t leave him, no matter how hard Zack worked at it and how much he tried to convince himself. 

Finally, he moved on to the future, to adult life for which he felt completely unprepared. The Academy was the closest thing he had to a home, and he wasn’t sure he could return there, even if they were willing to have him back. The past and his deeds would be there constantly, a reminder of how badly he’d fucked up, and yet - he had no idea what else he could do with his life. The thought of college didn’t appeal to him, and he didn’t have anything else, except the nagging certainty that, lacking structure in his life, he’d very soon go back to being a bully without purpose. He talked for a long time, and eventually wound down, slightly breathless, feeling drained of energy as well as words. “Is that a full explanation?” he asked, unsure of what else he could say.

“Y-es…” Camille tilted her head to one side, quizzical. “I mean, I wanted you to explain why the movie upset you so much, but I guess that _was_ an explanation. A very… comprehensive one.” She smiled very slightly, and Jarrod flushed. Of course she hadn’t really been expecting him to lay his soul bare at her feet, and yet he’d done it anyway.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she took his hand in hers, her touch chilly and reptile-dry. “Reading books and listening to the special doctor gave me a general idea of what was going on with you, since you weren’t talking, but this is much better.”

Now he felt even worse - he should’ve talked to her sooner. She must’ve seen it in his face, because she squeezed his hand, clawed fingers digging slightly into his skin. 

“Stop that. It was your story to tell or not to tell. I’m glad you did. I still don’t understand what it was about the movie that got to you like it did. I mean, you’re kind of fragile, but the others?”

“Gee, thanks Camille,” he replied sourly. He _knew_ he was sort of brittle and had just explained how and why that was, but hearing confirmed her still sort of hurt. “They’re been through a lot too, okay? That movie, it was just too close to things that hurt us all really badly.” 

“When the old turtle master died?” She either guessed or concluded, and he confirmed with a slight shiver. 

“That was the last thing, the thing that really hit us hard. Master Mau - he was the first one Dai Shi killed - that he made me kill - and he was a mentor to all of us. Dom said he’s showed up a few times in spirit, but nobody’s seen the Spirit Masters since they defeated Dai Shi, so maybe they’re finally resting, until the next time a Pai Zhu disciple needs extra help.” He said all that in a rush, knowing he’d have a better chance of staying in control of his feelings if he got it done quickly. 

“You were upset even before, though. Why didn’t you leave?” 

“It wasn’t that bad at first,” he shrugged. Po’s troubles at the temple, the bullying tigress and the others, even the fox master’s diatribe about how he was trying to make Po quit and go home, they all tugged at too familiar memories from both sides of the bullying equation, and neither side was pleasant to remember. “It was just a movie, I should have been able to handle it. Guess I’m not.” And the discovery frustrated him out of all proportion; if he couldn’t do something simple and normal and entertaining like watch a _kids’_ movie, how was he supposed to handle adult life, exactly? 

“It’s just a movie,” Camille offered, but even she didn’t seem too convinced of that - or maybe that was just Jarrod’s own doubts reflected in what he heard from her tone. “And it’s a pretty recent experience. The books and the special doctor all say that it’ll get better, eventually.”

“Some days it’s pretty hard to believe that.” He wondered which sessions she’d listened in on, and hoped it was only his, because the Rangers wouldn’t take kindly to that sort of invasion of their privacy. “So, you’ve read up?”

“It’s something to do, to pass the time. It was reading or watching what Lily calls ‘daytime TV’ - I’m guessing it’s because it’s TV you watch in daytime - which made me reconsider my intentions regarding humanity.” Camille’s expression made her opinion on daytime shows very clear, and Jarrod snickered despite himself. That he even could was a sign that things _were_ getting better. 

“Talk shows could drive a pacifist into violent thoughts,” he agreed, but changed the subject quickly. Violent thoughts and feeling murderous towards humanity as a group weren’t the way to deal with discovering he couldn’t even watch cartoons anymore. “We should’ve gone to see the musical instead.”

“Musical?” Camille perked up - she’d developed a taste for human music along with her minor chocolate obsession. 

“Yeah, there are movies where in between the talking there’s also singing and dancing. Not exactly my style, but I’m sure Lily can recommend a few. Or Fran, Fran looks like the type who loves musicals.” Fran, whom he’d only met a few times down in the kitchen, and who, being a normal, sane human, was scared of him. At least her reactions made sense.

“Lily asked me to come to the Academy with her sometime,” Camille changed the subject abruptly. “She said I could learn - their way. Pai Zhu. That - that she’ll help me learn it, and I can join the students there, if I want.”

“She - what?” 

“Asked me to come learn at the Academy.” Camille repeated, slower, as if he hadn’t heard or understood instead of just being unable to process it. “I think I’ll do it.”

“They’ll know who and what you are.” Why that was the first thing he thought about, Jarrod didn’t know. Camille shrugged.

“I’ve been what I am for ten thousand years, I won’t hide it for the sake of some snot-nosed human children. I can learn from them, and I can teach them. Lily said that nobody teaches the Way of the Chameleon anymore. I could teach that. It might - be easier to fit in there. They’re not like the outside world.”

Jarrod had to concede that this was true: as a bridge between the modern world and the old ways, the Academy was a good place to start. At least they’d know how to deal with those moments that showed Camille to be entirely nothing like humans, without awkward explanations, and they’d teach her more about normal human life. “That might not be a bad idea, for you,” he said at last, grudging.

“I want you to come with me.” 

That particular bombshell took Jarrod even longer to respond to, but when he did, the answer was clear and concise, “no.”

“Why not? You said yourself that it’s your home, Jarrod.”

“It’s a home I almost destroyed, Camille. I can’t go back. I won’t be able to - to see - to be there - I’ve done enough damage already” He shook his head violently, as if trying to shake the idea - and the temptation - away. He was afraid to return, true, but he also longed for the security and order of the Academy. 

“You should at least come with me when I go there the first time. You don’t have to stay - just show me around and then you can leave. Or, you know, you can stay until they finish my ‘assessment’,” Camille’s nose wrinkled in distaste. “Assessment, can you believe it? I’ve forgotten more about fighting and philosophy than most of them will ever know, and they want to assess me. It’s insulting.”

“Maybe you’ve forgotten too much,” Jarrod teased her, finding her affront funny, because it was a side of Camille he’d never seen: not petulant anger, or frustration and resentment, but a self-aware sort of offense that showed that Camille wanted to be respected for herself. She hissed and slapped at him, but playfully, and Jarrod knew he’d accompany her to the Academy, whenever she went. If nothing else, he owed her that.

***

One visit to the Academy with Camille turned into two, then into three, then into going there every other day. The Masters, who now included Lily and Theo, welcomed him to a far greater degree than he’d ever expected, and he tried to repay that kindness by not giving in to the bouts of self hatred and self doubt that still came with an alarming regularity. He also tried to curb the flashes of his old arrogance and temper when those flared up, which happened far less than it had before Dai Shi, but were something he would probably always have to contend with and be aware of. 

Zack went home after six weeks of working intensively with all of them. He pronounced Casey mostly stable, and over the backlash from drawing on the Grid as heavily as he had. The rest would still be a process of recovery, but he believed that bi-weekly sessions would be enough, and was willing to make the trip every other weekend to accommodate that. Jarrod knew he’d be getting the same, a session every other weekend, and he wasn’t at all sure it was enough. 

“Jarrod, you know I’m always a phone call away, day or night,” Zack promised him as he piled bags into a rented car. 

“I know, and you might get really sick of me calling at strange hours,” while Jarrod managed to sound like he was joking, it was a very real worry, that Zack would get tired of his endless doubts and worries. The fact that Zack had reassured him that it wouldn’t happen had helped, but not enough to put him entirely at ease. Jarrod was very rarely entirely at ease, these days.

“You know I won’t,” Zack gave the bags one last shove and shut the trunk firmly. “You could always come down for a visit, if you felt up to it. Get away from it all for a while.”

“Maybe.” 

He’d thought about leaving, going away, putting it all behind him. The others would be gone soon enough, in a few months at most, and Jarrod couldn’t hide out above a pizza parlor forever. He needed to plan the rest of his life. 

“I’m thinking about moving back to the Academy full-time,” he blurted, surprising even himself because the thought had been no more than a vague notion at the back of his head until that moment. “I could teach - they might trust me enough to teach if somebody’s there with me all the time.” He’d been terrible with the younger students, as an assistant to the Masters before everything happened. Younger students were too slow, they lacked focus and commitment and tended to cry when he yelled and insulted them, but - well, he’d changed. And some teachers had suggested he might try working with older students, teens who showed promise and commitment and the kind of anger he knew too well. “If I can’t be a shining example, I can at least be a terrible warning, right?” 

“Try to be an example, before you get bogged down by being a warning, alright?” Zack was still smiling, but his tone was serious. “Call me as often as you need, and - live your own life, Jarrod, not whatever you think somebody else expects from you.”

Easy for him to say, but Jarrod halfway nodded, anyway. “I’ll try.” Living any life at all sometimes seemed like an impossible task, and knowing what he wanted was hard in itself, but he was determined to try. Most of the time, anyway. For the times that he wasn’t, he had Camille around to push him. 

***

He did end up moving back to the Academy about a week later. The Rangers had been beyond kind, but his small, spare room at the Academy felt more like home than the loft did. They didn’t seem to be upset by his moving out, even though he felt ungrateful for doing it, at first. But then, almost the day after he moved Dom announced that he and Fran were going away, on a trip to see all those places Fran had only read about and never visited. Without Dom there, Jarrod knew, he would have had a much harder time staying with the Rangers, and he was happy that his decision to leave allowed Dom to do what he really wanted.

He studied, meditated, joined in doing chores with the younger students without a word of objection. Things the old Jarrod would have sneered at seemed precious to him now. He even found he had more patience for teaching, on good days and for older students. He didn’t have a regular class, but Masters sent students to him who needed help with certain maneuvers or had specific weaknesses to work on. They paid him room and board and pocket money, which was good enough, for now. He knew they were keeping a close watch on him, and rather than chafing the supervision made him feel safe. Camille was doing well, and he saw Theo and Lily and the Old Masters often between classes. Sometimes he even ran into RJ, who finally agreed to set foot back at the Academy after leaving in a huff years before. 

He made a point of never running into Casey, though. It wasn’t difficult, in the earlier days- Casey didn’t visit the Academy often, at first. Jarrod knew that RJ and Casey had moved back to the loft a few days after Dom and Fran left, to take over the pizza parlor full time, and it was easy enough for him to avoid the loft after that, without being questioned about it. Even on those occasions on which Casey did return to the Academy, Jarrod’s lion spirit, intimately familiar with the tiger spirit now, alerted him and let him disappear until the danger had passed. It meant keeping all his senses focused and aware, and was exhausting some days, but it was better than meeting Casey when he wasn’t prepared for it. He had no idea whether he’d ever be ready to talk to him again. He also had no idea of why exactly he was so terrified of this potential meeting, but he was. He decided not to dwell on the way of it, after a while, and simply followed his instincts. 

He should have expected it wouldn’t last long, the avoidance game. He managed it for almost two weeks, but knew it was a temporary reprieve. He expected either Casey or RJ to corner him somewhere at the Academy and force the issue, so he was a little startled that the first approach was by text message. Having prepared mentally for a head-on confrontation, the harmless little chirp from his recently-acquired phone caught him entirely off guard. 

_Come by for pizza tonight? I’m finally allowed some, we’re celebrating._ He didn’t have Casey’s number saved, but there was nobody else it could be from. He was surprised that Casey had his number, even though he shouldn’t have been - there weren’t that many secrets at the Academy, certainly not ones kept from the former Rangers. 

A text message allowed him the time to think, to consider, to plan a reaction. To think up endless scenarios of how the evening could go terribly wrong. To remember he didn’t actually like pizza very much. He did all those things, after letting his mind spin in tiny panicked circles for a few minutes, because he didn’t want to ignore the message entirely. Being given the opportunity to refuse didn’t mean they’d really allow him to avoid a meeting. Maybe a celebration with pizza and all the others to act as buffer would be easier. Rationally, he knew he was being absurd, but in the back of his mind the familiar anxiety bubbled away. He couldn’t go.

In the end, he couldn’t not go, either, so he went. He dressed nicely, in a shirt Camille had helped him buy (fashion was another human thing she developed a taste for), and he joined Lily and Theo as they left the Academy and headed to the loft. Going with them meant he was less likely to give in to the fear on the way and turn around. He let their easy chatter, comparing students and the events of their respective days, carry him along. At some point Camille blinked into visibility at his side and slipped his hand into his. The cold, dry touch grounded him and he gave her a wan smile of gratitude through rising queasiness. 

He hadn’t spent that much time in the public area of the pizza parlor, before. Even when he’d helped the Rangers out, he preferred to stay in the back and work quietly, where no strangers might accidentally wander in. But the place was empty now, a small sign announcing they were closed for the evening for a private event, and when Lily unlocked the door for all of them the only thing that greeted them was the scent of fresh pizza. 

“Casey, RJ, we’re here!” Lily hurried towards the kitchen. “Need a hand?”

“Nope, think we’re good.” 

Jarrod froze, and only Camille’s grip on his hand kept him from turning and running, undignified as it might’ve been.

“Stop that, Jarrod!” she hissed, quiet enough that only he could hear, because Theo and Lily had moved on towards the kitchen despite their hosts’ protests that they didn’t need help.

“I can’t do this, Camille,” his whisper came out choked and he cleared his throat, too self-conscious to say anything else. Camille shifted her grip to entwine her fingers with his, and the surprise of that was enough to make him suck in a sudden breath, which cleared away some of the darkness from his eyes. “Really, I can’t.”

“You can and you will. It’s just pizza, and people. Even the Red Ranger, he’s just a person. You will manage. And if you can’t, then you won’t. They’ve all seen you freak out, there isn’t much left for you to be embarrassed about.” Sometimes Camille’s straight-forward thinking was like a kick in the stomach, but that didn’t make her any less right. The worst that could happen was a total meltdown - and now that he was here, Jarrod thought maybe things wouldn’t be so bad. 

They weren’t, as it turned out, at least at first. Yes, seeing Casey again made Jarrod’s stomach twist into knots, but he tried to focus on the changes in him, on the improvement, and not on the fact that they might have to talk. Casey was still skinny, but not as painfully thin as he had been, and he was walking on his own, though with the help of a cane. Despite attempts to look casual, by the time they sat down with several trays of steaming pizza Jarrod was staring at Casey, unable to focus on anything else. He looked - better. Not as drawn, not grey with exhaustion, but older than his age. Not sad exactly, but not quite happy. It was an expression that was oddly familiar, which made Jarrod wonder until he placed it as the one he sometimes saw in the mirror, when he could stand to look at himself. To his slight surprise, this understanding undid some of the knots of tension in his guts. 

He wasn’t relaxed enough to eat much, though. The pizza was excellent, and he hadn’t had any in several years, but still he mostly played with a single slice, and let the conversation flow over him without participating. The others kept up a constant stream of conversation, and slowly Jarrod realized that Theo and Lily hadn’t seen much of Casey either, those past weeks. After three trays of pizza had disappeared, the conversation slowed a bit and became more thoughtful, and still nobody tried to force Jarrod to join in. He could feel RJ staring at him, though, which wasn’t helping his nervousness much.

“Okay, I’m full,” Casey put down a half-eaten slice. He’d put away most of a tray of pizza by himself, and now gave the remaining slice an irritated look. “Still hungry, but full. I’ll save this for later.” He rolled his eyes and sighed, “catching up on food is exhausting.” 

“You’re looking much better, though,” Lily encouraged, “and you have all the pizza you can eat.”

“Pizza, protein shakes, peanut butter, everything else I feel like. It’s nice to be able to handle everything, but I think I’ll enjoy not being hungry all the time. I guess it’s better than being too tired and sore to eat.” Casey sounded more rueful than annoyed, but Jarrod looked away and felt whatever ease he’d achieved fall away. 

“It’s so much better,” RJ chimed in with a smile that Jarrod thought was almost definitely real. “Also, it’s evening out a bit now. I mean, you didn’t exactly eat like a bird before, you know?” His tone was teasing, and Casey smiled back, and there was something in the connection between them that was more than just the possessive, protective closeness RJ had shown before, something that had Lily giggling and Theo looking startled, and Jarrod suddenly felt like an outsider in the worst way, like he just didn’t, and would never, belong. He couldn’t breathe.

“Excuse me.” He pushed away from the table and almost stumbled in his haste to get outside before - well, he had no idea what it was that would’ve happened if he’d stayed, but he knew he didn’t want it to happen. He was out of the building and climbing on the trellis leading up to ‘his’ balcony before his mind fully caught up with his body’s panicked reaction. There, in the open air but surrounded by the safety of the railing with the stars just starting to show above him, he could finally try to get a single deep breath in. It took several minutes for his hands to stop shaking, and the pizza was still threatening to come back up when he heard steps approaching from inside the loft, accompanied by the unmistakable soft taps of a cane. Jarrod resolutely kept his eyes focused on the outside as the steps stopped behind him. 

“Can I join you?”

He half-shrugged in response, still looking steadily ahead, and didn’t move as Casey advanced and came to stand next to him. 

“You alright?” 

Jarrod couldn’t help it: he laughed, short and raspy. “I’m not even gonna answer that.”

Even Casey’s silence seemed sheepish. “Okay, dumb question. I agree. You’re not alright.”

“Are you?” Jarrod wasn’t sure where he found the courage to ask it, or the insanity. He didn’t even want to know the answer, except that he really, desperately wanted to, and nobody would give him a straight answer, so he never bothered to ask. He wasn’t even sure that Casey would answer him honestly, but at least it would be a first-hand lie, as it were. 

“I’m… getting there. Good days, bad days. You know.”

Did he ever know. Jarrod inclined his head and kept it down, his hair falling over his eyes since he’d forgotten to tie it back. “You’re walking. That’s good.” 

“It’s pretty good, yeah. Dana says I might be able to lose the cane in a few weeks. And hey, look,” when Jarrod raised his eyes again, Casey held his right hand up and out to the side, above shoulder height but not all the way up, “I’m getting some kind of range of motion back, finally. And I’m eating pizza, and swimming - swimming is great, actually, Lily’s idea about hydrotherapy was awesome. I even managed to bring up a bottle of soda without dropping it or the cane.” He indicated a bottle of some kind of sparkling juice he’d placed at their feet, which Jarrod hadn’t noticed before, and a few paper cups. 

“I’m - glad you’re doing better.” He wasn’t going to cry, he wasn’t, he wasn’t. He wasn’t going to scream either. Or throw up. He was so focused on not doing any of that that he didn’t notice Casey had continued to talk until the younger man said his name, concern tinging his voice like he’d said it a few times. When Jarrod blinked at him, struggling for focus, he repeated.

“How are you, really?”

“Good days, bad days. You know,” it was easy to shoot the same words back, and it allowed Jarrod to work up towards an actual answer. “I go to classes, I meditate. Do chores, work in the garden. Sometimes I help other students out.” It all sounded so normal and boring and entirely not anything like how he was doing. “I slept a full night last week. Five hours, not one nightmare,” he volunteered, feeling like he should apologize for that, but Casey smiled like it was a good thing, that he was sleeping. “Camille’s fitting in really well.”

“Good. I’m glad. She - she helped me a lot,” now Casey sounded hesitant, and Jarrod didn’t want to linger on the memories either, if he could help it. “I miss training. Can’t do that yet, and -” his tone had changed, not nearly as light as it had been, and Jarrod looked at him sharply, concerned at the shift into something harder to talk about, “Dana won’t even let me talk about when I can start again, so I know she’s still not sure _if_ I’ll ever be able to.” 

“Shit,” there was nothing else Jarrod could say to that statement, so that was what he said, simple and heartfelt. Casey sighed.

“Yeah. Shit. I mean, it’s only been a few months, I know, and most people who didn’t have the Grid to help them out would still be in a wheelchair at this point, and -”

“ _Stop_.” Jarrod had no idea where the word had come from, but he knew he’d never meant anything more. “Please - just - stop. Okay?” He couldn’t deal with this, it was too big to handle. “I’m sorry. I know you want to talk, but I can’t. I - I can’t.” He was holding on to the rail for dear life, blood rushing his his ears, his pulse far too fast, cold all over. “Please.”

There was silence, for a very long time. Jarrod’s breathing settled and his pulse slowed, and at his side, Casey slowed his breathing as well, until they both fell into the same rhythm, and it occurred to Jarrod that they were using the same breathing exercise to calm themselves. He chuckled, and it was Casey’s turn to give him a questioning glance.

“We’re both working really hard not to freak out. And failing. Why keep trying, Casey?” 

“Because I refuse to live my life afraid of things if I don’t have to,” it was a simple answer, and not the first time Jarrod had heard it, but he was still unconvinced. 

“Fear is healthy. Keeps you safe,” he pointed out. “Besides, if you can avoid the source of fear, why confront it?” The coward’s way, maybe, but he saw no real need to be brave, just yet. 

“I wasn’t afraid of Dai Shi, after a while,” Casey’s reply wasn’t much of a reply at all, but he didn’t wait for Jarrod to respond before continuing. “At first, I was. And then, after - I figured the worst had already happened and I’d survived it. While the others were alive, the worst he could do was kill me, and I wasn’t afraid of that. Looking back, I sort of think I was a little crazy back there.” 

“It wasn’t a good time to be sane,” Jarrod pointed out, amazed at the steadiness of his voice. “So?”

“So, when I was out of there I was terrified, and I was _angry_ at how scared I was, because it was over, and I was safe - but the possibility that I wouldn’t be, that it could happen again -”

“Yeah.” Jarrod knew that one, too. 

“And I shut us in that room together, and it worked, Jarrod. You know it did.”

“I’m standing here and I’m alive,” Jarrod conceded, “therefore, it worked.”

“See? I don’t want to spend the rest of my life having nightmares and jumping whenever people touch me - and that’s getting better, it really is - and I don’t want you to keep ducking around corners whenever I’m around,” Casey’s tone was heated, with conviction rather than anger. It was a tone Jarrod recognized from before, when they’d been locked in together. 

“Are you sure you’re not on the Grid anymore?” he raised an eyebrow, a little amused despite the cold panic crawling up his spine.

Casey shook his head, “I’m not, but apparently we were deactivated just in time, before whatever patterns of behavior I was developing were permanently integrated - Zack tried to explain, but it’s kinda complex,” he waved a hand in dismissal. “I guess some stuff stuck, though. And you have to agree it’s not fair for us to be afraid like this. I want a life, a normal life - don’t you?”

Jarrod snorted, “I’m not sure I know what normal even looks like anymore.” He wasn’t sure he deserved normal, either, or not to be afraid, and if he could hide out at the Academy for a few more months (years, decades), that was fine by him. “I don’t know what I want,” he admitted at last.

“Neither do I. I never really thought beyond trying things out at the Academy, and then - everything happened. Now it’s like I suddenly need to think about the rest of my life.” 

“Yeah.” That they were standing there, having a heart-to-heart like this, should have freaked Jarrod out even more, but he found it was oddly comfortable, now that he’d gotten used to the idea. “I know that one. I thought I’d be with the Academy forever, become a great teacher, and now… I’m still surprised they let me near the other students. The others all seem so put-together, you know?”

Casey nodded in silence, and released a slow breath that wasn’t quite a sigh. “Now that it’s all over, I’m not sure I really want to do this for the rest of my life. It’s alright for now, running Jungle Pizza with RJ until I’m back to - well, until I lose this -” he raised the cane slightly with a half bitter smile - “but I think I’ll want something more, at some point. College, maybe, or to go somewhere. I don’t want to lose the others, but they all have their plans, and I’m not in them.” 

“Why are you telling me all this?” he’d been debating whether to ask that question or not for a while now, and finally it forced its way out of Jarrod’s mouth apparently without consulting his brain. He wasn’t sure which part needed answering more - why Casey was saying everything he was saying, or why the hell he’d chosen to confide in Jarrod. “Why not to them? They can help.”

“Exactly why. I can’t tell RJ that I might want more, because I’m not sure yet that I do, and because he might be happy making pizza for the rest of his life. I _can’t_ complain, because if he thinks I’m unhappy he’ll try to make things better, and I’m not sure he can.” There was nothing of the noble leader in Casey’s tone now, and a lot of teenager. Jarrod was sharply reminded that he wasn’t even twenty yet. “He’ll end up hurting one or both of us, or I’ll end up hurting him, and I really don’t want that. He’s - he’s RJ, you know? He’s done more and seen more than I have, sometimes he thinks that being our teacher means he knows everything better than we do. And he’s had a really hard time, since I was - captured. He’d try too hard to make up for that.”

“He blames himself?” It wasn’t much of a logical leap, in a way, and it made sense, also, that Casey would be more aware of RJ’s emotional state than RJ himself. Jarrod had found the Wolf Ranger, despite his Zen attitude, pretty extreme in his emotions, and he was really protective of the Rangers, especially of Casey. 

“Yeah. He stopped the others from stopping me or helping me, when I went to the Citadel. Lily told me, when I asked why he was so worked up, other than the obvious. There was nothing they could’ve done, even if they’d come after me right away, but that doesn’t stop him feeling guilty.”

“Gotcha,” that made sense. “So you can’t tell RJ - and hiding things from him is a terrible idea, by the way, but that’s between you and him - what about the others?”

“Too much explaining. You know what happened, I don’t need to go over it again. I don’t need to explain how things got to where they got, because you were _there_. You won’t try to make it better, and you won’t ask questions I don’t want to have to answer. I don’t have to protect you from anything, because you were there at the worst of it, and whatever heartache I cause you, you’ll think you deserve and I can’t convince you otherwise anyway.” 

The frank, almost too direct answer, and the wry tone it ended in, threw Jarrod for a brief loop until he worked it all out in his head, parsed out the meaning of it all. Then, he chuckled, joyless. “So you need someone to vent at, and if hearing about it triggers an anxiety attack, that’s my rightful punishment?”

“Well… I’d rather not trigger an anxiety attack, those suck. But if I told you you didn’t deserve them, would you believe me?” Again, he sounded younger than he normally did. 

Jarrod shrugged, the gesture as good as an answer. If Casey wanted to talk to him, he had no way, no will to stop him, even if it made them both miserable. 

The sudden touch on his arm made him jerk back sharply. Casey didn’t remove his hand, though.

“Let me know if you feel a serious freak out coming on, okay? I’ll stop, I promise.” 

“N-now.” The touch was the problem, because it burned right through the flimsy defenses Jarrod had managed to put up, and Casey seemed to realize this because Jarrod managed to pull back, and Casey didn’t follow. He looked away, swallowing hard until he was absolutely sure he wouldn’t throw up. It took him a minute or so to be able to speak again. “Others are gonna come looking for you.” 

“They won’t,” Casey sounded sure enough of that. While Jarrod had been busy pulling himself together he’d filled two cups, and now handed one to Jarrod; he needed both hands to keep it steady, but neither one of them commented on that. “RJ might want to, but I’m counting on Theo to distract him for as long as it takes.” 

“Yeah?” It didn’t even matter why, really, but it was a way to keep the conversation going and mostly neutral. Jarrod sipped his soda to buy time. “What are you going to do when they both leave, and can’t distract him anymore?”

Casey didn’t answer for a while, and Jarrod worried he might’ve overstepped, crossed some line he shouldn’t have, but eventually Casey tilted his head to one side slightly, thoughtful. “I hope by then we’ll have figured it out, and won’t need a buffer. If we do, I’m sure Master Finn will provide one if I ask. He’s good at RJ-wrangling.” 

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” but that was another thing Jarrod didn’t want to talk about. Casey might’ve wanted someone to confide in, but that wasn’t a two-way street. Not for Jarrod. “He’s okay though.” Master Finn was teaching again, so Jarrod crossed paths with him at the Academy sometimes. 

“He’s great,” Casey’s tone brightened considerably. “He’s taught me a lot. He’s really great.” 

“Talk to him about the future, maybe. Or to Zack,” both of them would probably be a lot more helpful than Jarrod himself could be. “Or - wait, didn’t he sorta cut RJ off for going and doing his own thing?” He’d been too low in the ranks at the Academy to hear more than gossip about that, when it happened. Casey nodded.

“Yeah, but he’s pretty much gotten over that, since he and RJ reconnected. I think he agrees the path of the Wolf is better for RJ than the Shark.” 

Jarrod thought about that and shook his head. He couldn’t see RJ doing much with the Shark path, it definitely wasn’t him. Casey continued, thoughtful.

“Master Finn might be a good idea, actually. He definitely has more experience with… pretty much everything, than all of us, and he won’t tell RJ about it if I ask him not to. Although he’ll probably tell me that hiding things isn’t a good idea, too. I’ll talk to him. Maybe tomorrow.” 

That sounded like the end of that particular conversation, and for a few moments neither one of them said anything, and the silence stretched, not tense but not quite easy, either. Before it got unbearable, Jarrod decided that they were already so far past the metaphorical line that he couldn’t even see it anymore, and went a step further to complete craziness. Later, he thought he might’ve been trying to get Casey angry, just to see if he could.

“So… you and RJ?”

He asked it and braced for impact - for yelling, a shove, a slap - but none of these came. Instead, Casey thought for a moment and sighed softly.

“We’re working on it. Slow going. Really slow.” 

Even as he said it, Jarrod realized what a terrible question it had been to ask - for both of them. He couldn’t, couldn’t and didn’t want to contemplate what it might be like, trying to start a relationship after what Casey had been through. He knew, in an abstract way, that plenty of people did, but still. For a moment, guilt threatened to suck him down a black hole, but Casey’s hand was on his arm again, his voice firm, drawing him back to the present. 

“We’re _working on it_ , Jarrod. What happened - it didn’t cancel out what I feel for RJ, okay? Or him for me. Just - the logistics got complicated, that’s all.” He said it so lightly, as if it wasn’t that big of a deal, and even though Jarrod didn’t for a moment believe that, he was able to breathe again. “In a way it’s easier now we’re deactivated. I’m not his Red anymore, and he’s not my mentor, so that’s two complications out of the way. And the rest… we’ll get there. We’re working on it, both of us.” It sounded a little like Casey was trying to convince himself again, but Jarrod didn’t ask again. He nodded, unable to say anything yet that wouldn’t be entirely wrong, and again they were silent for a moment. 

“If we’re already on the topic… you and Camille?” Casey echoed Jarrod’s tone perfectly, and the question was unexpected enough to make Jarrod start, even though he totally should’ve been expecting it. He let out a breath in a startled huff of (mostly) amusement. 

“That’s a conversation I think I need to have with Camille first. Besides, she’s probably watching us right now.” As if in reply, the leaves on the tree Camille had made her own rustled, independent of any wind, and Jarrod waved in the tree’s general direction. “But yeah. I think so. I mean, maybe.” 

“Good.” The touch wasn’t just an idle moment of contact now, as Casey squeezed his shoulder, the smile clear in his voice even though Jarrod hadn’t been able to look at him in minutes. “She’ll keep you busy, uh - I think. She’s obviously totally -”

“Casey -” Jarrod had no idea how he managed to keep his voice calm, because he could do painful revelations with Casey, maybe, if he had to, and he could do guilt-trips and recriminations, but he absolutely refused to do the teenaged talking-about-the-other-sex thing, with him or with anybody else. “I won’t talk about Camille behind her back, and I’m definitely not going to talk like she’s not right there in the tree, when I know she is and can hear us.” He valued his life far too much - and he also valued Camille, and didn’t want to insult her. “It’s definitely a conversation I need to have with her, first.”

“If the Red Ranger wants to go back inside, we can have it right now,” Camille’s voice carried clearly from the tree a few feet away. “It’s an easy jump to make.”

Even in the dim light, Jarrod could see Casey blushing a little. “Uh - um -” he recovered, barely, “I’m not the Red Ranger anymore.”

“Fine,” Camille’s head poked out from the leaves, where clearly there’d been nothing only a second earlier. They still couldn’t see her body. “Casey, could you be a dear and let two baddies have a moment alone, please?”

“You’re not baddies. Not anymore.”

Jarrod rolled his eyes. “Casey, please - lectures on redemption later, a moment of privacy now, please?” He figured he was so emotionally wrung-out by his conversation with Casey that talking to Camille would be a breeze. 

“Uh - sure. I guess. No making plans for world domination, alright?”

“Promise, no world domination,” Camille grinned, but Jarrod couldn’t. Not yet. “Hold on a moment before you go, though.” From somewhere, Camille produced another paper cup and jumped gracefully to join them on the balcony. She filled her cup and topped up Jarrod and Casey’s. “This is a human tradition, right? To celebrate the future?”

“The future.” Casey echoed, nudging his cup against hers. Both of them turned to look at Jarrod, expectant, until he sighed and gave in, joining his cup to theirs. 

“To the future.”

 

The way your heart sounds  
makes all the difference  
It's what decides if you'll endure  
the pain that we all feel  
The way your heart beats  
makes all the difference  
In learning to live  
Spread before you is your soul  
So forever hold the dreams  
within our hearts  
Through nature's inflexible  
grace  
I'm learning to live 

FIN


End file.
